


Second LGBT Season of South Park (Unofficial)

by Negira1239



Series: LGBT Season of South Park (Unofficial) [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 59,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14347566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Negira1239/pseuds/Negira1239
Summary: Every chapter is an episode; every episode will equip to 20-30 minutes of reading (if you read at a normal pace).I don't owe any of this please don't sue me. If a creator/employee of South Park sees this please roast the shit out of me it's an honor if you do.Okay actual summary: So this second season focuses a bit on meme culture and how it affects the town. But also, more drama from opening a LGBT Center inside a pretty... small mountain town in Colorado.





	1. Dead Memes are just as funny as current memes

**Author's Note:**

> So please excuse my grammatical errors. I do speak/read/write English but I am only human and I'm bound to make at least 3 grammatical errors per episode. So please correct me if I do make an error.
> 
> Contact me via Tumblr over at Negira1239SP. If you want to collaborate with me on something, hit me up and message me. If you want to argue with me about how this is all wrong or about something I said in an episode, hit me up and message me. Personally, I believe that a conversation is the most powerful tool a person can have, so please- start a conversation. 
> 
> Finally: episode upload dates are undetermined for now. I don't have the same schedule as season 1 due to changes in my life schedule. I may upload at random dates, so please bear with me. 
> 
> So... thank you guys, gals, and non-binary pals. Enjoy!  
> -Negira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PC Principal flips his shit when he hears a meme during an important assembly. Eric Cartman flips his shit when he hears that dead memes are funny. Events ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I actually got this out and ready. Sorry if this chapter seems really short, but really, we all know that later on there will be a chapter that'll be about 10,000 words long. 
> 
> And by the way can I get some sort of praise for somewhat predicting the Dusk Til Bonita DLC? Like I somehow predicted that the new kid will inherit an ultimate ability that gives him strength (episode 10- battle against Beelzebub) and that there was a platform on the top of the waterfall in Casa Bonita (Episode 7- battle against Eric Cartman). I did get wrong that Casa Bonita is formatted differently, and that the new kid inherits Death's powers not Satan's. But I was close.... fine I get no credit (sad emoji).
> 
> Anyways enjoy. This was a long time coming and I hope y'all enjoy.

 

Today, the cold mountain winds of Colorado blew with a mighty force. The clouds had slowly moved in, producing a nightfall of snow the night before. The sun was hidden behind the clouds as the school bell rung across the school.

 

Inside, the children of the school were already in the bleachers, waiting for the assembly to begin.

 

“What is this assembly for again?” Eric asked, yawning in his hand.

 

“Kyle told me this was about LGBT Identification,” Stan stated, “that’s why Kyle isn’t with us today.”

 

Today marked the 100th day of the LGBT Center’s opening its doors. As a mark of celebration, the LGBT Community (well really the officers) decided once and for all, with the help of PC Principal and Strong Woman, to put an assembly.

 

“That’s why the Jew boy isn’t here.” Eric extended his legs, stretching his fat body.

 

“Dude,” Kenny muttered through his thick orange parka, stop taking so much room. He shoved Eric’s arm, somewhat shifting the boy to the left towards Stan.

 

And after a few minutes, the assembly started. PC Principal was the first to appear on the stage. He wore his same outfit, his same Oakley sunglasses, and had a microphone in his hand.

 

“Hello students and faculty,” he announced, “Today we have a special assembly on LGBT Identification. Here to start us off, is our student body president, and president of the LGBT Organization in South Park- Wendy Testiburger.”

 

The students clapped as Wendy straightened her bundle of 5 x 8 inch index cards. “Good morning students and faculty,” she started off. “Today, we’re going to be learning about something a bit complex today, so please don’t be too concerned if you don’t get it all in one go.”

 

And so, Wendy, along with the help of mostly Kyle, Tweek and Craig (somewhat), and the new kid (they simply pointed at places on the PowerPoint slides), went on to briefly explain everything they were going to present.

 

In a nutshell, they explained:

  * Gay = sexual attraction to the same sex
  * Straight = sexual attraction to the opposite sex
  * Bisexual = sexual attraction to both same and opposite sex (usually in the binary genders)
  * Binary usually, if not, always, refers to Male and Female gender/sex.
  * Pan sexual = sexual attraction to one or more genders
  * Asexual = sexual attraction to no one
  * Demisexual = sexual attraction to one person; despite their gender.
  * Nonbinary = identifying as neither the binary genders (male or female)
  * Gender fluid = identifying as one gender or the other.
  * Demiflux = identifying as two or more genders (mostly uncertain about what they really do identify as)
  * Transgender = identifying as the opposite gender you were assigned with at birth
  * Cisgender = identifying as the same gender you were assigned with at birth
  * Pronouns are determined by the person (they get to pick what they want to be called)



 

“And I would like to ask a question to the audience,” Wendy announced on the microphone, “What defines masculinity and femininity?”

 

The audience was silent, as no one really wanted to participate. All, but one, was silent.

 

Eric shouted, “Your Mom Gay!”

 

Within a few seconds, Craig shouted from where he stood on the stage, “No, you.”

 

The kids immediately blew up in hysteria, as everyone was laughing at the short conversation that took place. Tweek and Kyle high-fives Craig, Stan and Kenny were laughing directly at Eric- even Eric was chuckling.

 

“What the fuck is going on?!?!”

 

All the kids dropped into silence as PC Principal took the microphone from Wendy, who also couldn’t keep it in together.

 

“This is an assembly on LGBT identification and all of you kids are going to laugh at a joke that directs homosexuality in a negative manner to your mothers, who are most?” PC Principal was now joined by Strong Woman on stage, as well as some staff members. “I’m more disappointed about how the LGBT Officers of the LGBT Center are laughing at this as well!”

 

Craig silently lifted his right hand, flipping off the principal.

 

“All of you kids are going to be punished for this micro aggression!” PC Principal shouted into the microphone, “All of you will be spending two weeks in detention!”

 

* * *

 

The whole LGBT team of Craig, Tweek, Wendy, Kyle, and the new kid were all seated in PC Principal’s office along with Eric Cartman. Sitting behind the desk himself was PC Principal; alongside with him Vice Principal Strong Woman.

 

PC Principal huffed, shaking the stack of papers in his hands along with him. His face looked restrained, his chin was sculptured out, and his eye brows were shaped in a V. “Do you know what you kids have done today?”

 

“We marginalized a group?” Wendy asked.

 

“Yes,” He explained, “you first used the word gay as a derogatory statement to infer stupidity onto women. And then you used that same fucking statement back to another student!”

 

“I feel like we did more than that,” Craig said.

 

“Yes you did,” PC Principal angrily snorted, “You also used improper grammar when referring to someone’s mother as a homosexual, and you also used assumption to infer someone’s mother as a homosexual.”

 

“Did PC Principal break or something?” Eric asked. “He doesn’t seem like his usual self.”

 

“You all have 2 weeks of detention!” PC Principal slammed his fist onto the table. “And you will all be writing a letter and will be sharing it with the school apologizing for the events of today.”

 

Eric side rolled his eyes. He yawned at the mention of letter.

 

* * *

 

**_~Insert news report logo~_ **

 

This is now Tom, on CNN.

 

“We all heard of Your Mom jokes, but Your Mom gay jokes? Here, with a special report, is a midget in a fedora.”

 

The shot changed to a man in a bikini, wearing a brown fedora. He was standing in front of the school as well.

 

“Thanks Tom. The travesty happened in South Park, where the children were participating in a school wide ‘You Mom gay joke.’ With us tonight is the head of the PTA, Miss Shelia Broflowski, and the principal of the school, PC Principal.

 

“Thanks Tom,” Shelia said, sitting on her couch at her house.

 

“I’m glad to be here tonight,” PC Principal said, sitting in his office.

 

“PC Principal, it seems like kids these days are becoming dumber- they all laugh at a your mom is gay joke, despite the ‘your mom’ joke era was mostly in the 2000’s.”

 

“Personally, I don’t even know where this even came from,” PC Principal announced, “It may be the trends these days, but goddamn it this makes me sick!”

 

“Wow, for once I agree with the person I’m arguing with,” Shelia said.

 

“Children these days are becoming intolerant; tainted by today’s society all because of the lack of good parenting at home and-“

 

“Excuse me?” Shelia yelled, “kids are being brainwashed by what they’re learning in the classroom! Not by what we’re doing at home!”

 

“Well, PC Principal, if may I add,” Tom said, including himself, “You were dating your coworker a few months ago.” A person in the camera room of the news station vomited.

 

“That has nothing to do with what we teach the children here at school!”

 

“You PC people are all the same,” Shelia yelled, “With ya inclusive language and your stupid Oakley sunglasses-“

 

“Hey!”

“Your Trash!”

“I resent that! I find that as discrimination and I-“

 

“It’s going to take us weeks to get this stuff out of children!”

 

* * *

 

“Hey Bebe. Hey Red.”

 

The blonde and the red head waved to Wendy, both waiting outside of the school at the side walk.

 

“Sorry I’m late gals,” Wendy said, running up and catching up to them. “PC Principal called us into his office today for the assembly.”

 

“Geez,” Bebe asked, “Is he really that aggressive about the assembly going wrong today?”

 

“Apparently,” Wendy sighed. “I just wanna go home and just watch some Miraculous Ladybug.”

 

Red chuckled. “You still watch repeats?”

 

“What do you mean?” Bebe asked. “There’s season two part one on Netflix.”

 

“Wait-really?” Red asked.

 

“But Wendy,” Bebe tapped, “What about our meeting today?”

 

“Oh shit-“ Wendy realized, “I forgot it was today!”

 

“Wendy!” Red sighed, “You’re supposed to find out if the new kid is dating Kyle.”

 

Ever since the new kid had checked out of the hospital, none of the girls could figure out the new kid and Kyle’s relationship. In fact, no one could figure them out- even Kyle’s mother couldn’t figure them out.

 

“No one still hadn’t find out?” Wendy asked.

 

“Well,” Bebe explained. “You were supposed to talk to Kyle. I talked to Tweek and Craig-“

 

“And I talked to Kenny and Kevin,” Red added in.

 

“And no one knew.” Bebe reexplained. “No one knows if they’re dating or not.”

 

“Fine. I’ll ask Kyle tomorrow,” Wendy shrugged her bag up her back. “Let me figure out a plan for this.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, the children were playing outside at the playground. At the middle/courtyard of the playground, all the boys and the new kid were throwing a cherry ball around.

 

“This is stupid,” Stan told everyone. “I got a two hour detention after school today.”

 

“T-two hours?!” Tweek asked, “Why?”

 

“Because I asked what’s a good word for angry and sad,” Kyle threw the ball over to Kenny. “And he said smad.”

 

Clyde chuckled loudly, with Token face palming next to him.

 

“Ugh, that’s such a dead meme,” Eric said, “Dead memes are as good as bad memes.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Clyde asked. “I thought that was pretty funny.”

 

Eric paused, disgusted by what he was hearing. “That wasn’t funny at all Clyde! Even the yodeling Walmart kid is funnier than that!”

 

“Hey, the Walmart yodeling kid is pretty funny,” Stan commented.

 

“He’s even p-p-per-p-perp- perf-f-f performing at Coachella,” Jimmy told everyone.

 

“Augh really?” Eric shouted in disgust, “even dead memes like him are popular what the fuck?”

 

“Hey,” Clyde interjected, “Dead memes are as good as any memes!”

 

“Nuh huh,” Eric rejected. “Butters! Are dead stupid memes as good as live, awesome memes?”

 

“No!” Butters shouted, agreeing with Eric.

 

“You can’t do that!” Kyle shouted, “You know Butters will just agree with you!”

 

“Yeah I will!” Butters shouted.

 

“Okay, let’s do this.” Eric walked a small distance away from the group, making a small gap. “Dead memes are bad, stand here. Dead memes are funny- gross- stand where Kyle is.”

 

Only Butters shifted towards Eric, as all the boys- including the new kid- stood with Kyle.

 

“I’m sorry Er-r-r-r-ric,” Jimmy said, “But dat boi is still pr-r-r-pretty funny.”

 

“Dat boi is a dead meme that died two years ago!” Eric shouted.

 

“Okay, let’s settle it this way!” Token said, acting as the middle person. “Dead memes are funny versus Dead memes are stupid! We fight this afternoon in the simulation room at the Freedom Pal’s base!”

 

“Woah Token,” Clyde said, “That’s the first time you volunteered your house for something.”

 

“Then it’s settled.” Eric started walking backwards, “Butters and I will be working on a way to defeat you!”

 

And the two boys left.

 

“C’mon guys,” Clyde said. “Let’s go play some tether ball.”

 

“Wait guys,” Kyle brought up. “Shouldn’t we be discussing a plan?”

 

“A plan?” Tweek asked. “What for?”

 

“If we’re going against Eric...” Kyle looked over to the school entrance for dramatic effect. “Then we really do need a course of action.”

 

* * *

 

Inside the classroom, the new kid was following the teacher’s lecture, jotting down a set of notes. The whole class was mostly listening; only some students actually taking notes while others doodled memes and other illustrations.

 

“Okay class, so who can tell me what 2^7 is?” The teacher surveyed the class, looking to see who would participate. After zero response, she randomly called. “New kid!”

 

The new kid chuckled as the teacher was actually calling them that. Holding a small white board the teacher provided for them, they wrote on the center with black dry-erase marker: 128.

 

“Very good!” The teacher applauded. “Now, here, you can see-“

 

“Attention students,” Mr. Mackey said through the announcement system. “Can the new kid come to my office please.”

 

“Oooo,” Eric pointed, “The New kid is in trouble.”

 

The new kid slowly made their way out of the array of seats and walked out of the classroom. They walked down the hallway, and within minutes arrived at Mr. Mackey’s office.

 

“Hey new kid,” Mr. Mackey greeted. “I hope this time isn’t inconvenient for you.”

 

The new kid sat on the blue seat across from the desk.

 

“I called you in for two reasons today,” Mr. Mackey told them, “And one of them is for your gender identity?”

 

The new kid nodded.

 

“And so umm...” Mr. Mackey flipped through his clipboard. “Since you’re very knowledgeable about LGBT topics, why don’t you tell me what you want to identify as?”

 

The new kid nodded, and accepted the clipboard being handed to them.

 

After a few scribbles, the new kid handed the clipboard to Mr. Mackey.

 

“And are you sure you want to do this?"

 

The new kid nodded yes.

 

“Okay,” Mr. Mackey applauded, “You are now non-binary mkay. Congratulations.”

 

The new kid smiled.

 

“And now, the second reason why I called you in here.” Mr. Mackey flipped a page over. “Is about PC Principal.”

 

The new kid tilted their head in confusion.

 

“PC Principal has been acting up recently,” Mr. Mackey reported. “Have you noticed how angry he gets over... memes?” He said, unsure how to pronounce memes.

 

The new kid nodded yes.

 

“Can you find out what’s causing PC Principal to act up like this?” Mr. Mackey asked. “I want to help as the school’s psychologist, but lately he’s been telling me nothing. I just want to help him out as much as I can.”

 

The new kid nodded yes.

 

“Thanks new kid,” Mr. Mackey passed to them a slip. “I’ll see you later, mkay.”

 

As the new kid made it back to the classroom, the bell rung. Students were now walking out of their classrooms and grabbing their items and belongings.

 

“Hey... Kyle?”

 

Kyle turned around to see Wendy standing next to him.

 

“Can I talk to you about an LGBT matter?” Wendy asked. “After school?”

 

“Yeah. Do you need Tweek and Craig and the new kid too?” Kyle asked.

 

“No...” Wendy said... “I think this is something us two can handle.”

 

“Oh... okay.”

 

* * *

 

“PC Principal.”

 

PC Principal turned around to see the vice principal standing at his doorway.

 

“Are you sure you want to head this route?”

 

PC Principal held his hands together firmly at his desk. Still sitting down, he let his pair of Oakley sunglasses cover his eyes.

 

“Vice Principal strong woman,” he said, “I assume you are aware of what happened with this town and memes?”

 

“The kids simply followed on trends and within several days it becomes dead?” Strong Woman responded.

 

“Yes that,” PC Principal stood up. “But something happened here that further advanced meme research?”

 

“PC Principal,” Strong Woman walked over towards PC Principal, who was now looking out of the window. “What are you planning with all this?”

 

“In due time,” PC Principal responded. “They’ll learn how gentrifying memes are.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid felt more alive today, despite his new death-like abilities.

 

When a pick-up truck of four rednecks arrived at the front of the school, the new kid easily picked them off. They didn’t even call the Freedom Pals for help- using their ultimate ability as soon as it popped up, the new kid easily attacked one redneck after another.

 

The four rednecks were all frozen in place as the new kid used their root burst ability to attack everyone. Even afterwards, a second root burst managed to get everyone down. The new kid smiled as all of their opponents were defeated, allowing them to continue their route to Token’s house.

 

**_-In another location-_ **

 

“What did you need to talk to me about?” Kyle asked.

 

It was now after school; Kyle and Wendy were both in the LGBT Offices.

 

“Our assembly today went off course today. PC Principal is mad at us.”

 

“Is that all you want to talk about?” Kyle asked. “I feel like that’s not the only reason why I’m here.”

 

Wendy directed Kyle to take the front chair in front of her desk. “I wanted to discuss something... private with you.”

 

Kyle walked over and sat on the office chair. “Private?”

 

Wendy cut to the chase, “What’s your relationship with the new kid?”

 

And Kyle could recall everything that happens that day:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_““Don’t you ever think that you’re worth less than other people.”_

 

 

 

_“In fact… I think you’re an amazing person Kyle.”_

 

 

 

 

_“…”_

 

 

 

_“I remember now...”_

 

 

_Kyle’s ears had stopped working after he heard the first complement._

 

_“Kyle?”_

 

_Kyle jumped from his seat, “Sorry...” he said, his face blushing red._

 

_“I remember.... a lot of things....” the new kid said. It was sort of weird, Kyle realized, how he was actually talking to the new kid._

 

_“What did you... remember?” Kyle asked._

 

_“.... the torture... the experiments...”_

 

_Kyle stared at the new kid, who was looking at a monitor that had Kyle’s reading._

 

_“I...” the new kid went silent after that, not talkingas a single tear dropped from their eye._

 

_“Don’t cry,” Kyle said, opening his arms for a hug. “Just... text me it.”_

 

_The new kid whipped out their phone and texted Kyle everything. They even leaned down and laid next to Kyle on the hospital bed._

 

 _The whole time, Kyle was trying not to explode._  

  

> _My parents were electrocuted, probed, dissected, and everything. And so was I. In fact, they even picked out my specific genes._

 

 _“Jesus Christ,” Kyle said. He felt the new kid cringe into a tiny ball, and did his best to give them a hug._   

 

> _T he only thing is... those were all blurs. I still don’t know why I lost all my memories, or what my name is._ 

 

> _In fact, I don’t even know if I’m completely free from the government._

 

 _Kyle watched as the new kid rolled so they were facing Kyle, and they hugged around Kyle’s chest_  

 

> _“Kyle.... I’m scared.”_

 

“And then what happened?” Wendy asked, bursting the dream bubble.

 

“And then we talked about what to do with each other.” Kyle repositioned himself, realizing he had been sitting for over twenty minutes. “You know I love the new kid-“

 

Wendy smiled, causing Kyle to blush and pause.

 

“-and I know the new kid has feelings for me.”

 

* * *

 

“It’s about time you showed up,” Mosquito yelled angrily at the Coon and Professor Chaos. “We’ve been waiting here for fifteen minutes!”

 

On one side of the room stood Mosquito, Tupperware, Wonder Tweek, Super Craig, Mysterion, Fastpass, and Doctor Timmothy. The other side had Professor Chaos and Bruce Vilanch- I mean- the Coon.

 

“Chaos!” Mysterion yelled, “You don’t have to do this!”

 

“I have to Mysterion!” Chaos yelled back, “I really really hate all of the Spongebob memes! I mean, why does Mr.Krabs have to be so confused?”

 

“Enough!” The Coon yelled, “Let’s get this started!”

 

“You do realize that it’s 7 against 2 right?” Tupperware told them.

 

“You forgot about what I can do!” Chaos blew a whistle, and immediately, coming down the stairs, was General Disarray, three Latino minions of Chaos, and three other kids/minions of Chaos.

 

“That’s 10 to 7 you guys,” the Coon told them, “Are you sure you guys want to continue?”

 

“Dead memes are funny!” Mosquito shouted.

 

“Dead memes are stupid!” The Coon shouted.

 

“Charge!”

 

* * *

 

“So what are you two now?” Wendy asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Kyle asked.

 

“Well...” Wendy leaned in and whispered, “Are you two...”

 

“Wendy!” Kyle shouted back, his face red from the blush, “We don’t do naughty stuff! We’re both asexual!”

 

“Kyle I wasn’t asking about that,” Wendy clarified, “Are you two dating?”

 

“The new kid and I...” Kyle paused so he could choose the correct words to say. “We have a relationship where we help each other out.”

 

The new kid slid down the staircase to Token’s basement, where the Freedom Pal’s headquarters are. Ever since Mysterion had fifteen him of the Netherborn Powers, the new kid had been extremely excited to fight again. They especially liked the new ultimate move they gained from the Netherborn class as well.

 

“The new kid is a really good person Wendy.”

 

The new kid ran into the training room and dashed over to where the “dead memes are funny” group were.

 

“They’re extremely fun to be around.”

 

The new kid slammed both hands on the floor, causing a mass spread of roots to burst through the ground. The roots sent the minions backwards, providing them more room for attacks.

 

“They know how to make me happy from when I’m sad.”

 

As the other side sent their attacks, all of them punching Tupperware or Mysterion, Wonder Tweek sent out his lightning attack and shouted, “ThiS iS fOr CavEmaN SpOngEBoB!” He struck two opponents at the same time. Fastpass was able to strike forward, becoming invisible the next turn. He shouted, “This is for s-s-stock image p-p-p...”

 

“...p...p... pho...... phhhhhhhh..... p...p....p...”

 

“.....p.....pho....”

 

-photo guy!”

 

“And they’re always,” Kyle shed a tear, wiping it up with his hand. “They’re always looking for ways to cheer me up.”

 

“Ugandan Knuckles is a dead meme that isn’t funny!” The Coon had used their ultimate ability and scratched everyone on the Funny team; inflicting bleeding on everyone. Professor Chaos whistled again, summoning more minions when the previous one left. “Pewdiepie’s chair meme isn’t funny either!”

 

Mysterion ran forward and performed his four combo attack on one of Chaos’ minions, all whilst clicking their tongues with everyone else in the team. He was immediately teleported with Tupperware in safety. Super Craig charged forward, performing a headbutt on an opponent in front of him. Wonder Tweek was able to use his ice-abilities and freeze the Coon for a turn. Sprinkling some ice flakes onto the icicle like Salt Bae,

 

“And Wendy... I don’t think I have ever been this happy with anybody before. The new kid is just... wow,” Kyle sunk into his chair, his heart expressing warmth and happiness in his chest.

 

The new kid wore their hood and called upon Death to bestow upon them their powers. Within an instant, the four minions around them were frozen in place as the new kid gained an attack boost and a regeneration boost.

 

Mysterion ran forward and turned himself into a purple mist; flowing past two minions. He turned around and kicked the back minion, sending them flying towards the first one. “Pewdiepie’s chair meme is not dead!”

 

“But c-c-can you do thi-I-i-i-is!” Jimmy was able to assist and finish the kill, attacking the front minion.

 

“But honestly Wendy...” Kyle got a notification on his phone, “I really wish the new kid doesn’t- Shit I was supposed to go to Token’s house!”

 

Tupperware walked towards one of Professor Chaos’ minions and announced, “According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way  **a bee**  should be able to fly.” The hero started spinning, forming a swirling tornado with their centripetal force. The minion got caught in its winds and was blown back, knocking themselves against another minion. Tupperware finished his sentence,  
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.  **The bee** , of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.”

 

Kyle grabbed his things and dashed out, waving a goodbye to Wendy behind the desk.

 

“Fuck!” Wendy shouted, slamming her fists, “I was supposed to ask him if they’re dating! Ugg, Bebe is gonna be so pissed.”

 

* * *

 

**_~Insert news logo here again~_ **

 

“You are watching, CNN. That’s how low you stooped.”

 

“Shocking report! Today in South Park Colorado, eleven super heroes fight out today with one fatality! We go live with a midget in high heels.”

 

“Thanks Tom!” The person announced, “I’m standing outside of a home in South Park, where the epic battle has occurred. It looks like this fight is a meme fight, two groups of superheroes fighting to determine whether dead memes are still funny.”

 

“But midget, wasn’t South Park the source of meme debate earlier today as well?”

 

“Indeed Tom, after the debacle at the school, the local superheroes fought it out today, with the famous superhero of the town, Mysterion, passing away today. Oh what a tragic day it is today.”

 

“Thanks Tom, we’ll be right back, after these messages.”

 

* * *

 

“I hate my life,” Wendy said, slamming her head into the desk.

 

The girls were in their 461st meeting, discussing only one topic in their meeting.

 

“It’s okay Wendy,” Red explained, “We have enough pictures to try to figure them out.”

 

“We had four girls follow around Kyle and the new kid each and we have some results,” Bebe told her.

 

“But that won’t prove anything,” Heidi said. She had been reinstated into the girls meetings after meeting 452. She had lost a lot of weight, went vegan, got her grades up, and actually got her life back together. “We need actual confirmation.”

 

Wendy sighed, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

 

“Wait a minute,” Annie realized. “Don’t you girls see what’s happening?”

 

“What do you mean?” Nicole asked.

 

“I mean,” Annie realized. “Maybe the new kid and Kyle are keeping this secret.”

 

“They are keeping this secret,” Bebe said. “That’s why we’re trying to find them out.”

 

“But you know what’s weird,” Jenny told them. “When we were following Kyle, we found out that they really do stuff in the LGBT Offices.”

 

“Then that’s where I’ll be tomorrow…” Wendy sighed once more.

 

* * *

 

“Are you happy now Cartman?” Kyle screamed at the top of his lungs. “Kenny died because of you!”

 

Eric sighed, “I didn’t kill Kenny-“

 

“Yes you fucking did!” Kyle screamed; Stan was holding him back. “You bastard you’re the one that killed Kenny!”

 

During their battle, Mysterion had reminded Eric about several old memes, such as the SnapChat dancing hotdog, kermit the frog, and several spongebob memes. Out of pure rage against dead memes being funny, the Coon had used his claws and slashed out Mysterion's throat.

 

“Just go home Kyle,” Eric said, walking to his house.

 

“Gahhhhh!” Kyle was pushed by Stan towards their houses.

 

The new kid silently watched as Kyle was pushed into his house by Stan. They laughed as Stan shut the door behind him; seeing through the window about Kyle’s freak out.

 

And the new kid continued their walk down the street. Passing railroads, the new kid walked to the ruins of SodaSopa- also known as the area around Kenny’s house. They walked up to the door and knocked several times.

 

Behind the door, Kenny opened it.

 

“Hey new kid,” Kenny said, wearing his parka. Kenny looked completely fine- he had no open wounds, blood loss- not even any brain damage from getting electrocuted to death.

 

The new kid opened their backpack and pulled out the infamous purple Mysterion costume.

 

“Thanks for getting me it,” Kenny said, letting the new kid in. “I hate going back to where I die every time so I can get my costume. This is so expensive to make.”

 

Kenny opened the door to his bedroom and properly hung the costume on a hanger before storing it in his wardrobe. “So what should we do now?”

 

The new kid pulled out from underneath the bed a black book with red sequins around its borders. It had a pentagram on its cover, a red bookmark nearing the center of its pages, and a thick stem.

 

Ever since Satan had given Kenny his book about his powers, Kenny had been dissecting its contents three hours a day for three days of the week. He made remarkable progress, getting through about 200 pages (although most were filled with diagrams and illustrations).

 

“I’ve been reading new kid,” Kenny turned to the page with the red book mark. “This page is how I have you the netherborn class.”

 

Kenny flipped the book to the marked page, showing in the middle a pentagram with marked ingredients around its points. “I placed all five items in that order, said this, and then I have the ability to give Netherborn powers.”

 

The new kid read over the parts, and was pretty shocked to believe that Kenny now had the ability to give the power of death to anyone. They were more surprised to see the ingredients as well.

 

“Don’t ask me how I got half of these ingredients,” Kenny mentioned, “I asked Damien for a lot of help on this.”

 

The new kid closed the book, and looked at Kenny.

 

“What is it, new kid?”

  

> I think this is the beginning of something tremendous.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you couldn't catch the episode, here's the gist that you should know.   
> 1) Eric hates dead memes.  
> 2) KYLE AND NEW KID ARE DATING? OR ARE THEY?  
> 3) There were too many memes in this episode and I regret it.  
> 4) All the LGBT stuff in the assembly is all true. It's basic/common LGBT knowledge but please educate yourself if you're not familiar.  
> 5) Kenny and new kid read the book.  
> 6) The new kid is now non-binary. Only they pronouns. 
> 
> Anyways enjoy reading this chapter, the next one will come soon. Unfortunately, I'm not able to confirm an upload date for this series like I did season 1, but please always look out for an update. Thank you!
> 
> -Negira


	2. All Star the Love Ballad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memes get banned in South Park thanks to Shelia. Craig and Clyde compete to see who can share memes despite the ban. But despite all of this, the adults are all still dumbasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's been like two weeks since the first episode of Season two was uploaded. I told y'all that I will have an inconsistent upload schedule. Anyways, this chapter is a bit longer than the last, and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> And to those that are sick of me talking about memes, don't worry this chapter doesn't really mention memes except for All Star... and Rick roll.... ha just kidding there are memes in here but don't worry; it's not as much as last episode's.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and enjoy! Thanks guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

 

It had been exactly one week after Eric Cartman yelled “your mom gay” at the assembly. And ever since then the parents had started arguing.

 

Every single day after school, so far, parents would riot at the school, chanting about how it’s the school’s fault. They would riot for hours until sunset, and would return at high noon. It had gotten so out of hand that the parents decided to host a town meeting in the community center.

 

And that’s where everyone was now. The whole town of South Park- at least its suburban community- had gathered here at the South Park Community Center to talk about this issue.

 

Kyle sat nervously at his chair, rubbing his hands back and forth in worry. Just two rows over and two chairs to his left was the new kid and their two parents. And seeing the new kid’s father for the first time kind of off-set him. To be perfectly honest, the new kid shared no resemblance to their parents, and was actually wondering to believe if they were their biological parents.

 

But Kyle wasn’t actually focused on that as of right now. Now, he was extremely worried about his mother. On stage walking out to the podium was his mother; holding with her the microphone and a notecard.

 

“Welcome everybody,” Shelia said into the microphone. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll get straight to the point.”

 

The parents in the audience clapped, the children simply sat in their seats.

 

“Memes are now destroying our children!” She proclaimed. The adults cheered. “They’re making them dumber and it’s making them do stupid things in school!”

 

“That’s right!” Stan’s Mother, Sharon, shouted. “Eric said ‘your mom gay’ to Craig and he said ‘no you!’”

 

The kids in the audience secretly chuckled, making their parents frown at them.

 

“Well, I may have come up with a solution!” Shelia turned around to her paper board and flipped the sheet over, revealing the text on there.

 

“After doing some research, I found out the best solution for this case!”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes, knowing that his mother only google searched for 5 minutes while preparing for this speech.

 

It read, ‘We ban memes.’

 

“We will place a town ban on memes! Anyone who initiates or acts out a meme will be punished!”

 

The adults start cheering for this idea, making kids drop their mouths in surprise.

 

“The news media hates memes!” Shelia shouted. “Everywhere on Buzzfeed, Yahoo news, etc. they all talk about how memes are ruining our children!”

 

The parents clapped as Shelia raised her fist into the air.

 

“We will enact this action immediately!”

 

* * *

 

The next day became the first day of the no-meme act, enacted by his own mother. Sure, Kyle was massively concerned about his mother’s tyranny over the town again, but something else happened the night before that made him this jumpy today.

 

“Kyle?” his mother requested.

 

“Yes mom?” Kyle asked. He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth.

 

“Bubby, I’m gonna be busy tomorrow setting up the campaign and everything,” she told her son.

 

“Okay,” Kyle said, unsure where this was leading.

 

“That means we won’t be eating out tomorrow night. I’ll prepare something for you boys to reheat when I’m out tomorrow.”

 

Kyle couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Okay mom.”

 

And as of right now, Kyle clenched his stomach with his arms. Thanks to his mother being out, Kyle can finally ask the new kid out on a date. He looked over and saw that the new kid was now approaching the area. He whispered to himself, “It’s now, or never.”

 

Kyle approached the new kid, walking in a straight line towards the new kid’s locker. It had became routine of him to join the new kid in the morning to their walk to the classroom. Eventually, they would be joined by Stan or Kenny, but today it seemed as if everyone was clearing out of the way.

 

And thanks to Wendy, they were.

 

Wendy became a very big New kid x Kyle fan when the girls all decided to spy on them. She decided that she would be the one to figure out if they were dating, and dedicated her time to do so. Thanks to the power of the girls, the girls were able to essentially pack the boys and bystanders to the sides, allowing the new kid and Kyle a straight shot to the classroom.

 

“Hey new kid,” Kyle said, starting the conversation. “I umm… I wanted to ask you something.”

 

And the best part was that Kyle didn’t know Wendy was helping him.

 

Kyle asked, after taking a not-so-noticeable breath, “Want me to come with you tonight?”

 

Wendy listened in from where she was standing… slash crouching. She followed along the two kids, eavesdropping what Kyle was saying.

 

“I’m free tonight because of my mom doing campaign stuff,” Kyle said. Within seconds he got a text message back. “Nah, I don’t think she’ll become mad about it.”

 

“Hey Kyle.”

 

‘God fucking damn it!’ Wendy cursed to herself.

 

“Hey Stan,” Kyle said, greeting the boy that ended that dialogue. “Did you see Cardi B performing at Coachella?”

 

“Dude, I don’t know why the hell she’s still performing,” Stan said, walking alongside Kyle. “Isn’t she pregnant?”

 

And with that, Wendy gave up for now. She knew that it would be pointless to follow them, so she decided that she would attempt again later today. Wendy stood up and walked over to the center, sighing her sadness.

 

“Hey Wendy,” Tweek said in a panicked state. Craig and him walked over to Wendy, handing her a manilla folder. “He’s not cooperating again!”

 

“Again?” Wendy sighed. She opened up the manilla foyer, reading the person’s portfolio. Over a month ago, Michael (the Goth Kid) had approached the LGBT Center for help. But at that time period, Kyle had been kidnapped and the new kid saved him.

 

And after that, the new kid decided to take a one month break. They still go to the LGBT Center, but they just don’t do the work. Essentially, they were on vacation mode, making it impossible for Michael to talk to him without it being official.

 

“Why can’t he just talk to me or one of you guys?” Wendy asked in rage. “Why does he only pick the new kid?”

 

“Because,” Tweek shook, “We’re not goth or anything. The new kid joined them so they can help the new kid invade the school for the stick of truth, remember?”

 

“And didn’t Henrietta help the new kid with the whole, vampire thing?” Craig asked.

 

“Yeah…” Wendy sighed, “I’ll talk to the new kid for this. For now… just continue with other stuff I guess.”

 

Tweek and Craig waited for Wendy to walk down the hall before they continued talking. Specifically, when Clyde arrived.

 

“Dude,” Clyde asked, “Did you hear they’re banning memes?”

 

“I heard,” Craig said with his nasally voice. “What about it?”

 

“I don’t know if I can live anymore,” Clyde told him. “I’m too much of a meme lord to live through this.”

 

“Umm Clyde,” Tweek interrupted. He extended his hand and said in a light voice, as if he was trying to convey private information. “Craig is more of a meme lord... than you.”

 

Clyde blew a raspberry, “no he’s not.”

 

“What are you guys talking about?” Token asked. He was carrying his backpack full of books, already been at his locker.

 

“Token,” Craig asked. “Who’s a better meme lord? Me or Clyde?”

 

“Clyde sends too many shit memes,” Token said. “You don’t send as much, but before they were banned you sent really good memes..”

 

“Goddamn it,” Clyde cursed.

 

“Haha told you,” Craig bantered.

 

“You know what?” Clyde realized, “Let’s make a bet.”

 

“A b-bet?” Tweek asked.

 

“Who can spread as many memes before getting caught,” Clyde initiated. “If I win, you have to give me $40. If you win, I’ll give you $40, and my LGBT Center membership.”

 

“Really?” Token raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a little too-“

 

“Deal.” Craig extended his hand and shook Clyde’s. “Can we agree to use clever memes and not the cheap dead ones though?”

 

“Yes!” Clyde agreed. “I want this to be legit as possible.”

 

* * *

 

Within the next hour, the students were gathered in the gymnasium once again for an emergency assembly. This time, it was Mr. Mackey that prepared a powerpoint for the school.

 

“Okay students,” Mr. Mackey said, unsure about his volume on the microphone. “Today, we’ll be having an assembly on the subject of meme use.”

 

“Oh god damn it,” Eric said in his seat.

 

“Your parents wanted me to go over with all of you kids what not to do at school.” Mr. Mackey pressed on his clicker, making the next slide come up. “So just follow along with me on how to act to one another in hallways.”

 

Stan and Kyle, who sat next to each other, looked at each other in confusion.

 

“Kids, mkay,” Mr. Mackey announced. “When you kids walk through the hallway, please go about your way to your friends or classes or to recess.” The slide showed a picture of the the hallway filled with students. “There’s nothing wrong with saying hello and being polite to others.”

 

Mr. Mackey turned back around to the students and clicked the button again. “Next, you kids should be respectful to one another by greeting each other through small talk or hand gestures.”

 

The next slide showed a picture of two students laughing at each other. The student on the left, however, had the “triple six” hand gesture. (Okay, in fair truth this hand gesture- the “okay” emoji if you must- has so many fucking names I can’t even keep count) Their hand gesture was also below their belt level, just shy above the knee.

 

At the mere sight of this, the students started to become agitated.

 

“Wait- what’s happening?” Mr. Mackey asked, confused about the students’ condition.

 

“Mr. Mackey,” Wendy said, her voice loud enough to reach Mr. Mackey at the stage. “You just did a meme.”

“I… I did?” Mr. Mackey asked.

 

“Mackey!”

 

Mr. Mackey looked to his right to see PC Principal with his arms crossed on his chest. “Get this shit down now and come to my office!”

 

“Aww, god damn it.” Mr. Mackey turned off the powerpoint as the students started to leave the assembly.

 

* * *

 

That night, the parents were once again gathered at the South Park Community Center, agitated at today’s events.

 

“Mr. Mackey was given two weeks detention and was punished for doing a meme!” Mr. Stotch yelled. “And all of us didn’t even know what that meme meant!”

 

Butters intervened, “Umm, dad-“

 

“Not now son!” his father roared. “How the hell are we gonna punish kids for doing memes if we don’t even know half of the memes?”

 

All the other adults in the audience started shouting, rioting at the confusion.

 

“Mr.Stotch calm down,” Shelia said, “We’ll find a way to avoid mishaps like this ever again.”

 

“Then what about us?” Mr.McCormick yelled. “My wife and I were arrested for smoking in our home because it was April 20th!”

 

“Memes are still evil everybody-“

 

“Then what about me?” Randy yelled. “I was arrested for looking at a rack of steak at Whole Foods!” (He is referencing the distracted boyfriend meme)

 

“EVERYONE BE QUIET!” Shelia yelled, silencing the crowds. “Everyone! Memes are still evil!”

 

Kyle, who as sitting beside his mother on stage, said, “But mom, memes are-“

 

“Can all the kids please go outside?” She yelled into the microphone, “NOW!”

 

Within an instant, all of the kids quickly scrambled out of their seats and ran to the back door exit. When the last kid was filtered out, Shelia continued her speech.

 

“Parents, I didn’t realize how many memes there are in the world. I’m sorry.” Shelia then turned to the next powerpoint. “That’s why we, as parents, must now learn all the memes!”

 

All the parents were baffled in confusion. “But Shelia!” Mr. Stotch stood up. “There’s no way we can learn all the memes in the world.”

 

“We can’t learn them ourselves,” Shelia said, “But we can be taught by kids about memes! Please welcome Corey Lanskin!”

 

At the left side of the stage, a first grader with dirty blonde hair came onto the stage. Holding a lollipop in his hand, Corey made his way to the podium, grabbing the microphone from there.

 

“Listen up you brooks,” Corey spoke in his London cockney accent, “I’m going to be teaching all of you a lot of things today. So focus the fuck up.”

 

“We’ll be paying Corey by offering him two hundred ounces of silver,” Shelia announces.

 

“Now shut the fuck up! All of you!” Corey got his laser pointer and pointed to the first meme in the powerpoint. “This weird, looking green frog is called dat boi.”

 

“Oh shit,” Randy said, before Corey hit the button to the next slide.

 

* * *

 

It took him nearly three hours, but now he was able to publish it.

 

Since he had gotten home from school, Clyde had started writing down ideas, jotting down memories, and contacting some of the Asian girls. He placed all of his ideas on a sheet of paper, drew connections, and realized that he could create a story line.

 

That’s right, Clyde was writing fan fiction. But not just any fan fiction- Creek fan fiction.

 

Well, it wasn’t really fan fiction, per se. It fit more along the lines of a short essay that was only a mere 19 paragraphs, talking about a point in the ship of Creek.

 

But the real point of this, Clyde’s real interior motive, was the paragraph structures. As Clyde wrote about Creek and how the Asian girls fantasized them to do heavily smutty things, Clyde snuck specific words to be the staring paragraphs.

 

_“Now that we’re alone,” Craig whispered into Tweek’s ear, “We can finally...”_

 

_Every time Craig spoke to Tweek with his nasally voice, it made his heart skip. No other person in the world could ever imitate Craig call his name. “F-final-ly wh-what?” He asked._

 

_Viciously, Craig pulled in Tweek into his arms. Their bodies touched, their hands grasping for each other’s clothes as their mouths collided. Craig whispered once more into his ear, “kiss you.”_

 

_Even though they were in the boy’s restroom toilet stall in the school, they both didn’t care as their mouth collided. Their lips touched, their tongues fought each other their-_

 

_“Really?” Someone shouted from the outside._

 

_“Get lost Clyde,” Craig shouted. “We’re busy.”_

 

_“Oh my god everyone is,” Clyde said, “but I need to take a shit.”_

 

_Neither of them wanted to leave. “Then fucking go to another restroom,” Tweek shouted, moaning at Craig licking his slender neck._

 

_“A ‘please’ would suffice you know,” Clyde said as he left the restroom._

 

_“Geez Craig,” Tweek said, removing his shirt over his head. “I never realized how... demanding you are.”_

 

_“I’ve been waiting for this Tweek,” Craig whispered. “I...”_

 

_Very delicately, Craig moved his body over his own; feeling the weight of Craig slowly draped over his tiny build. “What is it Craig?”_

 

_Even as Tweek was under him, Tweek was no doubt the most beautiful person Craig could ever see. His blonde lion’s mane was still going in all directions, but in this situation, it made his green- almost blue ombré eyes sparkle._

 

_“You’re special to me,” Craig said, sliding his fingers down Tweek’s slim built frame. Tweek’s pale skin on his chest shivered at the touch of Craig’s fingers. Craig could feel the individual chills Tweek was feeling as his hand crept lower... and lower._

 

_“Oh Craig,” Tweek moaned as Craig’s hand reached his belt. He closed his eyes, await for Craig to take control._

 

_Under normal circumstances, Craig would of unbuckled his belt. But something inside Craig made him stop._

 

_“Umm.... You okay? Craig?” Tweek asked. He opened his eyes, seeing Craig simply straddling over him with his hands still holding his belt._

 

_Politely, Craig asked, “Tweek, May I touch your penis?”_

 

Clyde then ran through the writing, checking it for spelling errors and any grammar issues. He found a website that he was able to publish it on- A3O3: Archiving An Antique of Our Own. He made sure to send direct links to every Asian girl he could contact, and made sure to emphasize the main point of this.

 

The first letter of every paragraph spelt: “N E V E R-G O N N A-G I V E-Y O U-U P.”

 

* * *

 

The next day of school was quite a particular one, as there was an adult at every corner of the school.

 

At the end of Shelia’s lecture, she had assigned every adult to certain roles throughout the day to the adults. Including herself, they were to act as Meme Police, correcting or disciplining any kid that act out any meme.

 

But all of that didn’t really matter to Kyle. Right now, he was with the new kid. The whole classroom was in the computer lab, and Mr.Mackey was leading on how to code equations for them to solve. As Mr.Mackey was once again getting himself lost in technology, the kids were all playing Fortnite.

 

“Dang it,” Butters whispered, watching as Clyde’s in-game character collected all of the wood and bricks he acquired from tearing down houses.

 

“Ack!” Tweed yelped, watching his character die in front of him by the hands of Red. Red’s character was then slain by Craig, who collected both of their belongings.

 

“Okay students,” Mr.Mackey told them, “I’ll be right back.” He then left the classroom.

 

“Take this Kenny!” Eric yelled, shooting his shotgun at Kenny’s character. Kenny’s character miraculously avoids most of the bullets, and was at very low health when he managed to pickaxe Eric’s character to death.

 

“Hey!” Eric shouted, “Fuck you!” Kenny flipped him off.

 

Wendy looked over to the row in front of her, and saw Kyle and the new kid texting each other. Looking at their monitors, it seems like the new kid and Kyle’s characters are in the air, somehow standing at the top of a tower made of bricks.

 

“Pst,” Bebe whispered. “I wonder what they’re doing?”

 

“Shush-“ Wendy motioned. “Let then do their thing. We shouldn’t interfere.”

 

“Wendy I’m getting flanked!” Red shouted.

 

“Oh shit hold on!” Wendy went back to focus on her game, letting the two kids text each other back and forth. 

> NK: Thank God Wendy stopped paying attention to us.

 

> K: Wendy kinda seems crazy about us though 

 

> NK: maybe she just wants me back in the club.

 

The new kid, after getting Satan out of his body, had requested a whole month off from the LGBT Center. They claimed that they needed a whole month to first off heal from Satan, and secondly to spend more time with Kenny about their secrets.

> K: that Michael kid really wants to talk to you.

  

> NK: the goth kid? I thought you guys took care of him last month.

  

> K: he never told us anything unless it was you.

  

> NK: of course (eye roll emoji)

  

> K: hey new kid, I was wondering though. Are you free tonight? 

 

> NK: I am free tonight. What should we do?

 

> K: I don’t know.

 

“Okay students,” Mr.Mackey came back into the classroom, “I know what the next step is talking about it.

> K: just meet me at the park. 7:30 pm.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Tweek asked.

 

The two boys, along with the new kid, Token, and Jimmy were in the school’s music room during their lunch break. Jason White had just joined the room, holding a video camera in his hands.

 

“We have to,” Craig told him. “Clyde’s winning a lot after writing about us using Rickroll.” Craig double tapped the button on the computer, and the screen filled up with Tweek’s live feed.

 

Jimmy strum a chord on their guitar, making sure the instrument was in tune. Token followed on thecello, strumming a chord to sync with Jimmy. The new kid also had a violin in their possession as well.

 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Tweek asked as he sat at the piano, allowing Craig to change the camera angle.

 

“We’re losing by a lot Tweek,” Craig now checked the second camera, aiming it at the whole piano and Tweek. “We have to do this or else I have to give Clyde $40.”

 

Jason powered up his video camera while setting up individual microphones for the instruments.

 

“It’s not like that’s the worst thing in the world,” Tweek admitted. “But have we really degraded down to this?”

 

“Honestly,” Craig said as he set up the microphones around the piano, “I kinda wanted to do this. And how is this degrading?”

 

“I don’t know,” Tweek told him. “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

 

“Honey,” Craig slid onto the piano chair, taking a seat next to Tweek, “You’ll do great. Trust me.”

 

Tweek smiled as he looked onto the sheet music that Craig prepared. “Okay.”

 

“Take one everybody,” Craig hit the record button using a wireless mouse, and told Tweek to start.

 

Tweek started by pressing his fingers into the piano at specific keys. The piano started releasing beautiful sounds, playing keys in the upper octaves. It played a light and heart warming sound, as a love ballad would.

 

Craig started singing, his voice not as nasally but still smooth: 

> Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me. I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He was looking kinda dumb with his finger and his thumb in the shape of an L on their forehead.

 

Tweek started playing more in the chord. He turned his head towards a microphone, and sang,

> Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun, Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

 

Now, Craig sang solo, facing his head towards Tweek.

>  So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go.

 

Tweek added in, looking at Craig.

> You'll never shine if you don't glow.

 

Craig sang solo, facing his head at Tweek next to him. Using his right hand, he started shaking the maraca whilst hitting his wrist at a box- producing a small beat-loop. 

> Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play.

 

Tweek responded, aiming his face towards Craig at his left. 

> Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid

 

They both sang together once again, holding the note in gold.

> And all that glitters is gold.

 

Craig sang, as falsetto as he can:

> Only shooting stars break the mold~

 

The music picked up again, with Token and Jimmy starting to play their instruments in more major octaves. The new kid started playing a single chord in repetition as well. Tweek looked back at Craig, focusing on his eyes, and sang: 

> It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now, wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ, judging by the hole in the satellite picture

 

Craig was still hitting the box and shaking the maraca as he sang, 

> The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

 

They both sang together,

> My world's on fire, how about yours?

 

Craig sang, smiling at Tweek. 

> That's the way I like it and I never get bored. Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play

 

Craig stopped shaking his instrument as Tweek sang,

> Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid

 

They both sang in falsetto,

> All that glitters is gold. Only shooting stars break the mold

 

For this Foley break, everyone was focused on playing their instruments. Jason walked around with the camera in his hand, taking camera angle shots of everyone. Taking his lens off of Tweek and Craig, he went on to focus on the other boys and the new kid.

 

Jimmy and Token were sat together playing their string instruments. Token sat with his cello standing up, strumming chords next to Jimmy.

 

Jason then zoomed out and went over to the new kid, who was now playing their violin. They made sure they had correct form and posture as the bow was moved back and forth against the strings.

 

Nearing the end of the Foley break, Jason returned to Tweek and Craig. The two boys smiled at each other, silently giggling at their motions.

 

Craig started singing once again,

> Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place

 

Tweek responded in an almost speaking-like singing.

> I said yep what a concept. I could use a little fuel myself

 

They both faced each other and sang in their falsetto,

> And we could all use a little change!

 

Tweek continued,

> Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

 

Craig then sang,

> Didn't make sense not to live for fun

 

Tweek continued. 

> Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

 

Craig sang once again, vigorously shaking his maraca back in forth.

> So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets?

 

Tweek sang almost as if he was talking,

> You'll never know if you don't go

 

Every other person but the new kid, Tweek and Craig, shouted: 

> Go!

 

Craig finished,

> You'll never shine if you don't glow

 

They both sang in duet, staring and smiling at each other.

> Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
> 
> Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
> 
> And all that glitters is gold
> 
> Only shooting stars break the mold

 

> And all that glitters is gold
> 
> Only shooting stars break the mold

 

As Jason panned out the shot, he focused on Tweek playing the last few keys on the piano. Craig smiled at Tweek as the blonde leaned his head along the Noirette’s shoulder. Jason managed to get everyone in the shot before Tweek finished playing the song.

 

“And cut,” Jason told everyone.

 

“We did it!” Craig said in cheer.

 

“Dude,” Token said, “I didn’t know you could sing like that.”

 

“Yeah,” Jimmy said, “Wh-wh-who knew?”

 

The new kid smiled as they set their violin down.

 

“Well, we need to do this at least two more times for better camera angles,” Jason told them. “Otherwise we have a shit video.”

 

“Awwww,” said by everyone.

 

At the end of the day, the video had been edited and uploaded onto YouTube, and shared by Tweek and Craig to all the Asian girls, Clyde, and every other person they could share it to.

 

Craig marked the score on his phone later that day. So far, Craig was winning by a landslide. He later checked the views on the video, and it had gotten over 500 thousand videos within that afternoon.

 

* * *

 

Randy stood at the corner of an intersection wearing a bright orange vest. God was he bored. He had been standing there for probably over an hour. And now, he was getting tired.

 

“I hate this job,” Randy said out loud.

 

The adults of South Park had created a schedule of shifts for them to monitor on meme usage.

 

“I hate it too,” Gerald told him. Gerald stood a few feet away from Randy, monitoring another section of the hall. “But we do get paid for doing this.”

 

“Aw, sweet we do?” Randy asked. “Wanna hit the bar after this?”

 

“Hmm,” Gerald hummed in agreement. “I can’t wait to crack open a cold beer with the guys.”

 

The nearest kid dropped their pencil bag from their hands.

 

“You know Gerald,” Randy told him, “If we watch the new Star War’s movie twice right now, Kylo Ren would be shirtless by the time we get out of here.”

 

“Dad!” Stan yelled across the hallway. “You just said a meme.”

 

“I did?” Randy said. A security guard came from the gathering crowd of children and handcuffed Randy.

 

“Dad,” Kyle said, appearing at the scene ashamed. “You... said an old meme too.”

 

“I did?” Gerald asked, actually confused. “I just said I wanted to crack open a beer with my friends and-“

 

“Sir that’s enough,” the security guard told him, his accent heavy and very southern. “You have the right to remain silent.”

 

“Oh goddamn it.”

 

* * *

 

Back at the community center, the adults- well, the remaining amount of them- were angry at the outcome at the school.

 

“What are we supposed to do?” Mr.Stotch asked. “Randy, Gerald, and a shit ton of other people got arrested for portraying memes that we didn’t know!”

 

“Yeah Corey what the hell?” Jimbo yelled. “I thought you said you taught us everything about memes!”

 

Corey gave the adults a disgruntled face. “Well of course I couldn’t teach you every single meme,” he said in his accent, “There’s just so many of them.”

 

“I think you could of taught us at least another five memes,” Jimbo retorted.

 

Corey gave the adults down in the audience an angry look. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Corey took out his lollipop. “There are over three hundred variants of memes and millions- perhaps billions- of jokes and things to reference.”

 

“...so?”

 

“S-so?” Corey yelled. “How the fuck can I teach you that many memes! There are more memes in the world than people times one million perhaps!”

 

“But there’s only like... 3 million people,” someone said.

 

“No...” Corey told them. “There are like... 7 and a half billion I think.”

 

“...oh.”

 

“People!” Corey smacked his hand for emphasis. “There. Is. Too many. Memes. In. This. World. I can’t teach you all all of them- and I can barely teach you one! I quit!”

 

Shelia grabbed the boy’s shoulder as he started to run off stage. “What about your silver?”

 

“Fuck your silver!” Corey flipped her off. “I don’t give a fuck about any of this anymore. All of you can go fuck yourselves.” He went to the side, stepping off the stage.

 

Shelia took a big breath as she realized that she had no plan for what to do next.

 

* * *

 

“Hey new kid.”

 

The new kid waved as Kyle approached them at the basketball court.

 

“Sorry I was late,” Kyle said briefly before giving the new kid. “My mom got screwed over by the Corey kid and had to apologize to everyone and I wanted to watch.”

 

The new kid smiled before signaling to Kyle that they would sit down at the park bench. Kyle followed along, sitting with the new kid.

 

“Psst.”

 

Wendy turned around in her hiding spot and found Tweek and Craig crouching.

 

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” Wendy whispered.

 

“We’re here to watch the new kid and Kyle,” Craig said in a low voice. “Kinda how you and the new kid spied on us.”

 

Wendy blushed before her mind flashed back to the day the new kid set up Tweek and Craig. “Keep it quiet.” She pulled out her phone, and signaled to the two boys the lamp post. “I got a nanny cam set up on top of the lamp post.”

 

Tweek and Craig leaned into the phone and saw that the camera was aimed down at the new kid and Kyle. Specifically, down to see the new kid’s cell phone.

 

“I got this aimed at their phones,” Wendy whispered. “We can read what they’re texting.”

 

“So...” Kyle looked around nervously, “what should we do first?”

 

The new kid shrugged, unsure on what to do.

 

“Actually,” Kyle realized. “I... kinda wanted to ask you something.”

 

The new kid turned their head sideways, facing their attention towards Kyle.

 

“We... I need you back,” Kyle said, “I need you back at the LGBT Center.”

 

The new kid sighed, raising both legs and sat cross legged on the park bench.

 

“I’m sorry new kid,” Kyle said. “I know you want a break and stuff, but Wendy... and Tweek... and Craig- they really need- we really need you back.”

 

The new kid brought their phone out and unlocked it. Kyle watched as the new kid started typing at the fastest thumb speeds- so fast that even he couldn’t keep up.

> Do you know why I took a break from the LGBT center?

 

Wendy zoomed in on her phone, aiming the focus on the new kid’s phone. It was a bit blurry, but she was still able to read some of it.

> Remember Beelzebub? Remember how I had to fight him with Satan in me?

 

> I don’t know why... but I felt so different after that.

  

> Sure, your body should feel different after the prince of hell takes over your body. But for me, I don’t know what the hell happened.

 

> After that night, after visiting you in the hospital... I started feeling different. I started feeling like I wasn’t myself anymore.

  

> I started to feel like I was only one side of me.

 

> I started searching myself after that- I stopped going to the LGBT Center because I could feel a rip in my identity, and I didn’t know where to go.

 

Kyle wrapped his arms around the new kid, who continued to type despite the heavy weight on him.

 

Wendy cursed herself, as Kyle was blocking the way of the camera. 

> Kyle... I went to Kenny for help, and what he did amazed me.

 

> Remember when I went to Casa Bonita and fought Vampires? I found myself again in the middle of all that. Fighting vampire kids, fighting Corey Haim.

 

“You fought Corey Haim?” Kyle asked.

> After that, I went home and everything became more clear to me. I was able to think clearly; I was able to eat more; I was able to fight even stronger.

 

“What was it?” Kyle asked. “What did you discover about yourself?”

> I realized that I’m non binary Kyle.

 

“Wait,” Kyle said, “I’m confused. Explain.”

> Wendy is genderfluid. Sometimes, she’s Wendy or Wendell. She switches between male and female roles slash identities, because she has flexibility between her genders, she is gender fluid.

 

> I, on another hand, was gender fluid in the sense that I was flexible in non binary and agender. I didn’t know if I was... like fully non binary, or just not a gender at all.

 

“What made you realize this?” Kyle asked.

> Well... I was just sort of stuck between all of this, and then Kenny needed my help at Casa Bonita. But really, Kenny just brought me back in my element, I guess.

 

“New kid,” Kyle whispered,” We being watched by Wendy... and Tweek and Craig?” 

> Really? Just when I got serious. Get ready to run.

 

Kyle let go of the new kid and stood up. Within seconds, he could smell foul gas coming from the new kid. And in an instant, the new kid flashed and suddenly, more gas was clustered around him.

 

“What the hell!” Wendy yelled.

 

The new kid turned and ran- Kyle sprinted behind him, realizing what had just happened. The new kid had time farted and paused time, punching Wendy, Tweek, and Craig 2-3 times each.

 

“I’m gonna kill you New Kid!” Craig shouted, his face scratched up from the vines.

 

Tweek rose up and clenched him, “Craig calm down-“

 

“You’re dead new kid!” Wendy shouted, taking out her smartphone.”

 

The new kid and Kyle ran down main street as fast as they can, making their escape away from Wendy, Tweek, and Craig.

 

* * *

 

“Oh god damn it!” Clyde shouted the next day of school.

 

Shelia had lifted the ban on memes, and now everyone was sharing to each other memes. Whether it would be on a subreddit, or as a Facebook tag, people were sharing left and right.

 

“I guess this is over,” Craig said. “We both lost.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Token asked. “Craig clearly won.”

 

“But the point is Token,” Craig told him, “we were both supposed to spread memes when they were banned.”

 

Tweek walked over and sat next to the slumped Craig. “Guess who gave us more fan art?” He handed Craig a stack of papers, each were hand drawn or painted or whatever style formatted by the Asian girls.

 

“For once,” Craig said, “I actually like these.” He flipped through the papers, seeing redrawn images of him and Tweek singing All Stars as a love ballad. “They’re not half bad.”

 

“What the?” Token asked, “who are you and what have you done to Craig?”

 

The four boys started laughing, even Craig joined in for a chuckle.

 

“Wait wait wait,” Clyde interrupted. “So all of you- even the new kid- helped Craig and not me?”

 

“Yeah dude,” Token said, “We were all a band and stuff.”

 

“What!” Clyde said, saddened by his friends. “That’s not fair.”

 

“Life ain’t fair,” Craig said. “I just hope that the new kid comes back to the center now.”

 

“Yeah,” Tweek said in agreement. “I wish they’d come back.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid and Kyle were huffing as they reached Stark's Pond. After sprinting across town, sprinting away from Wendy, Tweek, and Craig, the two kids managed to get themselves on the bridge. 

 

"I..." Kyle took in a deep breath, "I need a break."

 

The new kid leaned against the railing of the bridge, sliding down the side and falling on their butt on the bricks.

 

"Heh," Kyle slumped over, falling over and draping himself on the floor. "I... I can't move anymore."

 

The new kid chuckled, watching Kyle unzip his jacket. Kyle breathed heavily as his body laid flat against the bridge's ground. "We... we over did it." 

 

The new kid smiled as they laid flat next to Kyle. They were both completely drained from the sprint across town, and were both staring into the night sky.

 

"You... you know..." Kyle started speaking, trying to form sentences as best as he can. "I- I haven't ran like that since..." 

 

The new kid turned to Kyle's head; his black eyes meeting with Kyle's. They smiled, and started to silently chuckle. 

 

"Wh-what are you laughing at?" Kyle asked. "What's so funny?"

 

The new kid pulled out their phone, using only one hand to type. Their phone felt heavy, so they only typed with one hand- very slowly. 

> You were so surprised when I time farted.

 

"Hey!" Kyle said, "You didn't tell me you were gonna punch everyone!"

 

The new kid laughed out loud, actually producing a noise from his mouth.

 

"I'm glad you'er coming back new kid."

 

 

 

 

 

Here's All Star as a love ballad: [(CLICK HERE)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_It_SvRx3g%20%20)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, and episode 3 should be soon because I already started working on it. 
> 
> So I'm giving the meme talk a pause for the later episodes when the time comes. For now, please bear with me.
> 
> Okay, umm. Tumblr is Negira1239sp if you want to talk to me. Honestly, I'm down for any kind of conversation. 
> 
> So ummm.... I'll let yall comment on this episode now. Laters!~~~~
> 
> -Negira


	3. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael goes to the LGBT Center for help once he heard the new kid was back. Mike also decided to go to the LGBT Center. Meanwhile, Eric is determined to figure out his sexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just wanted to say that this chapter is based off a theory that I had while playing the Dusk Til Bonita DLC, and during the Goth Kids Episodes. In all honestly, I really like the goth kids in the show- they actually get a pretty good amount of character development in the show.
> 
> Anyways, please take this chapter with a grain of salt. You may disagree what I'm going at here, or you might agree. And also, no I did not rob anyone of this theory- I actually thought of this on my own, and if someone else did think about this, then please comment their video/blog/whatever in the comments.
> 
> One more thing- WOAH A CHAPTER UPLOADED A DAY AFTER THE PREVIOUS? Oh shit! 
> 
> Negira

 

It was another day in South Park. The weather was pretty shit in comparison to the day before. The birds were chirping their fucking shit day it seems.

 

Michael woke up with with a sigh once again. He pulled his curly hair back with his hand and sighed again. Huffing from his sleep, he glanced over to his pale right arm, and then to his right at the alarm.

 

He woke up from another dream once again.

 

Using his right hand, he wiped the morning dew in his eyes and yawned loudly. It was 7:13 in the morning. Not that he cared for school, he decided would be a good time to rise.

 

Michael pulled himself out of bed, his legs slightly aching from the odd positions of the night before. He can hear them crack and shake as he stepped across the carpeted floor to his closet.

 

And with that, Michael got ready for school. Wearing his usual white dress shirt, black jeans, black boots, black long jacket, and his accessories, he was almost complete with his morning look. He opened the drawer and placed the white box of cigarettes into his pocket, and pulled out his journal.

 

Michael kept a red journal with a black skull for about seven years. Of course he didn’t write in it as a four year old- he started to keep record of his emotions in it as he started third, fourth, and now fifth grade. He kept track of his activities, his emotions, what he should dislike/like, and everything else.

 

Flipping to the middle of the book, he got out a ball point pen and wrote in cursive.

> _It has been a while since his departure. It had been forever since her decisions. He struck my heart while she struck my body. As I fall to the ground, crumbled by conformists for eleven years, the more I realize... I need some fucking help._

 

He pulled a red silk tag from the book stem and set the book marker onto that page. He slipped the notebook back into the drawer before walking downstairs to his family.

 

His father sat at the table reading the local news on his iPad while his stepmother was preparing breakfast.

 

“Maikel!” She yelled, “You need to eat the ‘tou-chan!’”

 

It had been over five years since his stepmother moved in with him. She was from a small village in China that spoke Cantonese- a language more prominent in Hong Kong but he didn’t give a fuck. She had been living with him for practically his whole life at this point- and he simply hated interacting with her.

 

Michael sighed as he sat at the table, slumped over with both elbows on the wooden surface.

 

“Listen to your step-mother Mike,” his father assured him, “She makes a good breakfast you know.”

 

His father was really the main reason why he hadn’t left South Park with his friends. Really, he had a special relationship with his father. Despite them having arguments about his life choices, his father was very supportive with about anything else. And really, it probably was because his biological mother left them.

 

“The name’s Michael,” Michael told them. “I hate the name Mike.”

 

Within seconds, his step-mother placed a plate of sunny-side up eggs and toast in front of him. “Eat. You need to be big and not skinny!”

 

Michael sighed as he grabbed a fork. In his head, he thought to himself, ‘I like being skinny. I got it from my mom.’

 

“Neh neh nah!” His step-mother retreated back to Michael and slapped his hand away from the fork. “Try this,” she said, offering him a pair of metallic chopsticks.

 

Michael didn’t respond as he picked up the chopsticks. Usually, he preferred using a fork. But after living with his stepmother for so long, he had gotten the hang of using chopsticks. In fact, he had the best hold and technique for using them.

 

“Say thank you Michael,” his father told him. “In chinese.”

 

“‘Duo zhe,’” Michael said back with flat and monotonic Cantonese. He made sure to season the eggs with salt and pepper before adding soy sauce to the concoction.

 

* * *

 

Mike Makowski woke up in his bed without hesitation. Scratch that- he woke up from his slumber in his coffin without hesitation. He yawned loudly before stretching his arms in multiple directions. It was another day in this wrecked town.

 

Deep inside him, he sort of hated South Park. He didn’t like how small the town was or how close everything was, but for other reasons. He was glad that he got to know so many kids and that he got picked head of the vampire society that he sort of... liking the town more?

 

“Mike?” His Mother called.

 

“Yes Mother?” He answered, starting to get up from bed.

 

His mother was a frail woman in comparison to the other mothers in South Park. She constantly wore a blouse and jeans that really emphasized how frail she was.

 

“You should get ready for school,” she said. “I got your breakfast ready already.”

 

“Thanks mom,” he said. He got up and went to the restroom, where he changed into his usual attire.

 

Mike walked over to his room once more before pulling a purple journal from his drawer. He grabbed a blue pen before writing in it once again.

 

The journal was very organized from top to bottom. Mike hadn’t started the journal not too long ago, but had started it recently when his step-father moved in.

> _Yesterday, one of my closest friends in the vampiric society had asked me a personal question. He had separated me from the rest of vampires, asking for a private conversation between the two of us._
> 
> _When I asked about what he wanted, he told me that he was questioning himself. He was debating about his position in the gender spectrum. And as he’s trying to figure himself out by asking for advice from the LGBT Center, I started asking myself, “what the heck am I then?”_
> 
> _I told him that I would support anything that he would do, which made him really happy. He said that I should try referring to him as they them for a while just to see how they’d like it. After wards, they gave me a hug and told me I was the best person ever._
> 
> _And after talking to him- them! I want to figure myself out too. I really want to know if I am a male... or a female. I know I referred myself as a “alpha male” of vampires, but do I really like being called a guy? Am I a girl? A trans?_
> 
> _today I’ll go to the LGBT Center to find out._

 

Mike stashed the journal away in his drawer before coming downstairs to eat breakfast.

 

“Morning Mikey,” his mother told him. She wore a white apron while holding a spatula. “I made pancakes for you.”

 

“With strawberry filling?” He asked excitedly. Usually, his mother would help him with his vampiric traits, and he loved him for it.

 

“You should start feeding before your father comes back from work,” she told him. Recently, his step-father worked later hours and would come back when he would go to school. The task of stand up comedy and being a caseworker for Child Protective Services had become more taxing with hour obscure hours.

 

“Thanks mom,” Mike said as he sat down. He removed his plastic fangs before digging in, because really- who the fuck eats pancakes with plastic fangs on.

 

* * *

 

The new kid entered the school just in them as the bell rang. Slowly, students started shifting from their hang out spots to the classroom.

 

“Hey new kid,” Kyle said, having a Manila folder in his hands. “I finished the case file for the kid that came in last week.”

 

The new kid kindly accepted the file and opened it, skimming through its contents. The kid they both interviewed was one of the vampire kids that they (the new kid) fought back in Casa Bonita. After seeing them defeat Corey Haiem on stage, they were inspired to visit the center.

 

“They said they started using they/them pronouns,” Kyle told them, “And just look how happy he is.”

 

The two kids walked past a small group consisting of third grade vampire kids- their one kid being in the center of attention.

 

“I’m just trying out using they/them pronouns for now,” they said. “And I’m really starting to enjoy it- hey new kid and Kyle! Thank you!”

 

The two kids waved back before slowly walking towards their classroom.

 

And out around the corner, Mike stood and watched as Kyle and the new kid entered the classroom. He hated that he arrived too late to talked to them, and cursed the fact that he took too long eating breakfast. Mike decided that he would just visit the center.

 

* * *

 

Michael realized how fortunate he was with the new kid following him and back. After messaging him, the new kid had agreed to meet with him during lunch. Michael sat at his desk, taking some important notes while mostly tapping away on his cellphone.

 

And for whatever reason, he came to his mind.

 

_‘I remember when you came along_ ,’ he decided to record on his phone in the notes app. ‘ _Your black hair and blue eyes pulled me in_.’

 

“Michael,” the teacher called, “Why are you texting on your phone?”

 

Michael looked around him as now everyone- even fucking Mike- looked at him. “Sorry, I was messaging someone something.”

 

_‘Your desperation had lured me in_.’

 

“Then you can tell me what a biome is?”

 

_‘I gave you everything that I know_ ,’

 

“It’s a community naturally consisting of flora and fauna that occupies a habitat.”

 

_‘And you fucking left.’_

 

* * *

 

Eric Cartman had an angry face as he walked down the hallway. As he passed through the other students, the students started to scatter. Everyone knew not to mess up with Eric, especially with the mood he put on now.

 

He caught up to where Wendy was standing. She was currently talking with Bebe and the other girls when he pulled her out of her circle.

 

“What do you want?” Wendy shouted.

 

“Wendy,” Eric asked. “What’s my sexuality?”

 

“Huh?” Wendy asked, confused.

 

“The LGTB Center had been hiding my sexual identity since I got banned huh?” Eric shouted.

 

“No we umm,” Wendy looked around, looking for an excuse. “We already gave you your results didn’t we?”

 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Eric asked, holding up a sheet of paper. “Barely gynosexual- what the fuck does that mean?”

 

“What’s going on?” Craig asked. He had on his backpack, full of school books and supplies.

 

“You butt fuckers are hiding shit from me!” Eric shouted.

 

“No we aren’t.”

 

“YES YOU ARE!”

 

“No we aren’t.”

 

“YES YOU FUCKING ARE.”

 

“Look, Eric,” Wendy interrupted. “Just come after school and we’ll talk to you.”

 

Eric pouted as he started to walk away, both Wendy and Craig nervous and angsty as Eric disappeared down the hallway.

 

* * *

 

The new kid walked around the sides of the school and found themselves right at the truck loading zone. They found the goth kids.

 

After teaming up with the goth kids Shaun’s Clyde’s fortress of darkness, the goth kids were more friendly to the new kid. They allowed the new kid to their Satanic prayers and sacrificed, as well as other events as well. Even Henrietta trusted the new kid enough to team up with them against the vampire kids.

 

“Hey new kid,” Michael greeted. “I’m gonna talk with the new kid alone for a bit.”

 

“Go ahead Michael,” Pete said, puffing his cigar. “We’re not going anywhere.”

 

“You said it,” Henrietta agreed, leaning against a beam.

 

Michael got up from their group gathering and walked towards the new kid, taking them along side the school to a place where students were not running around. “So... how do I start this?”

 

The new kid looked puzzled.

 

“Okay umm...” Michael looked to the sky, staring at the gray clouds ahead. “I... want to visit the LGBT Center.”

 

The new kid simply nodded.

 

“Is there a time I should get there by or?”

 

The new just nodded, and pointed at the clock.

 

“Go... after?”

 

The new kid nodded yes.

 

“Okay, I’ll... see you there.”

 

The new kid smiled and walked away, letting Michael get back to his group.

 

* * *

 

Mike was already in the LGBT Center lobby, waiting for someone to assist him.

 

“Welcome to the LGBT Center man,” Tweek said, greeting him. He handed Mike the clipboard, “Just f-fill this out and we’ll see you shortly.”

 

“Thank you,” Mike removed the pen from the clip and started filling out the form.

 

“Do you have a preferred name?” Tweek asked, “or umm... pronouns?”

 

“I...” Mike thought about it, “I guess my vampiric name of Vampir is my preferred name, per se?”

 

Tweek rolled his eyes, “Sure man.” He left to the other couch where he continued with his homework.

 

Mike scanned the document in front of him, finding himself familiar with the questions listed.

 

_Do you find yourself questioning sex or gender? If so, specify._

_Do you find yourself questioning your sexual attraction to other genders?_

_Do you find yourself questioning your emotional attraction to other genders?_

 

Okay, he thought, I’m finding myself struggling with these questions.

 

“Are you doing okay?” Tweek asked. “You seem to be overwhelmed by the questionnaire already.”

 

“I never really... found myself out, per se.” Mike told Tweek, “I didn’t realize how specific these questions are... per se.”

 

“Well, we have to be specific so we can find out what you identify as.” Tweek grabbed the clipboard from Mike, “And even if we can’t find out what you identify as, we’ll try to be as close as we can.”

 

“I didn’t realize how much work really goes into this,” Mike said. “Really, I came because a fellow vampire started using they them pronouns and I just wanted to be a better ally to them- per se.”

 

“At least you come here at all.” Tweek skimmed over what Mike had filled in so far. “Most people just google whatever on the Internet and believe it’s real- wait your real name is Mike?”

 

“Mike is my mortal name,” Mike told him, “Given to me by my mortal mother. “I prefer being called Vampir.”

 

“Okay then, I’ll just go get the room ready,” Tweek told him. “Just stay here until the new kid or Kyle comes in. Usually they lead the interviews/talks.”

 

“What about Wendy, or Craig?” Mike asked.

 

“Wendy is busy with other club stuff while Craig is more of a... well, he helps me prepare things and keep shit in order.” Tweek walked away into a hallway, entering one of the offices.

 

Mike sat back down, patiently waiting and looking around at the center.

 

* * *

 

Michael awaited in front of the LGBT Center for the new kid. He sorted of hated that the new kid took forever to get to point B to a destination. He felt as if he was a NPC that was waiting for the main protagonist on an escort mission. But as he saw the new kid walking towards the front steps of the center, he dismissed the idea.

 

“Thanks for helping me with this new kid.” Michael stepped aside as the new kid opened the double doors. He followed the new kid inside, and looked around the lobby.

 

Being his first time in a LGBT designed safe space, he was surprised to see a lot more color pop. The couches were both beige colored but the floor had rainbow rugs around the waiting area. The walls were all painted white, but the windows spotted a blue tint and a royal blue border. The ceilings were constructed with panel lighting,, but there were so many origami cranes hanging from the ceiling top.

 

“Augh, it’s him.”

 

Michael could instantly tell who that was. “Mike,” he sighed, “Of course you’d be here.”

 

“The name’s Vampir!” Mike emphasized, “And why are you here?”

 

Tweek came out of the office, and saw the two fifth graders arguing in front of the new kid.

 

“You’re a piece of shit, ya know that?” Michael said.

 

“You mortal have no right to say such things,” Mike shouted back, “I bet you can’t go one day without smoking a cigarette now fucking lung cancer.”

 

The new kid stood in between the two fifth graders, intercepting their roasts.

 

“Smoking a sigh that I connect with the dark side of the world. Not like your orange juice obsession.”

 

“At least I don’t get called emo!”

 

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!”

 

“Ooo, looks like I triggered something in your emo mindset.”

 

“At least my step-parent doesn’t throw me shit birthday parties at shit Mexican restaurants!”

 

“At least my step-parent throws me a party. Unlike some people-“

 

The new kid pounded their fists on both Mike and Michael, pushing them both to a couch.

 

“GUYS!” Tweek yelled. “Stop fighting or else I’LL KICK YOU bOTH OUT!”

 

The two older boys huffed at each other, refusing to look at each other. At that moment, Kyle and Wendy walked into the center with Stan.

 

“What’s going on here?” Kyle asked.

 

“We have two people that want to be interviewed,” Tweek told them. “We also have to separate them.”

 

“New kid,” Kyle said, “Want to take Michael while I take... Vampir?”

 

“Vampir is my preferred name,” he said, “but my mortal name is Mike, per se.”

 

Michael sighed as Kyle escorted Mike into the first office. He then followed the new kid shortly to the second office.

 

* * *

 

Michael sat patiently in the chair as the new kid was preparing themselves. Sitting in a swirly office chair in front of Michael, the new kid also had with them a pen and notepad, the questionnaire that Michael mostly filled, an iPad, and a mug with some black coffee. Michael also had a mug of black coffee with him.

 

“So... how does this work?” Michael asked.

 

The new kid started typing on the iPad, and behind them on the television display was a mirror of their iPad display. On the notes app, Michael was able to read what the new kid typed onto there.

> I type on my iPad my responses because I don’t really talk.

 

“That’s seems pretty tedious isn’t it?” Michael asked.

> I’m used to it. So. Why are you here today?

 

Michael fumbled his fingers, realizing that he hadn’t prepared a speech or what to say. “I umm...”

> It’s okay take your time. We have all afternoon.

 

Michael looked back at the paper that he filled up. His eyes were first drawn to the first question of the questionnaire.

 

“I... want to find out who I like.”

> Who do you like?

 

“Not like that...” Michael responded. “What genders and... people I like.”

> We can totally do that. So. Do you like more than one sex?

 

“Umm... this was from the assembly the other day.”

 

The new kid smiled, happy that Michael actually remembered what they taught at the assembly.

 

“I guess... well, I like girls...” Michael listed, “And I did have a small crush on this boy.”

 

The new kid smiled as they jotted down on their note pad (not on the iPad) the information.

 

“And I haven’t really met other people that aren’t... in the binary genders.”

> Nicely worded. So how do you feel about them?

 

“It’s really only you that’s non binary you know,” Michael pointed out. “And you already know how I feel about you.”

 

The new kid chuckled, and continued typing on the iPad.

> So what do you look for in a partner? More feminine traits? Masculinity?

 

“A non-conformist,” Michael answered immediately.

 

The new kid rolled their eyes.

 

“What? I want to like someone that hates the world as much as I do.” Michael took a sip of his coffee. “But really, I don’t think I have a preference.”

> But you said you had a small crush on someone. May I ask who it was?

 

“They’re a boy.” Michael blatantly replied. “Someone you might know.”

 

The new kid didn’t write down any notes.

 

“What?” Michael asked. “So are we done here or... what?”

 

The new kid huffed. ‘Michael. We just started...’

 

In the other room, Mike sat across Kyle, ready to talk.

 

“Why don’t we start off with some questions?” Kyle brought out his clipboard. “Ask me anything you want to know. I’ll try to answer to the best of my abilities.”

 

“Well,” Mike thought for a second. “Why would someone use they pronouns?”

 

Kyle was sort of stumped when asked about this. “Well... someone might use singular they pronouns for multiple reasons. They may be questioning themselves or they might of discovered that maybe they’re not just identifying with he/she. It might just be because they just like it. It’s different for every case.”

 

“Okay umm,” Mike took a sip from his drink of Clamato juice. He didn’t notice Kyle giving him a side eye. “How can I learn to call them with they pronouns?”

 

Kyle thought for a second, and then responded. “Your friend just started identifying, so I guess you’re realizing how hard it is to call someone they once you already wired calling them he/she into your brain, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Mike said. “It was just once but I didn’t even catch myself until h-they corrected me. See, I just did it again!”

 

“It just takes time and practice,” Kyle told him. “Back then, I always called the new kid using he/him pronouns. But now, they identify as they them.”

 

“Listen,” Kyle said, lowering the clipboard to his lap. “Just know that for someone to start using they/them pronouns, especially in a town like this, is a really difficult thing to do. Despite it being their identify, most people aren’t comfortable sharing their pronouns- or enforcing them- with others when they’re not safe.”

 

“So does that mean,” Mike realized. “They feel safe enough to share this with me, per se.”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Yes. They feel comfortable enough to tell you.”

 

Mike smiled, holding his heart with his hand. “If it’s okay with you, I want to end this early today.”

 

“Okay,” Kyle told him. “Just let us know if you have more questions. I rather you go to someone who’s knowledgeable with LGBTQ information.”

 

“Okay,” Mike got up, and left the room. As he got to the lobby, he could already see the dark figure outside.

 

“It’s the vampire dork,” Michael said as Mike walked out of the center.

 

“Mere mortal!” Mike shouted, “You dare speak to me in that tongue, per se?”

 

“Move it ass-wipe, you’re in the way,” Michael said as he pulled out a cigarette.

 

“Nobody talks to me, Vampir, in that tone!” Mike brought out his bottle of remaining Clamato juice. “Bring it on, mortal!”

 

“Bring it on you fucking turd.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid didn’t realize how much they missed the LGBT Center.

 

The interior was now clean and carpeted except from the main lobby door to the hallway; there are now decorative and painted walls everywhere; and now they expanded from two couches in an L shape to three in a giant U.

 

“That’s not even the best part,” Wendy said as she walked the new kid into her office. Inside her office now sat an iPad. “Every employee gets a free iPad for... you know reasons.”

 

As the new kid held onto their free iPad, they heard a small explosion.

 

“What was that?” Wendy shouted.

 

“Ack!” Tweek ran past the office entrance, and pulled himself backwards inside. “Michael and the vampire kid- ack- they’re fighting in the parking lot.”

 

The new kid rolled their eyes and slapped their palm on their face.

 

“Really?” Wendy exclaimed. She drew the blinds up and looked out the window. “New kid, they’re in the parking lot. You know what to do.”

 

The new kid walked outside, knowing that the two boys wouldn’t kill each other. On second thought, the new kid ran outside the doors, worried that Michael might kill Mike on the spot.

 

* * *

 

Michael didn’t realize how evenly matched Mike was to him.

 

As he sent trails of flames from his cigarette to Mike, Mike sent ominous balls of dark gas to him, dealing a somewhat equal amount of damage.

 

“It seems that we are evenly powerful, per se,” Vampir said, acknowledging his opponent.

 

“Beat it poser,” Michael swirled his cigarette in the air, forming a red pentagram above his head. “Hail Satan.” The pentagram incased Michael, providing him some protection.

 

“I think it’s time for your ass to be beat, per se,” Vampir creates another orb of dark energy and sent it across the lot to Michael.

 

Michael braced himself, expecting the orb to hit his chest. But the orb exploded in front of him, the smoke of it being blown everywhere. As the air started clearing from the area, Michael could make out a kid standing in the middle between him and Mike.

 

The new kid stood in between the two boys, holding their hand out to stop the fight.

 

“Really new kid?” Michael called out. “I was just about to beat this fucking conformist.”

 

“Hey!” Mike yelled. “I was about to beat you, per se!”

 

“Umm, no you weren’t-“ Michael felt his body freeze at that instant. His chest was frozen, his arms were stuck. Michael watched as the new kid took the form of death and froze him and Mike in place.

 

Mike realized that he had been frozen once again, and braced himself against the new kid.

 

The new kid brought their phone out, and texted a quick phrase to the both of them.

> I’m done dealing with you two. Grow up and get along with each other or else I’m not helping you two anymore.

 

The new kid left the two boys, never turning their head back

 

* * *

 

Eric walked into the Center doors, observing the lobby. “Well, it looks like you did some renovations here.”

 

“Shut up Eric,” Craig said. He and Tweek were both sitting on the couch, both doing their homework.

 

“Please come with me,” Wendy said.

 

Eric started walking over with Wendy to the office inside the hallways. Once inside, he took a seat and waited for Wendy to be on the other side.

 

“So why do you want to know your identity?” Wendy asked. “We not even 100% accurate, you know.”

 

“Because I deserve to know!” Eric shouted.

 

“Okay what gives Eric?” Wendy asked. “What’s made you come here?”

 

Eric pouted, “I don’t have to tell you.”

 

“Then don’t. Get out you’re still banned here remember?” Wendy pointed to the wall, where a banned poster of Eric was hung.

 

Eric sighed, and exited the office and the Center all together.

 

* * *

 

“I wonder what’s with the new kid,” Stan asked to Wendy.

 

They both watched as the new kid loaded their backpack and slammed the locker door shut.

 

“I don’t know,” Wendy told him. “They just became silent after he broke up the fight between Michael and Mike.”

 

“Mike?” Stan asked.

 

“You know,” Wendy looked around, “the vampire guy leader.”

 

“Oooh,” Stan realized. “So what are you going to do now?”

 

“I don’t know,” Wendy told him. “Michael just hates the rest of us, so I don’t know if he’ll come back at all.”

 

Wendy and Stan walked out of the school hallway towards the outside doors. Michael watched in silence, hidden within the shadows as the new kid followed them out.

 

Michael slammed his back against the lockers and slid down the metallic doors. He sighed once more, nodding his head down towards his black shoes.

 

“Hey umm....”

 

Michael looked up to see Henrietta standing in front of him.

 

“Henrietta?” He asked. “What do you want?”

 

“Did something happen?” Henrietta asked. “We didn’t see you at lunch today.”

 

“I umm...” Michael looked back down at his shoes. “I fucked up getting the new kid to help me.”

 

“Wow,” Henrietta slid down next to him, sitting on the floor. “So how did you fuck it up?”

 

“Mike Wakowski was there,” Michael said.

 

“Ugh, the Vampire dweeb?” Henrietta asked.

 

“We kept fighting, and umm...” Michael sighed, “we both fucked up our chances of getting help.”

 

“I don’t see why you have to get the new kid to help you,” Henrietta asked. “Then again, the new kid is pretty goth.”

 

“Yeah,” Michael smiled, remembering when the new kid joined the goth kids. “But really...”

 

“Is it because you know the new kid will respect you back?”

 

Michael turned his head sideways, looking Henrietta in the eyes. “How did you know?”

 

“Everyone here is a poser.” Henrietta looked around, seeing that only third graders were around. “No one will ever know how painful life is, and what pain we suffer through.”

 

“So when the underpants dork asked me to join their team to fight the vampire kids, I gladly joined. Even though it was supposed to be a temporary thing, the new kid wanted me to join them afterwards.” Henrietta looked at her phone, and pulled out the selfie that they took. “The new kid overlooked my dark past and accepted me as part of the team. They treated me the same as everybody else, not as the fat pale bitch.”

 

Michael remembered the day they tried dressing normal. That really backfired.

 

“Why don’t you tell the new kid?” Henrietta asked. “You know what I’m talking about.”

 

Michael waited until Henrietta got up and walked on out of the doors, watching her disappear in the distance.

 

* * *

 

The new kid walked into the Village Inn, where they were already greeted by a waitress.

 

“Table for 1?” She asked.

 

The new kid pointed to the round table being occupied by Michael.

 

“Oh.” She rolled her eyes. “So you’re here to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, huh?”

 

The new kid was directed to the table, seeing Michael sitting alone with a cup of coffee in front of him.

 

“Hey new kid,” Michael greeted. “It’s just me tonight.”

 

The new kid took their seat opposite of Michael, looking at the menu in front of them.

 

“I umm... I wanted to apolo-“

 

“What can I get for you tonight?” The waitress asked. The new kid pointed to the coffee in the drinks section, and the waitress scowled at them. “Coming right up.”

 

As she left, Michael continued. “I just wanted to apologize for-“

 

“Here’s your coffee kid.” She said, planting down a mug with black coffee poured in it. “Milk and sugar is on the side.”

 

Michael waited for her to leave, and then continued. “I’m really sorry about fighting Mike and I-“

 

“Do you kids need some more coffee?” The waitress asked, “Or cream? Or-“

 

“Would you just fuck off lady!?!?” Michael yelled. His voice was so loud, everyone stopped talking and looked at the pent up Michael. The lady looked back at Michael, her face surprised by the sudden scream.

 

“Excuse me kid,” the waitress spoke back loudly, “I think you should leave.”

 

Michael clenched his fist on the table, his cigarette in his hand increasing the flames on the table surface.

 

The new kid reached over and slid their hand over Michael’s. Michael looked over at the new kid- confused at first. His eyes calmed down of rage and fury as the new kid slid a twenty from their pocket into the table. They stood up, dragging Michael with them, and left the restaurant.

 

“I’m... I’m sorry that I messed up the restaurant,” Michael said. “I’m... I’m just confused and got a lot in my mind.”

 

The new kid texted on their phone, and within seconds Michael’s phone vibrated.

> Just keep talking. I’m always listening.

 

“So... where should I begin?” Michael asked. “I just mad at Mike right now about Casa Bonita.”

 

The new kid looked at Michael with confusion.

 

“Mike usually invited me to his parties before he went vampire on us,” Michael said. The two kids were now waking outside. With the sun setting, the two kids were walking back home. “Back then, me and Mike were kinda close.”

 

Michael looked around in all directions, making the new kid pause their walk. “Can I tell you this secret new kid?” Michael asked. “I swear you can’t tell anybody about it.”

 

The new kid nodded, and the two boys continued their walk home.

 

Michael took a deep breath. He had never shared this information to a single soul outside from his father. No one in South Park knew of his dark past, not even his closest friends.

 

“My.... my Mother,” he started. Now, he was starting to have difficulty saying the next words.

 

“I-i-I-I-is...” Michael’s throat became dry and backed up. His mouth froze in place, his tongue stuck in silence.

 

The new kid turned around and spread both hands before sending a loud clap to Michael.

 

“Mike’s mom is my biological mom.” Michael said in one breath.

 

The new kid stepped back, realizing how big this was.

 

“When I was born,” Michael started, “my mother was scared of me. She’s heavily superstitious, and she noticed how dark I was.”

 

“She took me to father Maxi and he said that I was no doubt a son of Satan and darkness. After that, she left me and my father in hopes of creating a child that was not evil.” Michael looked around, seeing nobody was following them. “And then she fooled around with a guy and got fucked by him.”

 

The new kid realized that Michael was talking about Mike.

 

“Mike is my half brother I think,” Michael told them. “He doesn’t know this either, so don’t tell him.”

 

The new kid nodded, swearing to not tell the secret.

 

“And then that’s it,” Michael said. “She got together with that Adam guy at the Police Station. And that’s where everything is now.”

 

The new kid and Michael took a right on their path, the sun now almost set into the horizon. The new kid turned to Michael, looking at his expression.

 

“Um…” Michael was unsure what the new kid wanted to know.

 

The new kid pointed towards the direction of the LGBT Center.

 

“Oh.” Michael paused, making sure his story was right before saying it. “I wanted to ask for your help because I need help identifying myself.”

 

The new kid pulled on Michael’s long black jacket, tugging him towards their direction.

 

“What?” Michael asked, unsure what the new kid was asking once again.

 

The new kid raised an eye brow, winking directly at Michael.

 

“Oh,” Michael realized what the new kid was trying to say. “I umm. There was one boy who caught my eye.”

 

The new kid clapped, smiling at Michael.

 

“His name is Raven,” Michael told him.

 

The new kid tilted their head in confusion, as they never met a person named Raven.

 

“What’s wrong new kid?” Michael asked.

 

The new kid pointed to the red house on their right. They were already home at South Park.

 

* * *

 

 

Eric decided that tonight he would sneak into Kyle’s house and found out why they were hiding his information. He never trusted Wendy to simply give him the information, and Craig was too much of a douche bag in his eyes.

 

After sneaking into the red head’s house so many times, Eric had gotten to getting to Kyle’s bedroom at the second floor at the palm of his hand. He used his spy set and managed to raise hisself onto the second floor of the house. From there, he managed to get to Kyle’s window.

 

And Kyle wasn’t there.

 

Moments later, Eric cursed at himself as he saw Kyle in the new kid’s bedroom. After surveying Kyle’s house for about half an hour, Eric left the red head’s house and walked next door to Stan’s. Stan was alone and already asleep in his room, so he went to the new kid’s house.

 

And there he was, talking to the new kid in their bedroom.

 

“What happened at the Village Inn?” Kyle asked. He was in his favorite Terrance and Philip pajamas, sitting on his bed.

 

The new kid was also in a set of pajamas. They made their way to Kyle’s bed, writing something on their phone. The new kid handed Kyle their phone as they climbed onto the bed.

 

“Wait, really?” Kyle asked. “Are you sure you wanna go through with this?”

 

Eric hid behind the wall, making sure the two kids wouldn’t be able to see him.

 

The new kid nodded as they laid down on one side of Kyle’s bed.

 

“Wow…” Kyle said, laying down next to him. “We have to tell him tomorrow, don’t we?”

 

Eric scooted one step to the left when his foot stepped on a twig.

 

“What was that?” Kyle asked, looking outside his window.

 

Eric jumped down from the outside of the house and managed to hide himself in the trees before Kyle opened the window.

 

“Hmm,” Kyle wondered out loud. “I wonder what that was.”

 

Eric hid behind the bush as he watched Kyle close the window. “I guess I’ll go tomorrow.’

 

Kyle laid down next to the new kid, rolling the blanket up. “Are you sure you want to bring Michael back to the LGBT Center?”

 

Instead of texting Kyle, the new kid typed something on his phone, revealing it to Kyle once he’s ready.

> Michael just has a bad life. We just need to treat him nicely, that’s all.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Kyle asked.

 

I don’t know. Michael just wants someone to talk about this. I mean, we don’t know what he identifies anyways.

 

“Fine,” Kyle said, cuddling into the new kid’s arms. “Just deal with him tomorrow. I’ll handle Mike.”

 

As Eric was climbing down the side of the new kid’s house, Cupid Me appeared above his shoulder.

 

“What’s wrong Eric?” Cupid Me asked.

 

“I… I don’t know Cupid Me,” Eric said as he landed on the ground. “I just feel… empty now.”

 

Cupid Me flew in a loop and flew in front of Eric. “But why~”

 

“I…” Eric looked over to the top window, seeing the light in the room become dark. “I don’t know Cupid Me.”

 

“Is it because Kyle is with the new kid?” Cupid Me asked. “Is it? Is it?”

 

“Shut up Cupid Me!” Eric said, trying to quiet the being. “They’re gonna hear you!”

 

“You like Kyle!” Cupid Me teased, “You like Kyle!”

 

“Knock it off Cupid Me!” Eric shouted. “Fuck you Cupid Me!”

 

“Fuck you!” Cupid Me teased, laughing along as he flew towards the direction of Eric’s house.

 

“EY!” Eric shouted. “GET BACK HERE!”

 

“Did you hear something new kid?” Kyle asked.

 

The new kid waved away the noise, promising Kyle that it was nothing worth looking into.

 

* * *

 

The new kid stood next to Michael in the hallway, the two of them standing in the middle of the hallway.

 

“There he is,” Michael pointed at Mike. “Why do you want me to do this?”

 

The new kid pulled their phone out and sent a rapid text to Michael.

> You and Mike must make up with each other or else I’m helping neither of you.

 

“If I fuck up then Mike is also fucked too,” Michael said out loud. The new kid smacked his back, pushing him forward.

 

Mike turned around from talking with his vampire friends and saw Michael standing there. “What do you want, mortal?”

 

Michael sighed. “Mike. You wanna hang out this weekend?”

 

Mike walked towards Michael, signaling his friends to stand down. “What’s this for?”

 

“The new kid says that we have to get along or else they won’t help us.” Michael pointed behind him, showing that the new kid was behind him.

 

“Ugg. Fine.” Mike grabbed Michael’s phone and placed his number in. “Village Inn I guess?”

 

“Whatever.” Michael said, rolling his eyes.

 

Mike turned around and returned back to his friend group. Michael turned around and returned to the new kid, who was clapping with happiness.

 

“Shut up new kid.” Michael told them.

 

* * *

> I have a random question.

 

“What is it new kid?” Kyle asked. Kyle, the new kid, Stan, and Wendy were all at the McDonald’s eating chicken nuggets.

> Who’s Raven?

 

“Raven?” Kyle asked. “Who’s Raven?”

 

“Oh.” Stan spoke. “How did you hear about that?”

 

“Who’s Raven, Stan?” Wendy asked.

 

Stan told everyone, “Raven was my name when I became goth.”

 

The new kid’s eyes were wide open.

 

“You broke up with me for Token and then I became goth.” Stan started eating a single chicken nugget. “And I drank coffee and shared depressing poems with the goth kids.”

 

Despite being mute, the new kid started laughing at the sound of that.

 

“What’s so funny new kid?” Stan asked.

 

The next kid sent the text message that Michael liked Raven to Kyle.

 

When Kyle read the message, he was drinking a sip of his soda. He almost choked on the amount of soda, making sure he swallowed the carbonated liquid before bursting into laughter.

 

“What the hell new kid?” Stan asked.

 

“Kyle are you okay?” Wendy asked, offering him napkins.

 

The new kid then shared the message to Wendy. When she read the message, she slapped her hand over her mouth before bursting into laughter herself.

 

“What the hell guys?” Stan yelled angrily.

 

For the rest of that day, Stan was angry at the new kid. He didn’t speak to them for the rest of the day, constantly giving them the trademark Stan Resting Bitch Face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I thought about writing a chapter fully on Michael's development since season 1. When I finished the storyboard, I put this on reserve until I started planning out season 2. And with the DLC being about the vampire kids* I realized that Michael and Mike could actually be related. Seriously, they're the same age, same body type, same hair and eyes, and Mike and Michael are similar names. 
> 
> *I added an asterisk to this because I somewhat knew the DLC would be about the vampire kids before it came out. Like, the only weakness in TFBW that wasn't in the game was vampires. 
> 
> Anyway, (I found out anyways isn't a word, it's anyway) I realized that I need to make adjustments to the plans and have to somewhat rewrite Episode 4. Expect episode 4 and 5 to come out sometime before May ends. 
> 
> One last thing, talk to me! I'm always open for debate, a conversation, anything. Also, I should add this in as well: if you ever need help with LGBT anything- like terminology, awareness, whatnot- talk to me! I'm certified to talk about the LGBT Community (through my experiences and by my knowledge) so I can help if you need advice or just want to talk. 
> 
> Wheee I guess I don't have anything else to say. Welp. Contact me on tumblr @Negira1239sp.
> 
> Thank you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Negira


	4. Zumiez is for Depressed Emo Fags

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike’s Mother finds out that her son is hanging out with the leader of the Goth kids- Michael. Eric Cartman tries to find a way to cheat the HQ game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it’s been a while since I posted anything. And I sincerely apologize for that. Truth be told, I do have everything planned out but this chapter really hits home and made me realize how much more research I needed. I asked like four of my friends for like their advice and stuff to write this.
> 
> Also, i can ensure that episode 5 will come out before the end of this month! 
> 
> Contact me via Negira1239sp on Tumblr or on here if you want to talk about anything.
> 
> Thank you guys, gals, and non binary pals.

The new kid was so glad that Michael and Mike are finally cooperating with each other.

 

Well, originally the objective the new kid was going for was to not get them to kill each other while at the LGBT Center. But now, the tensions slowly withered away as they now sort of became acquaintances.

 

The best part about it was that they were able to cooperate and put a schedule up for the new kid, they planned alongside them to appropriately plan out sessions for each boy.

 

As the new kid was wrapping up the paperwork, there was a knock on his door. The new kid sat their desk as Kyle awkwardly opening the door slowly.

 

“New... kid?” Kyle asked, unsure if the new kid was in the middle of something. The new kid stared back, their expression blank. “Umm… It’s time to go.”

 

The new kid nodded and jumped off their desk chair. They grabbed their things and followed the red head to the exit.

 

“We have to hurry!” Kyle said, rushing the new kid out the door. “The game starts in five minutes!”

 

The new kid hurried out of the door, not even having time to watch Kyle lock up because Kyle somehow locked the door already.

 

Within four minutes, Kyle and the new kid were at Eric’s house. They both turned their phones on as Eric let them in.

 

“You guys have thirty seconds to get your bitchass-es a seat!” Eric yelled, pointing them to the sofa. The whole living room was filled with all of the other kids. Stan and Kenny were at the couch, sitting next to each other. Butters, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Token, Jimmy, and Timmy were all almost the floor around the couch. Each person was checking their phone consistently whilst keeping a conversation with another.

 

“It’s starting!” Craig yelled. Everyone immediately quieted down and stared down at their phones. The new kid sat on the couch arm rest whilst Kyle and Eric sat on the couch.

 

“5!”

 

“Oh geez!” Butters wheezed out.

 

“4!”

 

“Oh man!” Tweek gasped, “It’s starting!”

 

“3!”

 

“I wonder how much money it is today,” Clyde wondered.

 

“2!”

 

“Shut up Clyde!” Eric shouted.

 

“1!”

 

“It’s starting!” Stan yelled, “Shush!”

 

The background music played as the video on the screen started playing special effects. Everyone watched as now all of the waiting was finished, and now the competition began.

 

On the screen, in live time, a man in a tuxedo appeared. “WELCOME TO HQ!”

 

_-If you don’t know, HQ is a game application that you can install on your phone. Twice or three times a day, a live stream comes up hosted by the HQ people and anyone with the app can join. Usually (well now) they have like almost a million, if not more people playing every day. The game itself is trivia based, and all you have to do is get to the final round, answering all of the questions correct. Once you get a question wrong you’re automatically eliminated until the next round._

 

“Okay guys remember the plan,” Eric reexplained, “We all put the same answer to all the questions until we get stumped.”

 

“Got it,” everyone replied.

 

“And once we get stumped we each split up and pick an option. Remember our options?” Eric asked. This time, everyone nodded. “Hmm.”

 

“Wait what happens when only one of us remains?” Clyde asked.

 

“Pssh,” Eric backlashed, “THat’s not gonna happen.”

 

_— Three minutes later—_

 

“Oh geez!” Butters cried out, “It’s Kyle and the new kid left!”

 

After six rounds, everyone got eliminated except for Kyle and the new kid.

 

“And you said this plan was gonna work fatass,” Stan complained.

 

Eric looked at Stan with disgust, “How the hell was I supposed to know bird’s nest is actually a chinese drink made of bird spit!?!?”

 

“The new kid and Kyle knew,” Craig said, pointing at them. “They’re on round seven.”

 

“Jesus Christ!” Tweek shouted, watching the tensions rise.

 

“Shhh!” Clyde yelled, “It’s question 8 now!”

 

Everyone watched as Kyle and the new kid listened onto the question:

 

“What,” the announcer asked, “Is China’s official currency?”

 

“What the fuck is that?” Clyde yelled out loud. “I don’t know what it is!”

 

“Me neither!” Tweek yelled.

 

“Fuck!” Kyle shouted, “I pressed the wrong one!”

 

“No!” Eric screamed, “New kid- did you-“

 

The new kid nodded, focusing on the screen still.

 

“Holy heck!” Butters yelled, “New kid is on question nine!”

 

“Holy shit!” Stan said.

 

“I can’t see!” Craig told everyone as he was now trying to see the new kid’s game.

 

“Oh god damn it!” Kyle yelled. “The new kid died.”

 

“Awwwwww,” everyone said in sadness.

 

“Oh well.” Eric told everyone, “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Michael and Mike sat in front of Stark’s Pond, standing a distance away from the lake’s waters. They were both throwing rounded stones into the lake shore, simply talking and having a conversation.

 

“The emo kids are coming back,” Mike said. Ever since he started hanging out with Michael, he started to not say “per se” at the end of almost ever sentence. He threw a smooth stone the size of a lock pad into the lake. The stone skipped three times over the water’s surface before imploding into the lake. “I think they’re coming from that new store at the mall- Zumiez?”

 

“Not a fucking Zumiez,,,” Michael said with both hands in his pockets. “That place is a fucking graveyard full of depressed and suicidal emo fags.”

 

Mike chuckled, “Don’t forget psychopathic.” He picked up another smooth stone.

 

Michael cracked a smile as he watched Mike chuck a stone. This time, the stone only skipped once and plunged into the water.

 

“Awww shit,” Mike pulled out his phone, reading the new notifications. “My mom’s here to pick me up.”

 

“Oh.” Michael looked down at the floor, kicking a set of rocks beside his foot. “It’s getting late anyways.”

 

Mike walked over to where Michael was standing, and smiled at him. “I had fun just talking today.”

 

Michael turned to the other boy, looking at his fake fangs in his mouth. “You and your fucking fangs,” he rotated his body towards Mike. “Go home Mike. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

 

Mike turned around and started walking towards the trail back to the parking lot of the church. Michael waited until the boy was gone behind the trees to move. He didn’t want to risk anything with the situation, and he didn’t want to start anything. That’s why he waited for fifteen minutes before he started walking home.

 

“MICHAEL?!?!”

 

* * *

 

Michael could still see the sun setting as he started his walk home. After talking with Mike for about two hours, he could feel his lungs urge for the taste of a cigarette.He never smoked cigarettes in the company of other people- or in school. He grabbed his lighter in his pocket and lit a cigarette, putting the white tube in his lips. Michael blew the smoke out of his mouth, feeling the instant release of happiness in his body.

 

Mike sat in the passenger seat of his mother’s car. His mother sat at the driver’s seat, speaking into the car’s bluetooth speaker system. He didn’t know who she was talking to, what they were talking about, or how long they were talking. Well, he could read the panel in the middle of them, but he didn’t want to turn his head. He was just staring back at the overhang of trees leading to the lake.

 

Ever since he started talking truthfully to Michael, he found out he had a real connection with him. Whether it was talking about how to attack the emo kids or the newest trends in dark adversaries, they had a lot of common ideas and interests.

 

“Hey look,” Mike told his mother, “that’s my new friend Michael.”

 

His mother glanced at the skinny boy nearing the exit of the trail and looked away at her phone. She then took a double take, looking back at the boy once again.

 

“MICHAEL?!?!” Mike’s Mother yelled.

 

* * *

 

Michael heard the screen and shifted his head towards the center of the noise. He froze in horror, realizing that it was his birth mother at the driver’s seat of the car.

 

“Mom?” Mike questioned. “How do you know-“

 

“YOU’RE NEW FRIEND IS MICHAEL?” She screamed, ending her phone call.

 

Michael remained frozen at the sight of Mike’s Mother- his mother- yelling at Mike. Mike held a look of confusion staring at his mother.

 

“WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!” his- their mother- yelled. She turned the key and ignited the engine.

 

“Mom!” Mike yelled, “Calm down!”

 

Michael remained still as the SUV floored across the parking lot. He watched as the car sped past him, watching it drive down the street at a fast speed.

 

Reminiscing the cold, sad eyes Mike gave him when he stared out of his passenger window one last time.

 

* * *

  

“Mom,” Mike asked, raising his voice, “Why did you do that?” His voice cracked at the word that.

 

“Mike, honey,” His Mother replied, “Keep you-your voice down.”

 

“How do you know Michael Mom?” He asked, directing his attention towards his mother.

 

“Mike stop talking about him!” His Mother hushed at a loud voice. “He’s a bad influence and he’s dangerous!”

 

“Mom he’s not a bad influence!” He responded back, tears starting to come out of his eyes. His voice cracked, “He’s my friend!”

 

His mother pushed the brakes on the car, making the vehicle come to a sudden halt.

 

“Mike.”

 

Mike froze in place, realizing what he had just said. His fingers grew stiff, his breathing out balanced by his body’s angry state. “Mom...” he conjured up, his heart plummeting with the words he was planning to say.

 

“Why do you hate Michael so much?” Mike realized that now both eyes were creating tears that ran down both cheeks.

 

“Mike,” his mother said calmly, now pulling over to the side of the street. “Listen. Michael is a bad influence for you.”

 

“Mom...” he turned his head aside, not feeling comfortable to look at his own mother’s face. “Why do you assume he’s a bad influence? Is it because he smokes? Is it because he’s goth?”

 

“Honey,” his mother said, staring her son from her seat. “I just want you to be safe and-“

 

“Mom,” Mike yelped, cutting her off. “Michael is helping me with my identity. He’s helping me learn who I am. How is that being a bad influence?”

 

He could feel his mother building up her anger next to him. Mike kept his line of vision towards the window, not being able to look at his own mother.

 

“Mike! You’re missing the point!” She exclaimed, “That boy is the devil! He plays with the hands of Satan and he’s breathes fire!”

 

“I know mom...” Mike admitted, “I know he’s a Satanist.”

 

“You’re playing with the devil’s hand! Mike Wakowski you are in big trouble!” Mike kept his vision towards the quiet houses as his mother started weeping. “I knew I should of never allowed you to get into this stupid vampire trend.”

 

Mike turned his head slightly, “Mom!”

 

“It’s your stupid vampire shit that’s making you like this,” his mother shifted the gear and started to reverse the car slowly. “I should of never bought you those twilight movies.”

 

Mike sat in the passenger seat as his mother put the gear into drive. He sat at the seat, not saying a word to anyone. His legs were curled up, his arms were wrapped around them.

 

His mind only filled with the image of Michael.

 

* * *

 

 

The new kid walked into their bedroom and jumped onto their bed. They had just gotten back from Eric’s house after a game of HQ, and had just taken a really fat shit.

 

Their mother informed them that dinner would be ready soon, but really the new kid wasn’t hungry at all.

 

“Sweetie,” his mother called from the kitchen, “Someone came to see you!”

 

The new kid huffed as they got up from their bed and went out the door. They walked down stairs and were surprised to see Michael sitting at the couch.

 

“Sweetie,” his mother said, “Dinner should be ready soon, but go ahead and talk with your friend for a few minutes.” She then looked towards Michael. “Would you be joining us tonight?”

 

Michael was surprised to hear the invitation. “S-sure.”

 

“Thank you sweetie!” She turned around and walked back to the kitchen.

 

Michael stood up from sitting at the couch and asked, “Can we... talk else where?”

 

The new kid nodded and directed the pale fifth grader to their bedroom. They offered him the bed as they took a seat at the computer chair.

 

“Thanks new kid,” Michael started. “I... it’s Mike.”

 

> Mike? What’s wrong?

 

“We... we’ve been hanging out,” Michael told them. “And his mom caught us.”

 

The new kid took a second to realize that maybe Michael and his biological mother aren’t in the greatest of terms. 

> So what happened?

 

“I don’t know!” He cried, “His Mom floored it across the lot and down the street- I couldn’t do anything.

> Calm down Michael. Maybe Mike is okay!

 

“You don’t understand new kid,” he shifted his body so he could look out of the new kid’s window. “He still doesn’t know we’re half brothers.”

 

The new kid’s eyes opened wide at the realization.

 

“I need to free Mike,” Michael said. “My mom is a crazy fucking bitch.”

> No need to be so rash Michael.

 

“New kid,” Michael told them, “my biological mother is a crazy hardcore Christian who hates demons and all that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she does exorcisms and shit.”

>  Tomorrow. We’ll know for sure if Mike needs help tomorrow.
> 
>  I’m sorry Michael but we can’t save Mike from his mom- that’s probably the only other family member he got.

 

Michael sat there in awe, realizing that the same scenario would apply for him and his father.

 

“Sweetie!” His Mother called. “Dinner is ready!”

 

* * *

 

Mike sat alone in his bedroom with only a single lamp on.

 

He sat in isolation. Solitude. In a mental prison he set up himself. Mike kept thinking to himself about the sentence his mother said earlier.

 

“I knew I should of never allowed you to get into this stupid vampire trend.”

 

Mike laid down on his bed and curled into a ball, the voice of his mother haunting his mind.

 

“It’s your stupid vampire shit that’s making you like this.”

 

“I should of never bought you those twilight movies.”

 

He took a deep breath and rolled over, facing towards the window’s direction. The moon was high into the sky, showing off its beautiful white glow. The clouds formed a dark overcast onto the mountain town; the streaks of blue of the night sky rendered invisible.

 

Mike simply laid there, simply replaying the scenes earlier in his mind. The way his mother looked at him; the way Michael looked at them- those looks of loss were permanently scarred into his mind.

 

“It’s my fault,” he thought to himself. “Why did I do this to myself?” Mike grabbed a tissue from a close box and rubbed his eye of tears using the fabric.

 

“Why is mom hiding this from me?” Mike thought once again. “Am I just not important to her?”

 

Mike breathed in, and a scene from earlier flashed back into his mind.

 

“I knew I should of never allowed you to get into this stupid vampire trend.”

 

Mike grabbed the fake fangs in his mouth and pulled them out. Using another tissue, he placed them on the night stand.

 

“What have I become...” Mike sat up from his bed, and looked at his pale white palms. Examining the wrinkles across the palms, his vision focused on the numerous accessories on the wrist and fingers. He slowly rotated each hand, examining the glow of the dark jewelry. “Mom was right...”

 

“I... I did this...”

 

 

 

Mike pulled off every ring and accessory from his hands and face and placed them inside a black box. He then laid the journal he kept over it, and sealed it using a piece of tape.

 

Mike Wakowski had given up on being a vampire kid.

 

* * *

 

Eric sat alone in front of his locker. He leaned against the metal door, thinking to himself whilst recording information onto his notebook. School had not begun and he was dropped off by the bus early.

 

“Hey Eric!” Butters energetically greeted. “What are ya’ doing?”

 

“Hey Butters,” Eric greeted back. “I’m just trying to find a way to win the HQ game.”

 

After yesterday’s attempt of everyone losing at round 3-5, Eric decided upon himself to try to find a solution. So far, nothing had come up.

 

“I dunno Eric.” Butters said as he stood next to him. “Isn’t it a good thing to know that much trivia?”

 

“Not quite Butters,” Eric stood up from his spot and started to put his stuff away before class. “Knowing that much trivia, Butters, will make you stupid.”

 

“Oh no!” Butters exclaimed. “I don’t wanna be stupid!”

 

“That’s why I’m devising a plan to win this game once and for all,” Eric told him. “For us to win $1000 or more- each.”

 

“Wow Eric,” Butters complimented him. “You sure know how to take into account everything.”

 

“Take into account Butters are you-“ and then it hit Eric. “Butters! You’re a genius!”

 

“I am?” Butters asked, confused about what Eric was talking about.

 

“Meet me after school in front of City Hall. I’ll explain everything there,” Eric left Butters standing where he was. Butters had no idea what Eric was planning, but he knew him such that this idea would cause extreme mayhem.

 

* * *

 

Michael and the new kid scanned through the hallways looking for Mike. They searched every known vampire kid group hang out/click and asked where Mike/Vampir was. Needless to say, they were stumped.

 

“Where the hell is he?” Michael asked one of the vampire kids.

 

“Vampir called the head council and decided to take a leave of absence,” the young vampire kid explained. “He’ll be back soon I hope.”

 

“How the hell do you take a leave of absence?” Michael asked. “You can’t fucking leave your friends.”

 

“Yeah,” the vampire kid said, “But you know how Vampir’s step-dad? He called us last night and told us that Vampir’s going through some stuff.”

 

Both the new kid and Michael remained silent.

 

“It was really awkward and stuff,” the kid told them. “We just placed it under ‘leave under absence until further notice.’ Sorry guys.”

 

The new kid and Michael waited for the vampire kids to walk away before they began their conversation.

 

“What the hell do we do now, new kid?” Michael asked. “We’ll never find Mike at this rate.”

 

The new kid patted Michael’s shoulder and pointed behind him. Michael turned around and dropped his jaw.

 

Mike was in all black as usual, but there were streaks of purple in his outfit. There was a steak of bright purple in his hair shadowing over his left eye. He wore a different T-shirt than what he usually wore. And finally, he did not have fangs on. Once he saw the new kid and Michael standing next to each other, he simply turned the other direction and walked away.

 

“Fuck he’s running.” Michael turned around, “Mike!”

 

The new kid and Michael chased Mike through the halls. They pushed through several students, chased through a maze of hallways, and eventually ended up at a dead end. Mike accidentally ran into a dead end outside of school. Though the doors leading to the playground, Mike lead the two kids to the alley beside the school, never turning his head around to their attention.

 

“Mike,” Michael stated calmly, “Why the fuck did you bring us here?”

 

Mike turned around to face them, and revealed his face. His eyes were puffy and full of tears. “What else do you want from me?

 

“Ummm…” Michael stood confused. “Excuse me?”

 

“What the hell are you and mom hiding from me?” Mike yelled.

 

Michael stepped back, remaining silent at his question.

 

“Why the hell did my mother become insanely angry just by looking at you?” Mike asked. “Did you commit a crime with her? Did you frame her for something?”

 

Michael grunted, remaining silent as Mike shifted closer to him.

 

“I don’t know what the hell you did with my mom,” Mike pushed his palm onto Michael’s chest and pushed him back. “I don’t know what kind of secrets you’re keeping from me. But I do know one thing Michael.”

 

Mike stepped back, staring at both the new kid and Michael. “I can tell that both you and my mother hate me.”

 

The new kid and Michael watched as Mike walked past them, never looking back.

 

“Oh my god.” Michael realized.

 

 

 

“He’s turning EMO.”

 

* * *

 

Eric wondered around the stage inside the community center and observed the crowd. Almost every adult was in the community center, sitting on chairs and using their phones.

 

“You sure this is gonna work Eric?” Butters asked.

 

“It sure will work,” Eric told him. “I got every adult to play.”

 

Every person seated in the audience was now loading the livestream on their phones. The people in the crowd included all of the parents, local farmers, staff members of the school, and other strangers in South Park.

 

“How did you do that?” Butters asked.

 

“At some point or another,” Eric told him. “I did something for the town and they owed me one. Now, they’re all just… repaying the favor.”

 

“This game seems stupid,” Randy told his wife. “We just answer trivia questions?”

 

“We owe Stan’s little friend a favor anyways,” Sharon told him. “Plus this only takes ten minutes.”

 

“I could be finishing my food blog right now,” Gerald told his wife.

 

“I know Gerald,” Shelia told him. “But remember we owe Eric a favor remember?”

 

The adults heard the microphone adjust and silenced themselves. Eric walked towards the middle of the stage and held the microphone in his hands.

 

“Thank you all for coming,” Eric greeted them. “The game starts in two minutes and twenty seconds.”

 

“What are we supposed to do in this game?” Randy asked.

 

“You and everyone are going to answer trivia questions,” Eric told everyone. “You move on to the next round if you get it right.”

 

“But what happens if you get it wrong?” Someone asked.

 

“Then you lose and you’re eliminated.” Eric turned and saw that he only had a minute and fifty-seven seconds until the game starts.

 

“Why are we playing this again?” Craig’s father asked.

 

Eric yelled, “Because you all owe me a favor from either saying the town from hippies or some shit like that!”

 

“Oh yeah.” Randy realized.

 

“So.” Eric reassessed, “Remember to answer the questions correctly and get to round 12.”

 

“Wait wait wait,” Randy asked, “We have to play to round 12?”

 

“Yes,” Eric answered, “Now get your phone on hand and get ready!”

 

“Eric,” Craig called from the front row, “The new kid isn’t here yet.”

 

“Wait what?” Eric asked.

 

“Yeah!” Tweek replied. “They’re off- neh- doing club stuff.”

 

“Oh god fucking damn it!” Eric cursed. “They’re the best fucking player too!”

 

* * *

 

The new kid took a look on their Manila folder to make sure this was the right location. It was a green house that mirrors every other house in South Park. The color was red, and in the front of the house was a SUV. This was the right place.

 

They walked up to the door step, knocking on the door three times in a pattern. They waited a while before a person opened the door.

 

Behind the door was an older woman who was fairly skinny. She was wearing a light colored blouse and a pair of blue jeans and black flats.

 

“Hello,” the woman greeted, “and who are you?”

 

The new kid took out a sheet of paper that had a picture of Mike on there.

 

“Oh sweetie,” The woman reported. “Mike isn’t home right now. He’s at school right now.”

 

The new kid waved the woman good bye as she closed the door. They turned around, and started walking towards the school.

 

And then their phone started vibrating.

 

The new kid pulled their phone out and accepted the incoming phone call.

 

“New kid what the hell are you doing?” Eric yelled.

 

The new kid placed on display the Manila folder.

 

“HQ starts in 45 seconds!” Eric screamed, “Get your ass over to the town square!”

 

The new kid shook no, showing the Manila folder.

 

“Goddamn it-“ they put their phone away in their pocket and continued walking down the street.

 

* * *

 

Mike stood alone at the top of the school. The roof was somewhat filled with snow, making it a bit slippery. But thanks to the shoes he wears, it’s somewhat non-slip.

 

The young fifth grader stood on top of a stable vent to look over the forest and Stark’s Pond- or whatever he could see from up there. The wind was very faint, but he still wore a red and black checkered scarf around his neck. Sure, he was cold from the wind, but he enjoyed the serenity of silence.

 

The location was becoming to be Mike’s new spot of thinking. Just thinking. Nothing else in life. It was here that Mike realized how many secrets his family was hiding from him.

 

For one thing, his mother and Michael were hiding a big secret away from him. And given his father’s position in the police force, it seemed closer to drugs and alcohol.

 

Another thing he realized was that his mother, the ever so sweet woman that raised him, used to be a heavy alcoholic. She gave up after joining a Christian Revivalists Group, and then raised him alone after his biological father left the family. It was from this experience that really stemmed him into the darkness that is… vampirism.

 

Mike can recall the day that he wore those plastic fangs. It was from Halloween treat-or-treating that he wore the accessory. And after how awesome he looked as a vampire, he decided to incorporate small parts of the style into his daily clothing.

 

And slowly and surely, he met new friends along the way that sympathized with his decisions. They joined Mike in wearing black clothing and having colored hair in bright colors. They were also brilliant students as well, so no one was gonna tell them to stop.

 

Eventually. The South Park Vampire’s Society was formed, consisting of kids across all ages. And that was when they picked Mike to be the leader- that same day they formed the club.

 

Mike took a deep breath as he sat on top of a rusted vent. Just thinking about the past was making the boy more depressed as he is. Despite him having such wonderful memories come to mind, none of that answered his questions.

 

He’ll never figure out the connection between Michael and his mother.

 

He’ll never figure out why his mother hated the vampire side of him.

 

And most importantly, he’ll never figure out who he is.

 

 

 

 

“Hey there.”

 

Mike didn’t even turn his head. He only scrunched up his legs towards his chest as Michael sat beside him.

 

“Are you done thinking about your life?” Michael asked.

 

“How do you know my mother?” Mike asked, not even batting an eye.

 

“I asked first,” Michael told him. “So?”

 

“Fuck you liar.” Mike said, his voice deep and emotionless.

 

“Fine,” Michael realized that he wasn’t going anywhere with Mike if he kept this attitude up. Michael sighed as he approached the other fifth grader. “Where do you want me to start?”

 

“From the beginning.” Mike sat up, finally giving Michael his attention. “How did you meet my mom?”

 

Michael took a deep breath. He didn’t want to tell Mike that he was his half brother yet. As much as Mike deserves to hear it, Michael knows that he’s not ready. “You know how I’m a Satanist?”

 

He knew Mike would eventually learn the truth. Mike was an intelligent boy who would help others find their path.

 

“Yeah,” Mike agreed, “Like Henrietta.”

 

The moment wasn’t right for Mike to know. Michael despised lying to him like this,

 

“Your mother was part of that religious group that tried to ‘pray the gay away’ a few years ago,” Michael told him. Well, he wasn’t technically lying, but he wasn’t going to reveal everything yet. “Your mother tired to put me through that too.”

 

* * *

 

Eric was surprised to see that he was at round 10.

 

Well, he was more surprised by the fact that more than half of the group was still at round 10.

 

Through the collaborative effort of Eric, the boys, and the adults of South Park, over fifty people were in round 10 of HQ. Thanks to several adult’s knowledge of several trivia questions, they were able to all progress slowly. Those who were eliminated were only out due to poor reaction time.

 

“Question 11,” the announcer asked, “What is the smallest state in the United States- by size? Your options are: Rhode Island, Hawaii, Connecticut!”

 

When the three options popped up, someone in the audience yelled Rhode Island. Then everyone pressed that option.

 

“The answer is, Rhode Island- with 1,045 square miles!”

 

“We made it to round 12!” Eric shouted. “Everyone get ready!”

 

“Oh man!” Tweek said, “This is too much pressure!”

 

“Tweek,” Craig assured him, “Calm down. Everything will be fine.”

 

“Question 12!” the announcer asked. “What ingredient is not found in Red Bull Simply Cola?”

 

“What the fuck is that?” Eric asked.

 

“Is it 1) Corn Mint. 2) Grapefruit peel? Or 3) Galangal?”

 

“What the fuck do we press?” Randy shouted.

 

“EVERYONE PRESS SOMETHING!” Eric shouted.

 

And everyone tapped a random answer.

 

“And the correct answer is... Grapefruit peel!”

 

“HOLY SHIT I WON!” Eric shouted.

 

“I-I won too!” Tweek shouted.

 

“Noo fuck!” Clyde shouted.

 

“Goddamn it,” Token cursed.

 

“Awww goddamn it.” Randy admitted.

 

“And now for the prize, $1,000 for the winners!”

 

“We’re rich! We’re rich!” Eric shouted, dancing on stage with his phone in his hand.

 

“Everyone will now receive 13 cents!”

 

“Wait what?” Eric asked.

 

“Due to the game having only 130 winners, everyone will be compensated with thirdteen cents. Thank you all for playing!” the livestream ended, and those who won received third teen cents into their bank accounts.

 

“So... That’s it?” Randy asked.

 

Eric was in complete utter shock of what happened. After researching for about three hours on how to win this game, he didn’t even know about the prize pool being split between the winners.

 

“Can we go home now?” Randy asked.

 

* * *

 

 

“So...” Mike was trying to put the pieces together, “My mom hates you because you’re a hardcore Satanist.”

 

“Yup.” Michael took a drag from his cigarette, and popped his mouth. The smoke of the cigarette ignited and combusted into numerous flames.

 

Mike watched as the smoke cleared immediately around them from the ignition. “And your parents sent you to Camp New Grace where they tried to ‘pray the gay away?”’ Mike asked.

 

“I was only there for a few days because I was a ‘trouble maker,’” Michael stated. “They sent me home after that.”

 

“Then what about how you met my mom?” Mike asked. “I know my mom never worked at that camp.”

 

“Your mom was at that meeting that one night.” Michael added in. “The Cthulhu meetings in some guy’s basement.”

 

“I thought that whole cult thing ended a few years ago,” Mike said. “So you knew my mother for a while.”

 

“I just showed up because you know, eternal darkness is pretty goth.” Michael took another drag. “I stopped showing up to meetings because of her.”

 

“She always said some people freaked her out at her meetings,” Mike told him. “She told me they were book club meetings but I knew they were Cthulhu cult meetings.”

 

“So...” Michael asked. “Do you feel better?”

 

Mike looked around, and hesitated to say yes. “No. I still feel like shit.”

 

Michael took another drag from his cigarette. “Why do you feel like shit?”

 

Mike scratched his head, digging his fingers into the roots of his hair. “It’s because- gah- I... I don’t know!”

 

“Come on dude,” Michael said to him. “Just speak. Put that soul into your words.”

 

Mike took a deep breath. “I... I...”

 

 

 

“...I don’t know if I should continue being a vampire kid.”

 

Michael was a bit confused by that statement. “I don’t get it.”

 

“Neither do I!” Mike stood up from his spot and stretched his legs before wandering in circles. “I started becoming Vampir because I really liked the look and how everyone was looking at me, and then more people dressed up being vampires.”

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Michael asked. He still hated the whole vampire group and their reasons, but he did sympathize with the idea of identification within groups.

 

“It was- until people started twisting the words and identity of vampires!” Mike turned towards Michael from his wandering. “Like vampires hate the fucking sun. Vampires are simply normal people, not fucking snakes who hiss and shit!”

 

“And don’t get me started on Twilight and the whole sparkly Edward thing. That’s fucking bullshit.” Mike was starting to raise his voice- almost to a shout. “We would fucking die in the sun but noooooo they just have to sparkle up like Gucci slides.”

 

“Mike,” Michael said, stopping Mike’s rant. “Woah woah woah back it up. You’re just shit talking about vampires. You were supposed to talk about why you joined in the first place.”

 

“I dunno.” Mike took a seat back on the air vent. “I just think... we’re lame now.”

 

“You think vampires are lame?” Michael asked.

 

“Kind of? Like, sure we vampire kids have some flaws portraying them. But I just liked the overall mood and the level of sympathy we all have towards each other. I like that connection.”

 

“Mike,” Michael said sternly. “What the fuck are you saying? You’re not answering yourself.”

 

Mike realized that he went tangent once more. “Fine.”

 

Mike looked around and scanned the area. He didn’t want anyone else to hear something like this from him, nor did he want anyone to find out. “It was last night. My mom asked why I became a vampire kid.”

 

“Did you answer her?” Michael asked.

 

“No.” Mike took a small breather, “she called it stupid right in front of me.”

 

Michael sighed. “So you think your mom hates you because you’re a vampire?”

 

“No.” Mike turned to face Michael once more. “She made me realize that... I believed in something stupid for years.”

 

Michael sighed once more, nodding to Mike that he had said the correct thing.

 

“So what do I do?” Mike asked. “Do I keep believing that I’m a vampire kid and let my mom continue hating me- and you. Or do I just quit it and just leave this all past me? Just be me for me and be a normal kid who just likes Twilight?”

 

“What’s making you decide the other option?” Michael asked.

 

Mike turned towards the edge of the roof, examining the rest of South Park. The clouds were now dissipating, making the skies more clear for the incoming night time.

 

“Back when I got into the vampire get-up,” Mike started, “I just really enjoyed that shit. It made me feel more complete inside.”

 

“It made me feel like I could do anything because I had a strong background and my friends with me. I feel like I could actually believe in myself.”

 

“But you know what our parents and what the teachers told us,” Mike turned towards Michael, “We can’t believe in fairy tales. Eventually we’ll grow up and then we have to worry about taxes, and finances, and adult stuff.”

 

“I guess what I’m really scared is...” Mike paused, rubbing a tear coming out of his eye, “is now a good time to quit being a vampire before we grow up?”

 

 

 

“No.”

 

Mike turned to Michael, who was now standing next to him. “What?”

 

“No Mike.” Michael hid his blush by turning towards the edge of the roof. “You got it all wrong. Fairy tales are fairy tales, but they’re not just childish fiction. They’re meant to inspire us to do better in the future. They’re meant to give us sympathy when something wrong happens.”

 

Mike watched as the sun set behind Michael, who turned around towards Mike.

 

“We can still believe in fairy tales, you know.” Michael realized that the new kid was hiding behind the door leading back downstairs. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

Mike smiled as Michael walked walked towards him, giving him a pat on his shoulder. "I like your jacket," Michael said, blushing as he lifted his hand away.

 

Mike chuckled. "I got this from Zumiez actually."

 

Michael smiled as he headed towards the exit, noticing how the new kid was smiling behind the door. Mike, on the other hand, watched the skies as he heard the metal door slam shut behind him.

 

Right now, the only thing on his mind was the advice that Michael gave him. Michael was truly looking out for him. Mike smiled and blushed as he started walking towards the exit.

 

“You saw the whole thing didn’t you New kid?” Michael asked.

>  Not all of it. But good job.
> 
>  

“Fuck you you conformist.” Michael lightly punched the new kid’s arm. The new kid pouted as they followed the fifth grader down stairs.

 

* * *

 

The next day, being a Saturday, was a more quiet day.

 

The call of summer was approaching. The air had notably gotten warmer, but it was still cold in the Colorado Rockies so it wasn’t much of a difference.

>  So what did Cartman do after the HQ game yesterday?

 

The new kid and Human Kite were on the top of the “Lofts at Sopapia.” The lofts were in mid construction when they were stopped being built. Fortunately, it created a quiet hang out spot for the Human Kite and Buttlord.

 

“It turns out Fatass swore to never play HQ ever again.” Human Kite adjusted his tail of string and small bow ties. “The adults were also pissed off at Cartman because Eric forced all of them to play.”

> I guess that’s how he won $0.13.

 

The two superheroes were given a task by the Timmy and Mysterion to do a two hour look out of the town. They both sensed that something was coming to South Park, but none of the kids were able to help since they were all busy with the HQ game.

 

“What do you think Mysterion is talking about?” Human Kite asked.

 

Buttlord pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to the Human Kite. It was a flyer for a brand new chicken tender restaurant that was coming to South Park.

 

“You think this restaurant is bad?” Human Kite asked.

>  I don’t think it is. CrusTea was so random because white people don’t drink boba.

 

“H-hey,” Human Kite realized. “But why do you think Mysterion is suspicious of this place?”

 

Buttlord pointed onto the flyer, specifically at the small map icon on the paper. The location was right next to the creepy part of town: the Ross Dress For Less.

 

“What do you think we should do?” Human Kite asked.

>  I don’t know. We’ll just wait it out I guess.

 

“Hey... new kid.”

 

Buttlord turned to their right, and looked at Human Kite with concern.

 

 

 

“Do you wanna... go on a date tomorrow?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you’re still confused about what HQ is, just google it. Basic synopsis: live trivia game where you answer trivia for cash (online money via PayPal). Honestly speaking, I do enjoy the game but my schedule doesn’t allow me to play at those exact times.
> 
> To Mike and Michael’s situation, yes it will get better. Yes they will eventually find out. No it will not be soon. EVENTUALLY.
> 
> And to the new kid and Kyle, yes the next chapter is about them. As well as Creek. As well as memes. 
> 
> And as I said earlier in the notes, I asked my friends for advice/how their conversations went out, and I modeled their personalities around those conversations as best as I can. Really, I don’t think it’s accurate to South Park Canon, but really this whole work isn’t canon, so does that matter? 
> 
> By the way, does anybody here like Raising Canes? Or knows what that is?
> 
> I guess I don’t have anything else to say, so thanks again for reading this. I’m gonna continue my life and cry and write and school and AHHHHHH-
> 
> -Negira


	5. Kyel? K-aisle? Kyul? Okay how do you spell how Eric pronounced Kyle?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new kid and Kyle are both on their “first date” since their talk, and both of them aren’t taking chances. They both call for back up... yeah it’s one of those chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I told you I’ll get a chapter out by the end of the month. 
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy this chapter- the longest chapter by far in this series. It has 8300 words I believe? Also I’m uploading this on mobile because I’m actually in San Diego (away from home) doing research. 
> 
> By the way, the first New Kid x Kyle ever in this season is in here... wow after 5 episodes as well. And shit this is my mid-season finale huh? Wow that went fast. 
> 
> I’ll talk more later. Remember, contact me via Negira1239sp on tumblr if you have anything to talk about. I’m game for anything really.
> 
> -negira

“Shut up Cupid Me!” Eric screamed at the little angel floating above him. “Shut up!”

 

Cupid Me, an angelic love archer, soared across Eric’s bedroom spreading little trails of hearts. “Ooo, am I triggering you?” He said in his little, higher pitched voice.

 

“Stop that Cupid me!” Eric yelled once more. “No you are not triggering me!”

 

“Then how do you explain yesterday?” Cupid Me asked.

 

Eric’s memory flashed back to when he, the Coon, was in his basement. He was reading levels of crime activity on his iPad when he received an alert from a past colleague.

 

 

“Billy Miller,” The Coon responded. “That’s a name I haven’t heard from in a while.”

 

“Shut the fuck up Eric,” Billy responded. “You know why I’m calling you right?”

 

“Ummm,” the Coon thought, “No. I actually don’t know why.”

 

“Because Eric!” Billy told him, “Have you ever heard of this place called Raising Canes?”

 

“Raising Canes?” The Coon asked. “The fuck is that?”

 

“It’s a new chicken tender place. Serves sets that come with crinkle cut fries, Texas toast, and cole slaw. They also have a custom sweet tea too.”

 

“What does this have to do with me?” The Coon asked.

 

“Listen you idiot!” Billy replied. “Raising Canes is competing with KFC! They’re starting to beat the Colonel in California!”

 

“But California is the most populated state with KFC,” The Coon said out loud. “I’ll scope out the location. Meanwhile you try to contact the Colonel.”

 

“Fine,” Billy replied.

 

And so, Eric Cartman- as the Coon- scopes out the new location of the Raising Canes. With it being across the street from the U-Stor-It, the Coon made it to the location in no time. He snuck underneath the gated fence and though the caution tape and searched the construction site.

 

“Nothing,” the Coon said out loud as he kicked the brick wall. “Nothing at all.”

 

The Coon searched the premises for about thirty minutes, trying to collect clues on the whereabouts of the new Raising Canes restaurant. But the search turned dry, as the construction was barely started and that nothing had been set up so far.

 

“Damn it,” the Coon cursed as he snuck under the gated fence. “Nothing here.”

 

The Coon was about to turn back, when he heard a series of farts. At first, he snickered, because really, who doesn’t love the humor behind farts? But after hearing seven more farts, the Coon’s senses were tingling. There was only two explanations for this: one was that Terrance and/or Philip are in South Park, or two: the new kid was constantly farting.

 

But based on the Coon’s experiences, there was only one reason why the new kid would fart seven times consecutively- Human Kite was helping him. And there was only one area where he saw a bunch of those stupid yellow wind fans: the Loft ruins.

 

The Coon was an expert climber. Thanks to his super powers- and his ability to find simple staircases and his ability to cling onto walls, he was able to make it to the top of the Lofts in half an hour. He grunted as he made it to the top floor, making sure he was not too loud.

 

“You think this restaurant is bad?” The Coon recognized that voice as Human Kite’s. He hid behind a small wall of cinder blocks and bricks and listened onto the one-sided conversation.

 

“H-Hey,” Human Kite said in realization. “But why do you think Mysterion is suspicious of this place?”

 

‘Mysterion,’ the Coon thought, ‘that dick is always hiding something.’

 

“What do you think we should do?” Human Kite asked.

 

The Coon waited several seconds, knowing that Butthole would take time to respond because they only text their answers.

 

“Hey… new kid.”

 

‘What?’ The Coon realized that Human Kite broke character. ‘What the fuck is he doing?’

 

“Do you wanna… go on a date tomorrow?”

 

The Coon rested his back against the blocks, his expression speechless by the phrase spoken.

 

“Then I’ll meet you at your house at 12.”

 

 

“HEHEHE!” Cupid Me snickered as he was only a few inches away from Cartman. “You got triggered, you got triggered!”

 

“Shut up Cupid Me!” Eric shouted. “I don’t like Kyle!” He said Kyle in his… accent? whatever it’s called.

 

“I never said anything about Kyle…” Cupid Me said, turning an aileron roll. “You like Kyle,” he teased, “You like Kyle!”

 

“Fine!” Eric said, giving into Cupid Me’s teasing. “I like Kyle. There.”

 

Eric sat on his bed, lying down and staring at the ceiling. “I… I like Kyle…” Eric smiled after that, feeling the small emotions in his mind flow into his face towards his mouth. “I like Kyle…”

 

“Hehehe,” Cupid Me chuckled, “you like Kyle~”

 

“But wait a minute,” Eric’s smile turned into a frown as he jumped out of bed and walked over to his window. “Kyle and the new kid are going on a date tomorrow. I have to stop it!”

 

“You can’t stop true love,” Cupid Me warned. “Nothing is more powerful than true love.”

 

“Exactly,” Eric said, solidified by his motivation, “You can’t stop true love.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, the gray musky clouds that usually covered South Park drifted away, revealing the first rays of sunlight the town have not seen in days.

 

Kyle woke up at exactly 9:30 that day. He was surprised to actually wake up full of energy- prepped and mind ready for the day to come. And he should be to: today was his date with the new kid.

 

Kyle got up from his bed and removed the green ushanka that he consistently worn. He looked in the mirror and observed the red fringes of hair that were folded by his hat. Normally, Kyle would of left his hair underneath the hat. But today, he felt a compulsion to fix his hair.

  

> I’ll meet you at your house at 10!

 

Kyle read the message and immediately ran to the bathroom to shower. He was glad that the bathroom was empty, and that he had already pre-planned the night before for today’s outfit. Who is he kidding? He wears the same fucking jacket and colored pants every fucking day.

 

Within fifteen minutes, Kyle was downstairs ready to start off his day. Ike was in the living room watching Little Einsteins. When Kyle walked past him, Ike made no hesitation to call out Kyle’s flair. “Hi Kyle!” He said, making the older boy stop. “You look extra.”

 

“Ummm...” Kyle was never called extra for the fashion angle, so this comment threw him off. “Thank... you?”

 

“Good morning Bubby,” Shelia called from the kitchen. “Breakfast is ready on the table.”

 

“Hey mom,” Kyle sat upon the seat in front of the dining table. “The new kid and I are spending the day together.”

 

“Oh that’s wonderful bubby,” his mother greeted. “Did you know your cousin Kyle is flying in today?”

 

“Kyle?” Kyle asked. “Why is he coming?”

 

“He said that that Dr.Mephesto is inviting him to South Park,” she stated. “And she also said that his plane lands at 10:30. I better get going to the airport.”

 

Kyle watched as she grabbed her purse from the table. “I’ll see you later mom.”

 

“Bye bubby!” She said as she scrambled out the door. “Bye Ike!”

 

Kyle ate his breakfast and saw that the time was 9:59. He walked over to the door, and was surprised to see that the new kid was standing outside.

 

“When did you get here?” He asked.

  

> Just now.

 

“Fine.” Kyle closed the door behind him. “Shall we... get going?”

 

* * *

 

Wendy, Bebe, and Red were all in Wendy’s bedroom all looking at new fashion clothes from a brand name store on the computer.

 

“Ooo,” Wendy pointed out, “That’s a cute beanie,” She pointed to the violet-pink beanie.

 

“I got to say,” Bebe started, “This sale looks amazing.”

 

“Hey gals,” Red pointed out the window, “Check it out.”

 

The three girls all glanced down the window, and saw the new kid and Kyle walking down the sidewalk together.

 

“EEEEEE!” Bebe and Red wailed. “THEY’RE ON A DATE!”

 

“That’s the signal!” Wendy realized. “We need to go!” She grabbed the mouse from Bebe’s hand.

 

“What are you talking about?” Bebe asked.

 

“Yeah Wendy,” Red agreed. “What are you talking about?”

 

“The new kid told me that they’re on a date with Kyle,” Wendy explained as she started exiting the window. “They wanted a back up group of friends so the date doesn’t go bad.”

 

“No fucking way REALLY?” Bebe asked.

 

“Really!” Wendy told her. “They texted me and everything!”

 

“So why didn’t you tell us afterwards?”

 

“Because I was busy with the LGBT Center!” Wendy exclaimed. “Haven’t we been over this?”

 

“Ugg fine,” Bebe whined.

 

“You know what this calls for, gals?” Wendy asked the other two.

 

“Not-Creepy Stalking!” Both Bebe and Red squealed, excited about the activity.

 

“Good,” Wendy said as she scrolled the wheel to the top left of the screen. “We’ll go to the mall later then.”

 

“I’ll go get my binoculars!” Bebe said, walking to the toy chest in front of her bed.

 

“I’ll tell the gals!” Red said, pulling out her phone.

 

“And I’ll see what I can find,” Wendy said as she whipped out both of her cell phones.

 

* * *

 

Stan walked over to the blue house and knocked on the door three times. Within seconds, Tweek answered the door. Craig was behind him.

 

“Hey, Kyle’s out.” Stan explained to them. “You guys ready?”

 

The three boys were Kyle’s back up group. Kyle had asked them the day before for assisting the red head on his date with the new kid. They all responded yes- because frankly, there wasn’t anything to do on Saturday.

 

“Yeah we’re- ready.” Tweek walked out of the house, fixing his hair.

 

“Where are they heading again?” Craig asked.

 

“Kyle said that they were heading over to the park in North Park,” Stan informed them. “That should take about fifteen minutes if we walked this way.”

 

“Wait!” Tweek realized. “Are we going to tail behind them? Won’t they see us?”

 

“You’re right,” Stan realized. “We can’t just follow them.”

 

“I thought we were going to just meet them there,” Craig said. “The point is that the location is okay not the way there.”

 

“You’re right,” Stan agreed. “We’ll go around town then.”

 

And so, the three boys set off the long route to North Park, taking twenty minutes to arrive at the park.

 

* * *

 

“Isn’t this nice new kid?” Kyle asked. The two kids were sat upon a bench in the local park at North Park. The park was designed more for couples, having nice scenery and arranged flowers and gardens.

  

> This place is beautiful.

  

> The last time I was here, it was night time so it was completely dark.

 

“You came to this park before?” Kyle asked, unsure how to react to that. 

  

> Oh- don’t worry it was one of those night missions with Mysterion.

 

“Right.” Kyle gulped. He was really nervous about the endeavor, and was unsure on what to do next. “Do you... wanna walk around?”

 

> Sure.

 

As soon as the two kids were off the bench, they were met with a familiar voice.

 

“Hey Bubby!”

 

“MOM?” Kyle turned around and saw his mother behind him. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Hey cousin Kyle!” The other Kyle popped out from the large mother from behind. He still wore his usual clothes, along with the hood and the kite hanging from his head. “I came to visit you and Dr. Mephesto’s lab!”

 

“Then what are you guys doing here?” Kyle asked, shy to see the last two people he wanted to see.

 

“We decided to stop by for lunch and we saw you two sitting on the bench!” His mother informed him. “Why are you two here?”

 

“Umm,” Kyle thought, “The new kid never came here before, so I brought him here.”

 

“Oh that’s nice!” Shelia smiled. “I’ll guide you boys around! I know just about every flower in this garden.”

 

“Um, no that’s okay mom.” Kyle injected.

 

 

 

“Shit!” Stan cursed. He, Tweek, and Craig were all hiding behind a bush a distance away, observing the conversation from a safe distance. “We need to do something now.”

 

“On it.” Craig grabbed a pebble from the ground and started making his way out of the bushes.

 

“Craig,” Tweek whispered. “What are you doing?”

 

“This,” Craig chucked the pebble into the air. The pebble flew across the pathway and directly hit the windshield of Shelia’s car. The car alarm triggered, making Shelia jump on her heels.

 

“My car!” Shelia yelped, running towards her vehicle.

 

Stan grabbed an arrangement of flowers and threw them over to where the two Kyle’s were standing. It landed beside the park bench, only Kyle noticing its appearance.

 

“Achoo!” The other Kyle sneezed. “Oh no my allergies! It must be triggering from all of these flowers and pollen.”

 

“Oh no,” Kyle said monotonically, “Whatever shall we do?”

 

“Oh no sweetie!” Shelia returned from her car, running over to the sneezing Kyle. “I’ll take you to the car. Kyle, come back in twenty minutes, I’ll bring you two to lunch.”

 

“Okay mom,” he said, not excited about having lunch with his mother and the new kid at the same time.

 

 

 

Within minutes, Kyle and the new kid were away into the park. Hidden by the trees and the architecture, Kyle’s Mother and cousin could not be seen no longer.

 

“I’m so sorry about that new kid,” Kyle apologized, “I didn’t expect my family to be here today.”

 

The new kid and Kyle took a seat on the next bench. This time, it was in the middle of the fountain, them sitting towards the direction of the fountain.

 

“Okay ready gals?” Wendy whispered into her microphone hair piece.

 

“Ready!” Bebe and Red responded.

 

> Don’t worry about them Kyle. Today is meant for just us.

 

“You’re right,” Kyle smiled. The new kid smiled as well, leaning their head on Kyle’s shoulder.

 

And at that moment, Red gave the signal, and the performers started performing. Out of no where, a single male wearing a red and white stripped shirt and a French beret swung up to the fountain and sang a French love ballad. A second male, who wore a costume similar, started playing his violin.

 

The actors, all hired and commissioned by Bebe, walked towards the fountain, bringing in their significant other or partner. They all started to Waltz to the man’s singing and to the violin playing, all swaying along to the melody.

 

Wendy ignited her computer, inputting code that she had prewritten the night prior. She plugged in the laptop to the lighting system of the fountain, and changed it to display more bright lights at certain areas. The fountain, despite it being midday and sunny, was bright enough to recreate the night glow.

 

“This is beautiful,” Kyle said. The new kid smiled, secretly texting Wendy a thank you.

 

The two kids watched as the singer and the violinist continued their performance, mesmerized by the dancers and the lights of the fountain.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Kyle and the new kid left the park, Stan, Tweek, and Craig stood at the front entrance.

 

“Where’s the next place?” Craig asked.

 

“It’s the French restaurant across the street from the hummer place,” Stan told him.

 

“I-I never been there before,” Tweek admitted.

 

“It’s okay,” Craig told him. “We’re not actually going to eat there. We’ll get spotted immediately.”

 

“Craig right,” Stan confirmed. “We need to stay outside and- is that Wendy?”

 

Wendy, Bebe, and Red walked out of the entrance, all talking about their plans.

 

“Oh hey Stan,” Wendy said, giving him a wave.

 

“What are you girls doing here?” Stan asked.

 

“We could be asking you the same question,” Bebe responded. “We just came to the park to watch to see the new flowers they planted.”

 

“N-new flowers?” Tweek asked. “Since when did they plant new flowers?”

 

“Over by the creek,” Red added in. Technically, they weren’t wrong, as the three of them dug and placed flowers accordingly for the fountain scene. “At the fountain.”

 

“What about you guys?” Bebe asked.

 

“We were doing the new meme,” Craig told them. “It’s called Gay Pondering.”

 

* * *

 

“Table for four,” Shelia told the waiter. Shelia, along with cousin Kyle, Kyle, and the new kid, were all at the French cafe located across the street from the Hummer Sale’s lot.

 

“Certainly. Right this way.” The waiter guided them to their table, allowing them to sit however they chose- the new kid sat next to cousin Kyle.

 

Within moments, all of them ordered, and the order was sent to the kitchen.

 

Eric slowly snuck into the kitchen through the back door, diving into the pantry as soon as he was in. Afterwards, Eric ran over to the plates and inspected all of the dishes that were about to the sent out.

 

“I don’t think you’ll enjoy this date, new kid.” Eric sprinkled in a white powder onto the steak, and mixed it enough to where it wasn’t visible. “Enjoy having constant vomit.”

 

Eric sprinted back to the pantry, and slowly snuck out.

 

“Okay, so who ordered the fish?” The waitress asked.

 

“That’ll be mine,” Shelia told them.

 

“Who ordered the salad?”

 

“Oo- that’s mine yes,” cousin Kyle said.

 

“And who ordered the steaks?”

 

Kyle and the new kid raised their hands, and the waiter set down the food to the correct people.

 

“How are we getting rid of Kyle’s mom?” Stan asked Tweek and Craig. The three boys were hidden beside the restaurant in a hedge. “Can you throw another pebble on their car?”

 

“I don’t think I should,” Craig told them. “We can’t throw another pebble. That’ll look suspicious.”

 

“I-Ngg- I think I have an idea,” Tweek told them. “Can you get me inside the kitchen?”

 

“What are you gonna do?” Stan asked.

 

“We really gonna feed coffee to the pigeons,” Tweek told them. “Coffee makes bird’s shit everywhere.”

 

“How are we gonna down a giant vat of coffee into a bird?” Stan asked. “Plus isn’t that cruel?”

 

“We give them bread dipped in coffee?” Tweek suggested.

 

Stan grunted, “Fine. Just... I don’t wanna see it.” Tweek and Craig continued on their way. They snuck in through the back- luckily the back door was unlocked- and stole a vat of coffee and several loaves of bread.

 

“What the hell do we do?” Wendy asked the girls. Unlike the boys, the girls got their inside of the restaurant. They also wore “disguises” that allowed them to hide from other kids.

 

“We need to somehow get the new kid and Kyle alone from his family,” Bebe informed them. “But how do we do that?”

 

Red lifted her sunglasses, glancing at the table of the new kid and Kyle. “I think the more important matter is that the new kid and Kyle have an experience.”

 

“I know,” Bebe said, pouting on the table. “I just don’t know what we should do.”

 

“We’ll just wait, okay gals?” Wendy lifted up the menu. “Now let’s order. I’m starving.”

 

“Did you get the pigeons?” Stan asked as soon as Tweek and Craig came back.

 

“We got them drunk on coffee,” Craig told Stan. “And don’t worry we did it in the parking lot where Kyle’s mom’s car is.”

 

“Okay dude,” Stan crouched behind the phone pole and used his binoculars. “Wait what the hell is happening?”

 

Kyle had only eaten one bite from his steak. He cradled his stomach in his hands, his back hunched and his eyes closed and in focus.

 

“Oh no,” Stan saw, “Something’s wrong with Kyle.”

 

“Kyle!” His Mother called. “Are you okay?”

 

“I don’t know,” Kyle said in pain. His stomach was reacting to something in the food, and it was creating so much pain.

 

The new kid tapped Kyle’s back, and Kyle leaned in against the new kid’s shoulder. They then escorted the red head to the bathroom.

 

“What the hell did you feed my son?” Shelia yelled at the waiter. “He has food poisoning now!”

 

“I don’t know,” the waiter cried, “I’ll go ask the chef and I’ll bring out the manager.”

 

As the new kid brought Kyle to the restroom, they passed by the table with Wendy, Bebe, and Red. They gave the three girls a desperate look for help.

 

“Holy shit I hope he’s okay,” Wendy told the girls.

 

“What happened?” Bebe asked. “Did we do that?”

 

“We didn’t do anything yet!” Red realized. “This is just a bad day for them I guess.”

 

“Wait!” Wendy whipped out her phone, “I saw a CVS Pharmacy a block away. Should we go buy medication for Kyle?”

 

“Yeah,” Bebe wondered. “Why not? Let’s go.”

 

The three girls paid for the bill and left the restaurant through the back door, which was conveniently unlocked.

 

 

 

“Oh geez,” Stan said while watching through his binoculars. “Look at Kyle’s Mom yell at the waiters.”

 

“Maybe we should check on him,” Tweek said. “We should support him anyways.”

 

“I saw a CVS Pharmacy a block away,” Craig informed them. “Maybe we can find something there for Kyle?”

 

Stan stood up and placed his binoculars in his bag. “Yeah let’s do it, I guess.”

 

* * *

 

Kyle really hated his life right now. He was hunched over a toilet vomiting his intestines out in a French restaurant. His mother was yelling and calling his father to sue the restaurant right outside of those doors. And the worst part is that the new kid- which was the last person he wanted to see for obvious reasons- was next to him doing those things.

 

The new kid used their hands to squeeze and massage Kyle’s shoulders as he sulked his head back. His breath felt like fire from the vomiting, and his stomach felt like there was a car engine igniting and combusting inside of him.

 

“New.... kid,” he whispered; his voice coaxed dry from the acidic vomit. “I... thank you.”

 

The new kid continued rubbing his shoulders, and immediately Kyle threw himself forward into the toilet as he gave another hurl.

 

“I wanna die,” Kyle cried out as soon as he was finished. The new kid continued to rub his shoulders after flushing the toilet.

 

“I’m sorry... that... you have to see me like this,” Kyle sat upright, noting to the new kid that he wanted to stand up. “I... I wished today would of turned for the better.”

 

The new kid moved aside so Kyle could walk over to the sink. Kyle washed his hands, his face, his mouth, and his hands again. He took an entire three minutes of vigorous washing to remove the smell of vomit from himself. The new kid waited with a glass of water provided by the restaurant as Kyle started to dry himself.

 

“Thanks new kid.” Kyle grabbed the glass of water and gulped it down immediately. “Didn’t you eat the same thing I did?”

 

The new kid shook yes.

 

“Why didn’t you vomit?” Kyle asked.

 

The new kid raised his shoulders, unsure for why they hadn’t had a reaction.

 

* * *

 

“There it is!” Stan pointed to the CVS Pharmacy in the distance. “Come on guys let’s hurry.” The three boys ran over to the pharmacy down the street and entered the glass double doors.

 

Stan looked at the signs hanging from the ceilings. “Okay let’s go look for some stomach medicine as well as some Tylenol’s and- wait is that Wendy?”

 

“Stan?” Wendy, Bebe, and Red were all standing in the aisle where the medicine for stomach flu was located. “Were’t you guys at North Park park earlier?”

 

“Yeah,” Craig answered. “You girls too.”

 

“What brings you boys here?” Bebe asked.

 

“We were umm...” Stan realized that he shouldn’t be mentioning Kyle because he was Kyle’s backup. “Planning to get medicine for ummm...”

 

“For Kyle?” Tweek answered. Stan rolled his eyes, as Tweek blew his cover.

 

“Actually,” Wendy spoke out. “We we’re getting Kyle medicine. The new kid just texted us.”

 

“Wendy!” Bebe shouted.

 

“Sorry Bebe, I need to know if I’m getting the right thing.” Wendy presented Stan with three different bottles. “Stan knows what Kyle is allergic to.”

 

“Yeah,” Stan said in confidence. “Get this one,” Stan pointed to the one on his right.

 

“Got it. We’ll bring it to the new kid then.” Wendy placed the other two medicines back on the shelves. “Thanks Stan.”

 

“Wait,” Craig realized. “What are you girls doing today exactly?”

 

“Well,” Red stepped forward. “We’re having a girls day by going to the park and then to lunch and to get manicures afterwards!”

 

“We are?” Bebe asked. Red slapped Bebe’s shoulder. “We are!”

 

“Cool,” Craig said. After that, the boys left the pharmacy, with the girls paying for the medicine.

 

“Woah,” Stan pointed up. “Check our all the birds.”

 

The pigeons of the local area had widened pupils in their eyes and were consistent flapping their wings. None of them were sitting in place. Several pigeons were laying dead beside the curb of the street while others were flying in circles in the air.

 

“Look at the restaurant!” Tweek pointed out. Pigeons from the parking lot flew in flocks over the restaurant causing mayhem. Customers and waiters held their plates and chairs in the airs to protect themselves from the violent creatures. “They’re shitting everywhere.”

 

“Holy shit!” Craig yelled. “Take cover!”

 

Several pigeons flew in a V formation towards the restaurant, all flying over the CVS. Three of them released a ping pong ball size amount of poop over the street, barely missing the boys.

 

“Fuck this,” Stan yelled. “Where’s the next place?”

 

“I don’t know!” Craig told them. “Their car is gone!”

 

“Wait look!” Tweek pointed to the green car at the end of the road. “There they are! Look!”

 

The green car at the end of the street was covered in bird poop.

 

“Where are they going?” Stan asked.

 

“They must be going home,” Tweek said. “Maybe they went to Kyle’s house because he got sick.”

 

“Shit,” Stan realized. “We got to go.”

 

* * *

 

“Damn it,” Eric cursed at himself. He was now in his bedroom, standing in front of a whiteboard scribbled with Eric’s ideas. “The food plate went to Kyle and it gave him food poisoning.”

 

“What’s wrong Eric?” Cupid Me asked.

 

“Cupid Me,” Eric pointed to a hand drawn picture of Kyle and vomit. “Kyle got the food I put that powder in. So now he’s sick.”

 

“Hehehe!” Cupid Me teased, “Why did you put it in his plate?”

 

“I wasn’t trying to!” Eric defended himself. “How was I supposed to know the new kid and Kyle got the same thing? And I wasn’t trying to poison Kyle!”

 

“Well now you did~” Cupid Me spun in an aileron roll once more. “And now Kyle is in his room and he’s sick now!”

 

“Damn it!” Eric threw his dry erase marker on the floor. “This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

 

“You should have gone with my plan~” Cupid Me offered. “I could just shoot him with my love arrow.”

 

“You know what, Fine!” Eric walked over to the window and clicked the hatch. The window slid to the right, making the gap wide enough for the flying entity. “You shoot Kyle with the love arrow. Got it?”

 

“Hehehe! Tee-he-heee!” Cupid Me flew out of the window and into the skies of South Park. “Tee-hee-heee!”

 

* * *

 

Kyle was so grateful that the new kid somehow managed to get him medication for his stomach.

 

Now that he wasn’t in a moving vehicle but now in his bed, Kyle was able to take a one hour nap and felt no pain from his throat or stomach. He did question how the new kid knew which medication to grab, but that wasn’t the issue.

 

The issue now was that the new kid was asleep next to him. In the same bed. With him. Sure, he had sleep overs with the new kid before, but today, right now... it felt different.

 

Kyle made sure not to wake up the new kid when he grabbed his phone. He checked the notifications, and saw that he had several messages from Stan.

 

> Dude are you okay?
> 
> Did you get your medicine yet? The new kid texted Wendy and we gave it to her.
> 
> Lmk if you need more help I’m at my house.

 

Kyle texted back immediately.

 

> Just woke up from a nap. The new kid is still here, but come over.

 

The new kid yawned as they started to wake up back into reality. They stretched their arms and cracked a few joints on their arms and fingers before turning to Kyle.

 

“I... woke you up didn’t I?” Kyle asked. He handed his phone over for the new kid to write back to him. 

 

> Yeah you did, but it’s fine. You make the cutest snores when you're sleeping by the way.

 

"I do?" Kyle asked, surprised to hear that. 

 

> Do you feel any better?

 

“I feel a lot better actually,” Kyle was still a bit queasy after the whole situation down earlier. But really, the new kid was here in front of him, and there’s not fucking way he’s going to tell him how his stomach still feels unstable.

 

> Do you think you can walk?

 

“I can...” Kyle pulled the covers up more. “But let me sleep more please.”

 

The new kid rolled their eyes as they got up from the bed. The cold transition for the warm covers did make the new kid reconsider, but they had to get up- Wendy was outside. Plus they really needed to use the restroom.

 

“Don’t be out too long,” Kyle requested. “I’ll get up soon.”

 

The new kid smiled as they left the bedroom, closing the door behind them.

 

* * *

 

Wendy, Bebe, and Red were all sitting outside of Kyle’s house’s porch, waiting for the new kid. Because of Kyle’s situation with the vomiting, they decided to plan out what they could do for the remainder of the day. Wendy had found a florist who was still open at this time and bought a small bouquet of several flowers. Bebe had found a small garden in someone’s backyard that they could stroll through, but they had to break into that backyard. Thanks to Red though, she found that the man who tended the garden and who owned the house wasn’t even at the location, so they were free to abuse that shit.

 

“Wait a minute,” Wendy said as she saw the three boys approaching. “Okay Stan what the hell are you doing now?”

 

Stan, Tweek, and Craig were all carrying their own items. Tweek held in his hand a small bouquet identical to Wendy’s. Craig held in his hands a small box of chocolates, wrapped in blue lace and with fancy wrapping paper. Stan held with him a brochure for night-time star gazing. He also made sure that this activity was fun and not gonna result in Cartman shitting his pants, Kenny not dying, and him not jacking-it in San Diego.

 

“What the hell?” Stan asked, confused by what he was seeing. “Wendy what the hell are you at Kyle’s house for?”

 

“You know what?” Wendy said, setting the flowers down. “I give up. We give up.”

 

“Yeah, we give up,” Bebe agreed. “The new kid asked us to help them out for their date today.”

 

“What the hell,” Craig said furiously, “Kyle asked us to help him.”

 

“No fucking way,” Red responder. Then she looked to see that none of the boys were lying. “No fucking way.”

 

“So the new kid asked us and Kyle asked you three,” Wendy said, putting the facts together. “Oh that makes so much more sense.”

 

“Wait a minute,” Bebe thought. “Was it you guys that triggered Kyle’s Mom’s car alarm?”

 

“That was me,” Craig admitted.

 

“Was it you girls that arranged the dances?” Tweek wondered.

 

“Yeah,” Red answered. “We made the new kid and Kyle enjoy their time at the park.”

 

“Wait,” Wendy realized. “You guys made the birds shit everywhere! Stan!”

 

“We needed to get Kyle’s Mom away from the new kid and Kyle,” Stan told them. “We didn’t know the birds would attack people.”

 

“We had to wear plastic bag ponchos so we didn’t get shit on!” Bebe shouted. “You guys are fucking pricks.”

 

“Hey!” Stan said, angry at Bebe’s comment.

 

“Wait!” Tweek shouted, “Stop it everyone! Please!”

 

Everyone stopped arguing with each other and looked at Tweek. “We were asked by both the new kid and Kyle to help them with their date. Do you know what this means?”

 

Everyone shook their heads no.

 

“They both really like each other.”

 

“Ooooh,” everyone else realized.

 

Cupid Me watched above the house and saw the six kids located outside. He hovered over everyone, squealing and chucking as he releasedseveral arrows into the crowd. Everyone, even Tweek was hit by one of Cupid Me’s love arrows.

 

The flying angel then went on to inside of the house, flying though the window. He saw Kyle slumped in his bed with the new kid standing beside the entrance. Cupid Me pulled back his arrows and shot two of them at both the new kid and Kyle.

 

“Tee hee hee! You just need a prick of magic,” Cupid Me then flew out of the window, chuckling away on his way to Eric’s house.

 

“Hey, everyone,” Wendy said, after being struck by Cupid Me’s love arrow. “Tweek’s right. We should be focusing on making this date better for the new kid and Kyle. We shouldn’t be aiming to see who does it better.”

 

“Wendy’s right,” Stan said, walking over to his girlfriend. “We should combine our forces and help the new kid and Kyle tonight.”

 

“Alright,” Wendy said, huddling everyone up into a group circle, “Here’s the plan.”

 

“Hey new kid,” Kyle greeted, stepping out of bed. He still wore the same clothes as earlier, since he just dove into bed after vomiting his stomach out. “I just realized that we still have plans tonight.”

 

 

> Shouldn’t you rest up? I don’t know if you’re fully recovered yet.

 

“I just...” Kyle gulped, “I just want to spend more time with you.”

 

The new kid pushed Kyle forward, urging him to sit on the bed with them.

  

> Kyle, we see each other every day.

 

“I know it’s just...” Kyle thought out everything he was going to say now, “It’s really hard to try to… grow… what’s between us when we have our daily responsibilities.”

 

The new kid looked down on the ground, sighing in agreement. It was completely true. The two had promised to spend time with each other, but really it wasn’t much time together. Really, they had about ten hours of communication and zero hours of hangout- over the course of 168 hours in the week. In fact, Kyle still spent more time with Stan than them and they spent more time with Wendy, Tweek, and Craig than Kyle.

 

“That’s why I really planned out today’s event… but…” Kyle leaned against the new kid’s shoulder. “I really feel like the universe took a shit on me again.”

 

The new kid wrapped their arm around Kyle’s torso.

 

“I don’t think I ever told you new kid,” Kyle started to tear up. “But I liked a girl before. She… she dumped me for Cartman…”

 

The new kid sort of knew about this actually. Wendy had informed the new kid prior that Kyle had liked Heidi Turner, and that she had dumped him for Eric Cartman. This caused a chain of events that eventually caused a 1,000,000 death toll in Canada.

 

“It’s one thing that she dumped me, but for Cartman?” Kyle’s tears began to fall heavier, to the point that the new kid knew their shirt was now dripping wet. “That’s like a new fucking level.”

 

The new kid opened their arms more and embraced the crying red head onto their chest.

 

“I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional,” Kyle admitted, holding the new kid tightly in his embrace. “I’m sorry new kid,” he apologized, but continued crying.

 

The new kid waited for Kyle to stop crying. They waited, and waited, and waited. Really, they wanted to support Kyle as much as they can, but honestly this was so sudden. Sure, they felt a sudden mix of emotion when walking back from the restroom, but apparently Kyle did as well.

 

To an extent, the new kid really wanted Kyle to stop crying. Don’t take this the wrong way but, really Kyle just bursted right now. Maybe it was something with Wendy’s medication.

 

And that’s when it hit them: they completely forgot about Wendy and Bebe and Red outside.

 

The new kid slowly pulled their phone out and checked for the new notifications. Wendy had sent several text messages over, and a selfie.

 

> It turns out Kyle brought backup to the date as well. (Insert selfie of everyone)
> 
> We realized that the six of us can work together to make tonight the best for you and Kyle. Just come downstairs and outside!

 

The new kid tapped Kyle’s shoulder, notifying him that he was still in their arms.

 

“Oh,” Kyle slowly unhooked himself from the new kid. “Sorry new kid, I-“

 

The new kid pushed forward with their head, connecting their own lips with Kyle’s.

 

Kyle was surprised by the sudden action, and actually pulled himself away. But thanks to the devil’s temptation he found himself pushing back against the new kid; readjusting himself so he can comfortable kiss the person in front of him.

  

> Kyle, learn from Heidi. Learn what went wrong and use it to help you now.
> 
> I really like you Kyle, I really do. I really want to see what’s between us, and expand it.
> 
> We don’t connect on several aspects, but that’s why we have conversations in life. You know, a conversation is the most important non-physical took a human can have.

 

Kyle slowly parted his lips away from the new kid, focusing on the event that just happened. His mind had calmed down about his failures, and his body no longer aimed to reject him.

 

“Thank you, new kid.”

 

* * *

 

“You ready new kid?” Human Kite asked as he strapped onto Butthole’s back.

 

The young group of superheroes, consisting of Human Kite, Butthole, Toolshed, and Call Girl were all standing beside an overpass by the mountains leading out of South Park. They were at a point they can see the entire town, able to see everything from the faces of South Park citizens to the mere paper balls thrown in the trash can. Sure, they were miles and miles away from the city, but thanks to the night time weather and lights everything was still somewhat clear.

 

“Ok, let’s do this!” Butthole started moving, and started to pick up the pace more as he approached the ledge.

 

Toolshed and Call Girl pulled a rope, creating a temporary ramp of a wood board to pull up.

 

“Prepare for take off!” Human Kite yelled.

 

Butthole focused their core energy in their butt, and charged the energy as they were at the base of the wooden board. They ran up the ramp and jumped off the ledge, using a powerful fart to propel them into the sky.

 

“Woah,” Human Kite pulled his kite flat against the night skies of South Park. “This is... beautiful.”

 

The two heroes were now soaring in the skies. They had successfully Fart-kour’ed into the skies above South Park, flying from east to west across the small mountain town.

 

“We did it!” Toolshed cheered, watching the heroes in the skies fly higher and higher into the clouds.

 

“How are they flying up though?” Call Girl asked. “I thought they can only glide?”

 

“Bebe and Red went to Freeman’s Tacos and got this thing called a bean triple beef chimichanga.” Toolshed watched as the heroes disappeared into the clouds above them. “I didn’t even know chimichangas were considered real Mexican food.”

 

“They aren’t Stan,” Wendy told him. “They probably crafted it there.”

 

“Right,” Stan said in confirmation. “Are you sure they’ll be okay?”

 

“They should be,” Wendy said, flipping her phone out to call an Uber. “Tweek and Craig are at Stark’s Pond waiting for them.”

 

Tweek and Craig stood at Stark’s Pond, where they had cleared a long stretch of land for the landing strip. A long sled was placed against a cleared area of snow and debris, the strip of course being illuminated by bright lights.

 

“Do you see them?” Tweek asked. Craig looked into his telescope, aiming it into the clouds.

 

“I see them!” Craig said, zooming out. “They’re in the air.”

 

* * *

 

Eric stood alone above the hill, located at the PC frat house. He had a remote in his hand, and a series of machinery in his hands.

 

“Hehehe,” Cupid Me teased, “This plan won’t work at all.”

 

“Yes it will Cupid Me!” Eric turned to his plan, “I’m going to send fireworks into the sky to show my love.”

 

“But Eric,” Cupid Me told him. “Kyle isn’t even home. He’s not gonna see this!”

 

“These series of fireworks can be seen throughout South Park!” Eric told him. “Ready?”

 

“Fine,” Cupid Me flew nearby to Eric’s shoulder.

 

“Fire!”

 

* * *

 

“Hey New kid,” Kyle said, focusing on his kite. “Doesn’t South Park look amazing at night?”

 

The new kid smiled, looking down at the town from this height. The air was somewhat getting harder to breathe, and their stomach was clenching in for dear life as they continuously propelled air behind them.

 

“What the hell is that?” Kyle asked, looking down.

 

The new kid looked down and saw a bright orange streak from below.

 

“Oh shit!” Kyle realized. “It’s a firework!”

 

The new kid panicked and farted more, propelling them up. Kyle rotated the kite back, allowing them to descend by lift. The firework exploded below them, not hitting them or Kyle’s flammable kite behind them.

 

“We need to get down quick!” Kyle shouted. “Look out!”

 

“Jesus Christ!” Tweek shouted to Craig. “They’re going to die!”

 

The two boys watched as the new kid and Kyle flew up and down above and below exploding fireworks. It was like they were watching a game of flappy bird but instead of a sideways platform it was actually coming towards them.

 

“I’m calling Wendy!” Tweek shouted. “She needs to find the source of this!”

 

As Tweek waited for the phone to ring, they continued watching the exploding fireworks burst into the skies.

 

“Wendy?” Tweek asked. “WENDY!”

 

“What the hell is going on?” Wendy shouted. “Who’s launching fireworks at this time?”

 

“Craig?” Tweek asked. “Can you see where it’s coming from?”

 

“I think it’s from the South side of town?” Craig said, aiming at the fireworks. “They’re coming from one location.”

 

“Thanks Craig and Tweek,” Wendy hung up. “Stan, we need to go-“

 

* * *

 

Eric laid down on the hill with Cupid Me, watching the fireworks explode slowly into the sky. The fireworks launched in singles initially, but after three fireworks the machine started the algorithm and now was consecutively launching them into the sky.

 

“Isn’t this beautiful Cupid Me?” Eric asked. “That’s a heart that exploded.”

 

“Hehehe!” Cupid Me squealed. “That’s pretty cool.”

 

Eric continued watching the series of fireworks, watching them explode in the sky. Eventually, some of them had small explosions of gas in the sky, as if something burned up. “Hey Cupid Me,” he asked. “Why is there gas flaming up?”

 

“Maybe it’s green house gases?” Cupid me thought.

 

“Methane burns up like that- and that’s a green house gas.” Eric started to put the pieces together. “Methane comes from smelly gases like manure, like... farts... wait a minute.”

 

Eric looked into a pair of binoculars and scanned the skies.

 

“HOLY SHIT!” Eric shouted. “KYLE’S IN THE SKY WITH THE NEW KID!”

 

 

 

“JESUS CHRIST! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FIREWORKS!” Kyle screamed into the sky, adjusting his kite against the wind currents. Currently, he and the new kid were flying for their lives, as some crazy person decided that tonight would be a good night to ignite fireworks. “ARE YOU OKAY NEW KID?”

 

The new kid was extremely tired of farting. They kept farting up and down, time fart rewinding, and pausing just so they can get through the series of fireworks safely.

 

“LOOK!” Kyle screamed, “IT’S STARK’S POND!”

 

Stark’s Pond was two hundred or so feet below them. They were clearly overshooting their destination point, but fireworks were still firing towards the sky.

 

The new kid tugged on Kyle’s leg, and Kyle tiled the kite forward. They were now making their descent, approaching the ground below at a fast speed.

 

“They’re over shooting!” Craig announced. “They’re gonna land in the forest!”

 

“Oh no!” Tweek screamed, “they’re gonna die!”

 

“Tweek,” Craig told him. “They’re not gonna die.”

 

 

 

“Come on, come on!” Eric shouted, pressing the buttons on the remote. “Why isn’t this thing stopping?”

 

“What’s wrong Eric?” Cupid Me asked. “I thought you wanted to show your love of Kyle?”

 

“Cupid Me,” Eric addressed, “The new kid is up there with Kyle! They’re going to die!”

 

“I thought that was what you wanted this whole time,” Cupid Me admitted.

 

“Cupid Me,” Eric turned to the angel next to him. “How could you?”

 

“You knew it all along Eric,” Cupid Me told him. “You were the one that poisoned the new kid’s food. You were the one that sent Sheila and cousin Kyle to the park. You knew Eric. You knew.”

 

“Fuck you Cupid Me!” Eric shouted.

 

“Hey, I didn’t fuck you.” Cupid Me started disappearing, “You fucked yourself over.”

 

Cupid Me was now gone from existence.

 

“Shit!” Eric shouted.

 

 

“Eric what the hell?!?!”

 

Eric turned around to see Call Girl and Toolshed standing behind him.

 

“Why are you trying to blow up Kyle and the new kid?” Call Girl asked, pushing Eric away from the machine.

 

“What the hell Wendy?” Eric shouted, holding the remote in his hand. “I’m trying to stop this!”

 

“Move it!” Call Girl used her selfie stick and smacked the remote out of Eric’s hand onto the floor. She slammed both sticks repetitively on the ground, breaking the remote more and more.

 

Toolshed used his attacks and started aiming at the machine. Using his screw drivers, he was able to break apart a panel off the machine. He then dug his drill into the ground, blasting a giant drill out of the ground and straight at the machine.

 

The machine stopped functioning, and the fireworks were no longer releasing into the sky.

 

 

 

“The fireworks are gone!” Tweek shouted. “They can land safely!”

 

 

 

 

Butthole and Human Kite were now descending too fast towards the ground. It turns out, their descent was too steep and now they were almost straight plummeting towards the ground. At least they were back on course.

 

“WE’RE GOING DOWN TOO FAST!” Human Kite shouted towards Butthole. “WE NEED TO BOOST UP!”

 

Butthole focused their energy and started to fart against the gravity of them falling. It did reduce their speed somewhat, but it was not strong enough to stop them completely.

 

“WE’RE STILL FALLING!” Human Kite screamed, as they continued their descent down.

 

And suddenly, they were starting to slow down.

 

Human Kite sought this opportunity and readjusted his kite. Within moments, they were able to glide safely down towards the ground. They didn’t actually know how, but somehow Buttlord was able to create enough fart power to launch them into the air.

 

* * *

 

“They’re landing!” Tweek announced. “Prepare for landing!”

 

Craig ran from his telescope, as they were now approaching the ground, and stood at the other side of the landing pad from Tweek. The two boys turned on giant flash lights, allowing them to see the road that they had for soft landing.

 

The two heroes were now only twenty to thirty feet off the ground and were gliding towards the sleigh. Once they got close, Buttlord created a large fart that boosted them once more into the air, preventing them from crashing on to the sleigh. Tweek and Craig pulled the sleigh up in time as well, allowing Buttlord and Human Kite to safely land on the moving platform. Their momentum in the end caused the sleigh to move forward thus reducing their landing force.

 

“We... we did it,” Human Kite was laying on his back against the wooden sleigh. “New kid... Butthole... we did it.”

 

The two kids raised their arms together in the air, but were way to tired to cheer on.

 

“That was amazing!” Tweek greeted them. “You guys flew across South Park!”

 

“We still don’t know where those fireworks came from,” Craig told them. “We’ll find out soon enough.”

 

“Hey... new kid,” Human Kite was still too tired to sit up. “How did we create enough force earlier? We were at free fall weren’t we?”

 

Human Kite realized that now there were two arms tugging at his sleeve. In opposite directions. He turned his head backwards, and realized that there was a younger version of the new kid behind him.

 

“I forget you can summon a second version of yourself,” Human Kite said, smiling at the night sky.

 

 

 

 

“This was the best day ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some quick notes for this chapter: 1) This chapter was sort of (literally and plot wise) all over the place. Secondly, I couldn't think of a meme that's not dead for what Craig said earlier. See, memes are sort of... internet only at this point. The most recent physical-action meme would really be that one meme where it's some guy that's blowing a trumpet at a girl, and people just photoshop and animate the shit out of that. But that's already dead, and like I said- we need memes that aren't dead yet- Pewdiepie please don't clap anymore you're already killing too many memes on your meme reviews.
> 
> And yes I just admitted that I'm a pewdiepie fan. And yes I do see that I could of put dabbing instead of gay pondering but really, it's a one-liner and it's not relevant anymore.
> 
> Okay, so actually going back to this story now- and not going tangent, this sort of is really the first New Kid x Kyle moment of this season, and I'm glad I wrote it. Really, this was the episode I really wasn't unsure how to write. And if you noticed, it sort of ended abruptly because I wrote this chapter on my car ride back from San Diego. I got a headache (because who writes fan fiction in a car while having motion sickness) and shit, so I just played the second butthole card. 
> 
> Also, Eric will have future character development, and yes everything will make sense. Just... wait. Really, episode 6 and 7 should be out by the end of June, because 1) I have finals and 2) I have a research thing in New York (wow I travel way too much for my fucking life) so I actually won't be able to post. I really do apologize about the fact that season one had weekly uploads and season two is so scattered. Everything is just falling to shit for me this year, and truth be told I'm working on a trillion other projects as well. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this story though. It means a lot to me when I see people comment that they liked this episode, or that they just left a kudos or actually corrected me. 
> 
> Which leaves me to this: I'm actually opening my tumblr for asks for South Park related things, as well as psychological counseling. That's right- if you want an anonymous person to communicate your feelings, your life, your traumas, anything really. Message me on Tumblr @Negira1239sp. I will respond back with advice, cute animal pictures, and support for anything that you ask me. Now, I may not be 100% supportive, or 100% sure because I may not have been in a position similar to what you're currently in, but I can offer you this: I had a temporary license to counsel those who were depressed or suicidal, and so far I helped 19 people not commit suicide. I'm also a psych major and doing a lot of research and traveling to listen to professors, experts, and others about cognitive and social psychology. Plus, I'm pretty fucked up already so... yeah. If you'd want a person to talk to, hit me up. 
> 
> Note: I'm speaking off my personal experience and recommendation, but you don't have to follow through with what I tell you. I just want to help others, because really- we use fan fiction to give ourselves the positive reality that we want. You don't have to do any of this- I just want to talk to those that want to have the conversation. Thank you!
> 
>  
> 
> Now that I got that out of the way, one more thing to address: episode 6 is about Michael and Mike, and I'm actually leaving a warning for this one. It may contain sensitive material to those that may not feel comfortable talking about it (because no spoilers), so yeah... have caution. And stuff. 
> 
> Thank you guys, gals, and non-binary pals!  
> -Negira


	6. *Original Recipe*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike finds out he and Michael are half brothers. Eric finds out about the potential vegetarian KFC. And the LGBT organization now breaks up fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry for not uploading this sooner. This chapter is about 9,600 words long so enjoy this longer chapter. I think this is my “smartest” chapter in terms of plot and philosophy, and I worked really hard on all of the research and things going on inside. Thank you for reading, and enjoy!
> 
> Also, this is a mobile upload that I’m trying to create at a Starbucks in the Philadelphia airport. Please help me fix errors if found.
> 
> -Negira, @Negira1239 on tumblr

* * *

Michael and Mike were both standing at the shore of Stark’s Pond. It had become their favorite destination to stand and talk. The vampire kids always met at the community center due to the insanely large amount, and the goth kids were always in Henrietta’s house or behind the cafeteria entrance at school. Stark’s Pond quickly became a good middle ground, and it had a pretty amazing view at times.

 

The Goth kids were quick to allow Michael to hang out with Mike like that. After all, Michael told them all that Mike was indeed his half brother and that the pain that he received from his mother was ultimately made him goth.

 

The vampire kids were hesitant first. Michael and the goth kids were the one to burn down their Hot Topic, and they ruined Mike’s birthday party. But Mike was quick to refute that, as it was the goth kids that killed the emo epidemic. And it was because of them that they kept vampires and goths separate. Plus, they never seen Mike happier than ever, so they allowed Mike to hang out with Michael.

 

The only problem between them was Mike.

 

“Hey Michael,” Mike asked.

 

“What?” Michael asked back, huffing on his cigarette.

 

Mike was starting to have a crush on Michael.

 

“Oh,” he said blatantly. “It’s nothing.”

 

This crush actually dates back to a few days ago when Michael was talking to Mike on the roof of the school. After Michael talked to him, telling him that fairy tails are meant more as aspiration pieces than just fictional bullshit, Mike simply... couldn’t stop thinking about him.

 

And he had good reason to. Michael was the topic of every other conversation Mike and his mother argue about. Michael was the only other dark person in his grade that he could talk personal things with. And not to mention, Michael admitted a secret that he swore, only told a few people about. His crush for a guy named Raven.

 

“You have that face on you,” Michael said, puffing his cigarette once more. “You’re fucking lying to me.”

 

“Fine,” Mike whined. “I wanted to ask you something. Something... a bit personal.”

 

Michael rolled his eyes. He knew what Mike was going to ask, and really, he didn’t want to answer it. Michael remembered a few days ago when he finally told Mike that he liked a guy named Raven. And now, that had been on his mind. “What?” He asked, his voice exaggerated.

 

“Was Raven a goth kid?” Mike asked. “Or was he vampire? Emo?”

 

“Oh god,” Michael sighed. “That’s all you ask about huh?”

 

“Well I’m sorry,” Mike sarcastically said. “You just admitted that you liked a guy like it was nothing, and meanwhile I never heard of this guy. Raven. He sounds like an Edgar Allen Poe type of guy.”

 

“He was,” Michael cracked a smile. “And he wasn’t a faggy emo kid.”

 

“Was he vamp?” Mike asked.

 

“No.” Michael continued looking upon the shore of the pond in front of him. “He’s not anything anymore.”

 

“Oh?” Mike said, now standing next to Michael. “Did he return to being a mortal?”

 

“Is that what you call it?” Michael asked. “He just likes everything in the world and shit.”

 

“Sounds to me you really liked this guy,” Mike told him.

 

Michael’s small smile turned into a frown. “I did... didn’t I?”

 

There was a brief pause between the two boys. The winds blowing around the area picked up, creating sounds of whistles from the trees behind them. The sun was starting to set as well, marking it almost time for them to go home.

 

“Hey Michael,” Mike said in a low voice. “I... I really like this one g-person.”

 

Michael raised his brow, realizing that Mike is opening up to him. “Is that person cisgender or what?”

 

“No... he’s cis...” Mike confirmed. “I just started talking to him recently... and every day I like finding out more about him.”

 

Michael looked around, looking at the bristle of branches from trees against the impacting rays of sun. The trees around here were getting older and preparing for the incoming summer. Their leaves were becoming green, despite the fact that there’s snow everywhere.

 

“Does he notice anything?” Michael asked.

 

“Nah.” Mike told him, “He’s not... exactly open to guys.”

 

“Ah,” Michael placed the cigarette in his mouth, and blew the smoke out. “Is this guy cute? Or good looking?”

 

“I would say yes,” Mike turned his head and noticed how close he was to Michael. He could see how white Michael’s skin was; the black curls of his hair stood out more than his own clothes.

 

“Then I would go for it,” Michael told him. “It’s better to be straight up and not be a pussy.”

 

“Okay then,” Mike took a deep breath. “Hey Michael?”

 

Michael turned his head slightly to the right, turning his attention to the boy on the right. The next thing he knew, Mike was two inches away from his face.

 

Mike moved his head in, planting his lips upon the cold lips of Michael. His mind went crazy upon the physical contact; filling his heart and head with little jitters that made him want to rethink everything. The kiss lasted only a second, as Michael leaned out immediately.

 

“What the fuck?” Michael yelled.

 

“Michael?” Mike asked in a higher pitches voice. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I... I can’t do this!” Michael told him. “This is wrong!”

 

“This isn’t wrong,” Mike told him. “I thought you got over Raven.”

 

“Raven wasn’t what I was talking about!” Michael turned around and scratched his hair with his finger nails. “No no no, oh my god.”

 

“I don’t understand...” Mike said; still confused, but mostly hurt. “I... do you hate me?”

 

“Oh my god that was fucking gross,” Michael said out loud, spitting his saliva and wiping his lips with his shirt sleeve. Each action shot Mike’s heart, shattering it slowly after each time.

 

“I...” Mike turned around and started walking.

 

Michael was still in panic, but heard the snow

rustling behind him. “Wait-“ he turned around and saw Mike running. “Wait Michael! Wait!”

 

It was too late. Mike had sprinted off back to his world. Back to his own house. Back to his own... space. Michael watched as the tall skinny figure in black turned into a mere distant object as the sunset turned into night.

 

“Fuck!”

 

* * *

 

Eric Cartman sat alone at his desk in his room. In front of him was his computer and an Amazon Echo.

 

“Hey Alexa,” he called. “Add titty bitties to my shopping list.”

 

The machine flared up with its blue ring, and announced, “I had added titty bitties on your shopping list.”

 

Eric cracked open a smile as he continued to type into his computer. His iPhone rang beside him, and so he picked it up.

 

“Have you see the news?” The voice asked.

 

“Shut up Billy,” Eric said. “They haven’t even constructed the building yet.”

 

“No! Not that!” Billy Miller exclaimed. “Turn the TV on!”

 

“Who watches TV now?” Eric asked as he got up from his chair. He shuffled down stairs and towards the living room. He sat upon the couch as he turned the television on.

 

“Breaking news!” The news reporter exclaimed. “Kentucky Fried Chicken is now serving. vegetarian??”

 

“What. The. Fuck?” Eric asked out loud.

 

“In a recent announcement, KFC has announced that it will try to serve vegetarian fried chicken!”

 

“Oh my god,” Eric spoke into the phone.

 

“You see Eric?” Billy warmed him. “The colonel is going insane!”

 

“We have to get some of this stuff,” Eric said to him. “We need to see if this is revolutionary.”

 

“You don’t understand Eric!” Billy said. “This is being tested in England! We can’t just drop everything and go.”

 

“We have to go Billy!” Eric said as he started throwing his clothes into an available suitcase. “This could be the end of KFC as we know it.”

 

“Ugh,” Billy grunted. “You’re buying the fucking flight tickets and shit then.”

 

“Whatever. Just meet me at my house in thirty.”

 

* * *

 

The next day at school, there were a lot of kids crowding in the hallways. Specifically, the vampire kids. The hallway was completely packed- vampire kids stood next to each other as they argued towards the three other kids at the other side.

 

The goth kids, Henrietta, Frickle, and Pete stood at the front of the crowd. The three of them stood hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, as they argued back and forth between the vampire kids.

 

“This is your fault!” one of the vampire kids yelled, “You guys made Mike leave the vampire club so he can ‘hang’ out with Michael!”

 

“For the last time you fucking vampire posers,” Henrietta yelled back, “We didn’t do jack shit with Mike! That’s his own fucking fault!”

 

“How dare you speak of him like that!” a vampire girl hissed, “Mike is our vampire club leader! He wouldn’t dare do such a thing!”

 

“Ugg,” Pete wiped off the small amount of spit on his arm. “You fucking spitted on me when you did that.”

 

“Mike is an intelligent sanguinarian vampire!” one of the taller vampire kids yelled. “It’s your guys’s fucking fault he left us!”

 

“Fuck you,” Frickle yelled back, “you fucking conformists.”

 

“Yeah,” Pete agreed. “It’s your guys’s fault actually. Michael tells us everything that happens.”

 

“Are you implying something?” one of the vampire kids asked.

 

“We’re calling you out for being horrible friends,” Henrietta yelled. “What? You can’t fucking talk back with those plastic fangs in your fucking mouth?”

 

“Hey,” one vampire kid said, clearly offended by what Henrietta said. “We’re... not bad friends...”

 

“Shut up!” The other vampire kid yelled. “You guys are worse for letting Michael this shit to Mike!”

 

“No we’re not,” Frickle said.

 

“Yes you are,” a kindergartener vampire kid said back.

 

“Fuck this,” Pete said, turning to both Henrietta and Frickle. “We have more important shit to do.”

 

“What?” One of the vampire kids asked, “Are you guys gonna ditch school and fucking smoke outside like the pieces of shit you are?”

 

“Actually, poser,” Pete turned around, and walked towards that vampire kid. “We’re gonna smoke outside because unlike you little dweebs, we’re more dark,” he lifted his hand, counting with his fingers, “we’re not the ducking faggots you guys are, and most importantly,” he stuck his middle finger out, “we’re not bad friends.”

 

“Fuck you!” The same vampire raised his hands and sent a punch straight to Pete’s jawline.

 

The goth kids then took a step back, preparing themselves for battle. The three of them knew of the whole situation- Michael had told them before. Right now, they were maintaining the mayhem as the new kid and Kyle attempt to resolve this.

 

* * *

 

Eric Cartman woke up the next morning with his neck hardened and his headhurting. He adjusted his position, resting his elbow against the window still.

 

Eric was now six hour into his flight towards London. His plane was expected to land in about five hours, landing in the somewhat famous Gatwick Airport near Brighton. Eric adjusted his earphones and continued to his favorite music playlist on offline Spotify. He looked around the cabin, observing the other passengers on board.

 

There were families, babies, business men, and other kids slewed across the airplane.Everyone was quiet and/or asleep at this point in the flight, as the cabin lights had dimmed to the lowest setting. The ceiling presented a resilient purple color, the bottom on the floor faintly growing a similar green. Eric peeked around his economy seat area and stood up. He was able to nudge through the other passenger and made it to the laboratory. A nearby flight attendant peeked over the side from the small break room at Eric. Eric made a small hand symbol with his left hand, and the flight attendant directed him towards the back of the plane.

 

“Well well.” the voice called. “It’s about time.”

 

“Shut up Billy.” Eric took his black jacket off and hung it on the jacket hanger. The room was really small, due to it being in the back of a jumbo plane. Nevertheless, the room was optimally used to replicate a crime boss’s office. The desk was at the very back of the place with Billy at the chair. At his side were two other kids that Eric had never seen before.

 

“Why did you drag me out here Eric?” Billy asked. “I could of been left home- safe in home territory.”

 

“Because I need you to help me convince the colonel.” Eric walked over to the desk and slammed a sheet of paper on the desk. “It says at the headquarters in Lancashire that they’re using original herbs and spices in their chicken that’ll be the main basis of their vegetarian chicken- do you know what that means?”

 

“No Eric,” Billy blatantly said. “I don’t know what the fuck that means.”

 

“It means, Billy.” Eric turned around, looking away at Billy and towards the exit. “Everyone is striving towards vegetarian. And you know what eventually happens to vegetarians.”

 

“What happens?” Billy asked.

 

“They become vegan.” *Cue dramatic music* Everyone gasped. “And do you know what comes after becoming vegan?”

 

“W-what happens after being vegan?” Billy asked.

 

Eric turned to Billy and grabbed the sheet of paper he slammed on the table. “They become… soy boys.”

 

One of the body guards around Billy passed out on the floor while the other one simply shook. “A soy boy?” Billy asked. “Jesus fucking christ they’re horrible. Okay okay you’ve yourself a deal.”

 

Eric turned towards the exit as he rolled up and placed away that sheet of paper. “I’ll see you when we land.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid walked into their office in the LGBT center holding a stack of papers in a manilla folder. Inside the office sat Kyle in an office chair, scrolling through another file in his hands. And in the other seat, sat Mike.

 

Mike had his arms crossed on his lap. His legs dangled from the high chair that he sat upon. His fingers, sticking out of the cut holes in his gloves, continuously tapped against the other hand’s. Mike was extremely nervous being here. After the events of the day before, he was very afraid of being outside of his home. His heart was torn out of his body, his mind has escaped his body, and now his soul was being tortured at this moment.

 

“The new kid’s here.” Kyle closed the manilla folder and turned to Mike. “Are you ready Mike?”

 

“I...” Mike was still shaken from the events of yesterday. Michael had suddenly told him to fuck off after kissing him. “I don’t know.”

 

“We were already told what happened,” Kyle said, patting Mike’s back. “We... wanted to show you something.”

 

“What is it?” Mike asked. “Is it how much of a failure I am?”

 

“No Mike,” Kyle turned and nodded to the new kid. “Remember... a while ago we made you spit into a tube?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Mike asked. “Am I genetically imperfect?”

 

“No,” Kyle said as the new kid handed Mike a Manila folder. “We... made you take a DNA test.”

 

Mike scrolled through the numerous papers of results, describing to him how mixed he was. He had some percentage Caucasian and some percentage as northern British and some as some other area of the world.

 

“And we... Also made Michael take a DNA test.” Kyle handed the Manila folder he was holding to Mike. He accepted it, rotating it to be opened properly.

 

“Oh my god...” Mike said as he skimmed the page. “Is... no.”

 

“Yes,” Kyle assured him. “We... we hid this secret from you for a while now, and we had our reasons.”

 

“Michael is my half brother,” Mike said out loud.

 

“Michael requested us to hide this from you until the time was right,” Kyle said. “He told us that now would be a good time. We’re sorry.”

 

“Sorry?” Mike asked. “You’re fucking sorry?” He restated, his voice raised higher. “You hid this fucking secret from me and it caused me to kiss Michael!”

 

“How were we supposed to know?” Kyle told him back. “You never told us you had feelings for Michael- or for anyone!”

 

“GAHHH! I’m such an idiot!” Mike shouted. “Fuck fuck fuck!”

 

“We’re sorry Mike,” Kyle said once more. “We... we really are.”

 

Mike slumped in his chair, crying into a box of tissues the new kid offered. He continued crying, knowing that now, nothing will ever be the same as before.

 

* * *

 

Henrietta, Pete, and Frickle were all back to back, standing in a circle as they defended themselves from the vampire kids. They had been fighting for over ten minutes, sending fire attacks, Satanic prayers, and demons onto the attack vampire kids, but they kept coming.

 

“There’s too many of them,” Frickle said as he puffed cigarette fire smoke onto a row of vampire kids. “We can’t hold out any longer.”

 

“We have to!” Henrietta said as she swirled her cigarette holding stick around in the air. Two red pentagrams in circles appeared over herself and Frickle, proving them a boost of energy and health. “We can’t fucking leave with them in our way.”

 

“Haha!” a vampire laughed. “It looks like you’re done for!” He lifted his hand proudly into the air and summoned a series of bats. The bats flew up into the air and attacked Henrietta. She braced herself, allowing herself to be engulfed by the bats.

 

“Not quite you fucker.” Pete blew on his cigarette, and blew smoke a circle. The circle spread towards a small group of vampire kids, and engulfed in flames as soon as it made contact. The attack ended up harming three vampire kids, making them pass out on the ground.

 

“Hey!” Wendy ran out to the center, holding her arms out horizontally. “Everyone stop attacking each other! What the hell is going on?”

 

Craig and Tweek, remaining silent, also ran towards the middle of the stand off.

 

“These Goth kids are attacking us,” the vampire kid said. “They’re just angry because Michael isn’t hanging out with them anymore.”

 

“That’s not true!” Henrietta shouted. “He’s busy right now.”

 

“Sure he is,” the vampire kid said in sarcasm.

 

“Stop it!” Wendy shouted. “Michael and Mike are having conflicts with each other and so the LGBT Organization are taking them both in until the conflict is over.”

 

“Wait a minute!” another vampire kid shouted. “You can’t do that! He’s our leader!”

 

“And we can’t approve club stuff without him,” another kid shouted from the back.

 

“Too bad,” Wendy clarified. “Michael and Mike are both LGBT members, and by the school rules- and our organization rules- we can exempt both Michael and Mike from their daily activities.”

 

“Bullshit,” a vampire kid said. I bet you guys are teamed up with the Goth Kids and are gonna kick our asses.”

 

“No,” Craig told him. “We’re only gonna kick your ass.”

 

“Craig!” Tweek shouted, smacking his shoulder. “Don’t say stuff like that man.”

 

“Get out of the way!” A vampire kid from the second row shouted. “We’re going to finish off these goth kids.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Wendy injected. “Tweek, now!”

 

Craig and Tweek looked at each other and agreed. They were going to execute Eros Eruption. Tweek let out his right hand, and Craig grasped for it with his right.

 

A light Japanese string instrument of some sort could be heard in the background, followed by a bang of several taiko drums. The scene changes and the two are now anime-ized and speaking Japanese.

 

Tweek spoke first, “今だょ。君のカを僕にさょうだい...” (It’s time. Please lend me your power...)

 

Craig then followed, “ああ。ふたりでー緒たイこう!” (Alright! Let’s go together!*)

 

They then leaned close to each other. Both of their faces were inches away from each other. They both chanted, “溢れ出した愛はーつとなり世界を満たす!” (We’ll fill this world with our overflowing, combined love!) The two boys, for a flash of a second, joined hands and were both flashed naked with only their underpants on.

 

The cut scene ended and the two boys were both floating in mid air with joined hands. A bright pink smoke with pink flowers infested the room as “Let’s fighting love” played in the back ground. The pink smoke cleared up immediately as soon as they floated back to the ground.

 

The vampire kids in front were all down for the count whilst the ones nearing the back end had developed a confusion status effect.

 

“Wow,” Tweek said, viewing over the amount of vampire kids they took out just by zeros Eruption. “I didn’t realize the power of two boys in action would do so much.”

 

Craig, turning towards Wendy, stated, “That’s what he said.”

 

* * *

 

Michael was now waiting in the LGBT Center lobby. He had just been informed that the Goth Kids were now fighting the vampire kids through Coonstagram. And now he was feeling angsty.

 

Deep inside, he felt bad for his friends; they were completely okay with him hanging out Mike- a sworn enemy between them- when he told them the truth. He was happy that he made such a good group of friends, but at the same time, it was making him sad.

 

He knew that the vampire kids had attacked his friends, and that Wendy, Tweek, and Craig were all able to stop the fight. He was glad that Karen wasn’t a part of this, because he didn’t want to deal with Kenny- or anyone in fact. Right now, he just wanted to resolve the tension between him and Michael.

 

Michael heard the door click and open as the sounds echoed across the hall. At the sound, he instantly stood up, and started pursing towards the open hallway. The first to come out was Kyle, then the new kid. And finally, Mike.

 

“Mike,” he said softly. “I’m so sor-“

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mike asked. “Why didn’t you tell me that we were half brothers?”

 

Michael stood still, frozen in space as his brain was trying to reason with the entity in front of him. “Because... because of your mom and-“

 

“My mom is your fucking mom!” Mike shouted. “How does that not surprise you?”

 

“Your mom isn’t my mom,” Michael started. “She fucking hates me.”

 

“I can see why,” Mike said calmly. “She hates liars.”

 

Mike then pursued to the door and left the center, leaving everyone speechless.

 

Michael sighed. “I guess I have to talk to his mom about this. Any advice?”

 

> Offer her a peace offering?

 

“Maybe bring a flower?” Kyle asked.

 

“Welp. I guess I’m royally fucked.”

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Henrietta, Frickle, and Pete day beside each other outside at the loading dock of the school. The three of them were smoking cigarettes once again, and this time, a newcomer had approached.

 

“Hey Karen,” Henrietta greeted. “Wanna take a seat?”

 

Karen had changed from her vampire outfit to one that looked similar to the emo kid’s. Her hair was back to its natural color, and her clothes were less stylish and more black and plain. “Okay. My big brother was busy this morning so I have no one to talk to.”

 

Karen sat at the ledge beside Henrietta, and dangled her legs alongside.

 

“Aren’t you Kenny’s little sister?” Trickle asked.

 

“Yup! You know my big brother?” Karen asked.

 

“Umm...” Frickle decided not to bring up the time he almost stabbed Mysterion. “Yeah. It’s nothing.”

 

“So,” Pete blew smoke from his cigarette. “Do you smoke?”

 

“I don’t want to smoke because drunk mommy and daddy might beat me at home,” Karen shared. “But it is fun!”

 

“Oh...” Pete decided to blow his smoke away from Karen from that point on.

 

“Where’s Michael?” Karen asked. “Isn’t he usually here with you guys?”

 

“Michael is dealing with LGBT shit,” Henrietta informed her. “He’s gonna come later.”

 

“Oh.” Karen brought out her notebook. “Do you guys want to hear some of my poems?”

 

“Sure,” Pete scoffed. “Beats doing nothing.”

 

As Karen adjusted her notebook, the four of them heard the sound of footsteps approach the door behind them. The door opened up, revealing two vampire kids.

 

“See,” the vampire boy pointed. “Karen’s goth now.”

 

“Eww,” the vampire girl wailed. “Michael got to her too!”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Pete asked. “Michael didn’t get to her at all. He wasn’t even fucking there.”

 

The vampire boy turned to the girl, “Ignore him. The stupid goth kids aren’t worth talking to.”

 

“Shut the fuck up you vampire piece of shit.” Henrietta sat up, pointing her cigarette to the two kids. “You two douchebags aren’t worth shit either.”

 

“Says you, we’re hybrid psy and sanguinarian vampires. We’re the hot shit.” The girl vampire walked forward, and said, “And unlike you goth freaks, we actually matter to the world.”

 

Pete rolled his eyes. “Oh god, they’re so petty.”

 

“And you,” the vampire girl walked towards Karen and shoved her back a step. “You are now a sworn vampire enemy. What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

“Oh god,” Karen scoffed. “I can’t believe I was one of them.”

 

The three goth kids laughed to the joke.

 

“Fuck you!” The girl vampire pushed Karen once again, this time over the dock edge. Karen screamed as she fell over backwards, landing directly on Frickle.

 

“What the fuck was that for?” Henrietta yelled at the top of her lungs. “That was so uncalled for!”

 

“She fucking betrayed us!” The vampire girl yelled. “She deserves that for being goth trash.”

 

Henrietta blew smoke from her lungs towards the two vampire kids. She snapped her fingers, the smoke igniting into flames around them. “Better than being Vampire cunts.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid was in complete panic.

 

Mike had run off after seeing Michael. Michael has run off after Mike rejected his apology. Karen was bullied by the vampire kids. And now, Kenny was up their ass with questions.

 

“Why the fuck are the vampires beating up my sister?” Kenny asked Kyle and the new kid.”

 

“Dude,” Kyle justified. “We were here the whole time. We don’t know.” Secretly, they all knew about the vampire and goth war. But instead of spreading the fact that Mike and Michael are half siblings, they decided to keep that a secret- even from Kenny. The new kid shrugged as well.

 

“Ugh, this fucking sucks!” Kenny shouted. “The one time I allowed my sister to sit with the Goth Kids, the fucking vampire kids had to bully her!”

 

> They’re still mad at us Kenny for ruining Mike’s birthday party.

 

“Wait,” Kyle asked. “There was a birthday party?”

 

Kenny and the new kid rolled their eyes.

 

“Wait- was this at Casa Bonita?”

 

Kenny and the new kid rolled their eyes.

 

“What the fuck!” Kyle shouted out loud. He hated how he was late to the group and how he’s always the last time to find out.

 

“You better fix this new kid,” Kenny threatened. “I know you and the LGBT center are in the midst of this. Please. I don’t care what you do- just don’t hurt my little sister!”

 

Kenny turned around and left the office.

 

“What’s his problem?” Kyle asked.

 

> Butters wanted them to remain friends.

 

* * *

 

Eric and Billy Turner, along with his two bodyguards, got out of the black taxi as they approached the headquarters.

 

The four of them had arrived to the first European headquarters of KFC located in Lancashire. They walked through the front entrance, meeting a receptionist in the front.

 

“Ello’ gov’nor,” the receptionist greeted. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

Eric step forward. “We wanted to speak to the man in charge of this establishment,” he brought out a sheet of paper. “We have an appointment.”

 

“Certainly,” the receptionist said as they accepted the paper. They typed a few characters into the screen, monitoring on the new tabs and windows popping up. “It says here that he’s in his office. You can see him now.”

 

The four boys were guided by a security guard to a series of elevators and hallways. Eventually, the four of them stepped into a room with a skinny, white man with white hair in a white tuxedo standing at the other side.

 

“Ello,” the other man greeted. “I’m the British Colonel. To’ what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

“We were sent by the American Colonel to investigate on your ‘vegetarian’ fried chicken production,” Eric said. “He said that he’d inform you of or arrival.”

 

“Yes, but I didn’t expect a wee’ bit lad to come!”

 

Eric walked forward and pulled out a baton from his bag. He slammed the stick across the British Colonel’s right leg, making him drop to the floor. Eric grabbed him by his stiff white hair and pulled his head up.

 

“Look, butthole. You do not do two things.” Eric pointed his finger up from the baton hand. “One. Don’t call me fat. And two, don’t call me a fucking child.”

 

* * *

 

Michael took one last drag out of his cigarette as he arrived at his destination: Mike’s house. 

 

He was across the street from the brown building, but it felt odd just being there. He didn’t know why, but this part of town always… hurt him? It simply felt odd just standing there; it was like an aura was around his area of town that

 

Michael wasn’t here to visit Mike though, but to visit another person- his birth mother. He crossed the street nervously, looking both ways before pacing to the other side. As soon as he stepped onto the sidewalk, the front door slowly slid open, creaking a loud squeak. Behind the door revealed a pale woman in her white blouse and blue jeans.

 

“What do you want?” She asked, afraid of the dark figure in front of her.

 

“We need to talk.” Michael said, breaking the silence. “It’s about Mike.”

 

“Get the fuck out of here!” She screamed, “You’re nothing but a Satan worshipper!”

 

“That’s not the point,” Michael urged. “He knows.”

 

“Knows what?” Mike’s mother asked.

 

“Knows… about how you abandoned me at birth.”

 

The mother paused, hesitant just by looking at Michael, who was now five feet away from her. “Fine. Don’t touch anything.”

 

Michael made sure to write smaller pentagrams before stepping into the home.He took one last breathe before entering the building.

 

Mike’s home had the exact same layout as every other home. The kitchen was in the back, the living room and dining table were together- all identical. The only difference was the amount of Christian symbolism that was hanging from the walls. There were paintings, vases, crucifixes everywhere. Michael had to walk around a giant rug on the floor because a giant cross and several other imagery.

 

“How did he find out?” Mike’s mother asked.

 

“Ummm… that’s a little complicated.” Mike watched and continued standing as he watched the woman sit upon her dining room couch.

 

“I told him to stay away from you,” she said, taking a large breaths as she sat on the couch. “But nooooo he wouldn’t listen.”

 

Michael sighed. So far, he has spent three minutes with his biological motherand he hated all five minutes of it. “Mike,” he emphasized, “likes me.”

 

“I can tell,” she said,”he spends so much time with you.”

 

“No no.” Michael corrected. “Like... like like.”

 

“Like like?” the mother asked. “You mean…”

 

“Yeah. Incest.”

 

The mother coughed. She started coughing violently, up to the point where she had to stand up to vomit.

 

“You are fucking disgusting,” Michael said, standing at the same location.

 

“This is your fault!” the mother yelled. “You got him to lu… like you.”

 

“That’s not fucking true.” Michael grabbed an object from his pocket and hurled it at the couch. The object bounced onto the couch, landing in front of Mike’s mother.

 

“What’s this?” The mom asked, observing the object wrapped in tin foil. “Is this a drug? Or goat’s blood?”

 

“Chill. It’s the fucking inhaler Mike left behind.” Michael watched as the woman in front of him unwrapped it. The inhaler was still in tact, and was still in a moderate temperature.

 

“Why did you bring this back?” The mother asked. “Couldn’t find a place to sell this?”

 

“What the fuck? Chill woman.” Michael lifted both arms, gesturing her to calm down. “I’m not a horrible person you know.”

 

“You shipped my son to Scottsdale, the most horrible place on Earth.” The woman placed the inhaler on the coffee table top.

 

“You have a point.” Michael places both hands in his pocket. “So. How are we going to deal with Mike.”

 

“You deal with him,” the mother said, standing up. “You got him into this mess, you get him out. I have to deal with all of these payments that came at once.”

 

Michael rolled his eyes.

 

“I saw that,” the woman said sternly. “My home insurance and electric bill and wifi and driver’s insurance came in all at once.”

 

“Fine.” Michael turned around and started heading to the door. “It’s not my fault if your son becomes a goth kid.”

 

“Eh,” the woman shrugged. “At this point, I’d rather him be goth than a fucking emo.”

 

Michael closed the door behind him, and walked out onto the street. His next destination was across town, so he had a long way to go.

 

* * *

 

The goth kids- except Michael- were all in the Village Inn. The four of them- as Karen now joined them- were all sitting at a booth drinking black coffee. They were all tired from avoiding vampire kids and from spreading rumors in school; so much so that for the first time, they actually ordered food.

 

It was only appetizers but it was food.

 

“I swear to God,” Henrietta said as she pulled a singular french fry from the platter in front of everyone. “If I have to tell another vampier wannabe that fucking Michael and Mike are in war, I will rip out someone’s throat.”

 

“Seriously,” Pete said as he waved a chicken finger with his hand. “Why the fuck are they coming to us if their fucking leader is a secretive prick?”

 

“It’s like there’s no… sense of communication in their… group.” Frickle was chewing on some sort of food while saying that.

 

“I just can’t wait for this to be over,” Karen said. “I don’t know why the vampire kids are bullying us so much.”

 

“Wait Karen,” Henrietta realized. “You don’t know what really happened, huh?”

 

“No,” Karen admitted. “I just say you guys were in trouble so I came to help.” She grabbed a singular french fry.

 

“Guys,” Henrietta asked. “We should tell her.”

 

“No we shouldn’t,” Pete injected. “We shouldn’t be spreading the secret anymore.”

 

“It’s Michael’s secret,” Frickle said.

 

“Oh. Okay.” Karen slouched on the booth seat and reached for another french fry.

 

Henrietta sighed, “Don’t just take one fucking french fry. Take some more. We can’t finish this shit anyways.”

 

* * *

 

Michael panted as he reached the final steps to the top of the school. He hated that Mike likes to think at a rooftop of a fucking two storied school that he had to sneak into after hours. And he absolutely hated that there’s no direct staircase to the roof but instead different ways to progress to the upper levels.

 

He opened the door and slammed it against its hinges. Michael panted, standing and placing his hands on his knees and managing his breathing.

 

Mike turned his head, looking over at the sudden loud noise of a metal door banging against the wall.

 

“Michael!” He gasped. “You scared me.”

 

Michael huffed. “Why. The. Hell... *breathes* would you... *breathes* go here?”

 

Mike pointed over towards Stark’s Pond. “Everyone goes to Stark’s Pond for deep connection talks. It became meaningless now.”

 

Michael walked over towards Mike, controlling his breathing at the same time. “I... why does it have to be... *breathes* up here?”

 

“We can meet at the top of the SodaSopa ruins if you ‘d like.” Mike suggested.

 

“Fuck... *breathes* NO.” Michael stood up, leaning against the wall. “I should... really *breathes* work out.”

 

“You should stop smoking cigarettes,” Mike suggested. “Give your lungs a break.”

 

“Fuck. You.” Michael finally stood next to Mike, and started noticing the change in appearance. Mike was now wearing vibrant neon colors on black clothes and a pair of deep dark blue jeans. His hair was still long, but mostly restrained in a pony tail in the back. “You look... good.”

 

Mike chuckled. “I can’t tell if you’re pausing from the admiration or your horrible stamina.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

* * *

 

“What the fuck do you vampire wannabes want?” Henrietta asked. Three vampire kids stood beside their table, walking from the other side of the restaurant. They were sent as “ambassadors” from the four other booths filled with vampire kids.

 

“We wanted to let you know that our reservation is soon and that we need you to leave,” one of the vampire kids said.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Pete asked.

 

“We rented the whole restaurant from 6pm to closing,” another vampire kid informed them. “We’re having a celebration for Brandon’s birthday.”

 

“Who the fuck is Brandon?” Henrietta asked.

 

“Who cares?” The third vampire kid told them. “We just rented the place out so we can kick you stupid goth kids out of here.”

 

“What the hell!” Karen shouted. “That’s not fair!”

 

“That’s life for you, traitor. Now get the fuck out.” The first vampire kid pointed towards the door.

 

“How dare you speak to us like that!” Henrietta yelled.

 

“You’re a bunch of dicks!” Frickle shouted.

 

“What’s going on here?” A waiter asked as she approached the table. “Oh. Is it 7:55 already?”

 

“Yes ma’m,” the vampire kid greeted. “We’re just asking them to kindly leave.”

 

The goth kids rolled their eyes as they started gathering their things. The waiter left the table, going back to the kitchen area with her other coworkers.

 

As the goth kids walked outside of the restaurant, they saw the sun already near down in the horizon. The four of them were halfway through the parking lot at the front entrance when someone had called to them.

 

“Wait!” A vampire kid yelled. “You forgot your food!”

 

As the four of them turned around, they were met with their food. A basket of fries, onion rings, chicken fingers, and a series of dipping sauces were tossed directly at them. Henrietta and Karen were hit the most, with the both of them receiving plenty of ranch dressing on their black clothes. Frickly had the least amount of damage, as his small and frail body had less of a chance of getting hit.

 

“What. The. Fuck!” Henrietta screamed, examining the damage on herself. Karen screamed in horror as ranch was now flowing down her bangs.

 

“What are you gonna do about it?” The vampire kid asked, tempting them to come closer. “You goth kids are outnumbered 10 to 1. You’re surrounded.”

 

And that was true. Every vampire kid that was inside the venue was now standing outside, standing in array like a Roman army.

 

“Let then go!”

 

Everyone watched as a hooded figure dropped from above, landing on the ground in a perfect summersault.

 

“Guardian Angel!” Karen cheered, running towards him.

 

“Karen!” Mysterion shouted. “You’re coated in ranch!”

 

“They threw it at us!” Karen yelled, hiding behind Mysterion in his cape.

 

“Booo!” A vampire kid yelled. “Boring!”

 

“Everyone here is going to get their ass whooped!” Mysterion posed in an attack stance.

 

“Mysterion!”

 

The vampire kids and the goths kids watched as Wendy stormed into the middle of their war once again with Tweek and Craig.

 

“Mysterion!” Wendy shouted. “You can’t just join in on a fight like this! Look at them!”

 

“But.. Wendy...”

 

“ And you guys!” She shouted towards the vampire kids and the goth kids, “You guys need to stop fighting with each other! Nothing is going to happen with you guys constantly fighting!”

 

“Shut up Wendy!” One of the vampire girls shouted. Picking up a plate of chicken wings with buffalo sauce, they threw the hot plate forward, hitting Wendy directly in the chest. Everyone watched in horror as the plate slowly fell down her chest; the food sliding down her jacket; her face becoming more and more red.

 

“You. Are. Going. To. Die.”

 

* * *

 

“So why are you still mad at me?” Michael asked.

 

The two had been silent for a whole five minutes as they watched the sun set over South Park’s eastern woods.

 

Mike sighed. “I’m not mad. I’m just... disappointed.”

 

“Disappointed?” Michael asked. “We’re already disappointments.”

 

Mike chuckled at the joke. “I meant that I didn’t know sooner. It’s really a lot to process.”

 

“What’s to process?” Michael asked. “The fact that we’re related?”

 

“No.” Mike admitted. “The fact that my own mother kept a secret for almost twelve years to me and my step dad.” He started tapping his fingers against a cold metal surface. “It was really scaring seeing my step dad and my mother argue for the first time in years.”

 

“How bad was it?” Michael asked.

 

“My step dad might be moving out,” Mike said sadly, “and because he’s part of child protective services he can admit my mother as psychologically incapable of raising me.”

 

There was a small moment of silence as Michael moved to sit close to him. “Shit. That sounds...”

 

“Painful.” Michael said, listing more words, “Traumatizing. Excruciating. Insurmountable.”

 

“Like a Korean drama.”

 

Mike angrily punched Michael’s arm next to him. “What the fuck Michael? Why are you making jokes about this? I might lose my family and my friends! I might be moved to fucking Greenly or Scottsdale by my own stepfather!”

 

Michael rubbed his arm, rubbing at the spot Mike had punched.

 

“I might never see you again,” Mike cried, leaning forward and immersing his face into his hands.

 

“You’ll see you again, you know that?” Michael said as he patted Mike’s back. “I know how the system works. And I don’t think your family is going to separate soon.”

 

“Wh-what do you mean?” Mike asked.

 

“I... I went to speak to... h-herrr... your mother, earlier.” Michael felt extremely weird referencing her, especially with using the wood, “her.”

 

“What the fuck?” Mike jumped up. “Why would you do that? Doesn’t my mom hate you?”

 

“She doesn’t hate me,” Michael said. “She absolutely wants me to be destroyed. There’s a difference.”

 

“I really don’t see one,” Mike admitted. “But keep going.”

 

“I returned the inhaler that you left at Stark’s Pond,” Michael told him. “I’m sure your mother told you.”

 

“She didn’t.” He brought out the small red inhaler from his pocket. “She said some kid brought it back because it had my name on it.”

 

“Well,” Michael has a point with this and realized, the whole fucking talk was useless. There was no personal resolution, as she basically pushed all the work to him. There wasn’t even five minutes of dialogue.

 

“Well what?” Mike asked.

 

“I got nothing.” Michael sat back down, “I spoke to her for three minutes before she kicked me out and made me do all the work to help you.”

 

“That sounds like my mom,” Mike said. “She doesn’t like dealing with my personal things, and I respect that. That’s one reason why I went vampire- because of that pain of not having a family that understands.”

 

“What about you dad? He summoned Corey Haime from the dead. Isn’t he the declared head vampire?”

 

“Are you serious?” Mike asked. “My dad, being a lead vampire, in an elementary school vampire club.”

 

“You got a point,” Michael stated. “Don’t you talk with him about your needs?”

 

“He has a 18 hour per day job. He works so much overtime because he likes his job so much.”

 

“Wasn’t he making the new kid post his headshots though?” Michael asked. “I thought he wanted to be a comedian.”

 

“There’s a new coworker at the police station and now all they do is shit on Stanford and how their housing organization sent out a letter to one of the dorm’s filled with guys about how they had to repair a $8,000 filter and pipes because the guys constantly master bate in the shower.”

 

Michael started laughing at that. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

 

“That’s true though,” Mike admitted. “It’s funny the first time, but after hearing him talk about it over 8,000 times, ugh.”

 

“So what are you gonna do?” Michael asked.

 

“With what?” Mike asked back.

 

“Your life?” Michael firmly stated. “Are you gonna go back to the other vampire kids?”

 

“I dunno.” Mike eased up and spreader his legs. “I want to, but I don’t know if I should.”

 

“What’s stopping you?” Michael asked. “Your parents seem okay with it.”

 

“My mom isn’t, actually.” Mike turned to Michael’s direction. “When I asked about her past, she said that she was part of his hardcore Christian group. And then when I saw the-“

 

“Wait wait wait.” Michael realized something. “Have you told your mom that you know you’re related to me?”

 

Mike paused. “No?”

 

Michael sharply breathed in, before screaming at the top of his lungs. “AHHHHHH!”

 

“Jesus Christ what the fuck dude!” Mike screamed.

 

“I thought you were mad at me!” Michael yelled.

 

“I am!” Mike screamed back. “Ish!”

 

“Ish?” Michael screamed. “What the fuck is ish?”

 

“Look,” Mike said in his normal voice. “I really liked you, okay. The fact that you’re my half brother really fucked me up.”

 

“But you said ish,” Michael clarified.

 

“Because it means we were meant to be close,” Mike told him. “If something happened to us if we were dating, then we would fight and never speak again, but since we’re brothers, the damage is halved or reduced and eventually, we’ll forgive each other.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Michael asked. “That sounds like you believe in that Disney family bullshit.”

 

“Bullshit?” Mike asked. “You do realize it’s not bullshif right?”

 

“But look,” Michael said. “I know in school we’re enemies with each other. So we’re supposed to hate each other. We can’t just... suddenly change.”

 

“That’s the thing with our situation,” Mike explained. “It’s really weird that we have a situation like this. But in all honesty, we’re not supposed to be close and brotherly to each other. That’s why I wanted to try.”

 

“Try what?” Michael asked.

 

“Try to... be your younger brother,” Mike admitted. “And in the process I started developing feelings towards you.”

 

“Gross,” Michael said out loud.

 

“I know,” Mike whined. “We don’t all have 20/20 hindsight you know.”

 

“That Captain Hindsight does,” Michael told him. “So what now?”

 

“I’m just unsure what to do with my family, really.” Mike looked ahead and saw that the community center was empty. “Hey, isn’t the vampire meeting supposed to end by now?”

 

“The new kid texted us,” Michael said, looking at his phone. “The vampire kids are ganging up on the goth kids.”

 

“What the fuck?” Mike hopped from his seat. “Let’s go.”

 

“But you’re still questioning yourself,” Michael told him. “You’re not even sure why you’re disappointed in me anymore.”

 

“That is not true,” Mike said, defending himself. “I’m just mad that I wasn’t aware of this sooner!”

 

“Why?” Michael asked. “Why did you want to know about this burden? This burden that haunted me for eleven years? The burden of your own biological mother leaving you because you were a fucking demon spawn?”

 

“Because I just wanted to be a part of the loop!” Michael admitted. “One of the main reasons why I loved the vampire society is because it was part of a popular trend. And the thing was, people there knew shit! They were aware of things like best restaurants in town, which memes are new and dead, and fuckin’ which person in school was cool!”

 

“You... were out of the loop?” Michael asked, unsure what he meant.

 

“For some reason I take like three years to learn about new events. I didn’t even realize that the school’s auditorium was the fucking gym until Tweek and Craig sang that Put It Down song.”

 

“Really?” Michael asked.

 

“I’m being serious!” Mike told him. “It hurts being the last to find out things like this. It does.”

 

“I see...” Michael’s phone beeped, indicating a new text message. “The new kid says they really need us to settle on things.”

 

“Let’s go.” Mike turned around and grabbed his messenger bag.

 

“Look,” Michael said, pressing his hand on his shoulder, “if I start informing you on current events and stuff, will you be okay with everything?”

 

Mike turned around and gave Michael a hug. “Yes. Please.”

 

...

 

“Can you let go? This is the longest I’ve been in a hug and I don’t like it.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Mike asked. “You’re the one latching on.”

 

* * *

 

The British Colonel walked with a small limp as he guided the children through the factory. 

 

“Back in 2016,” the British Colonel told them. “American Colonel told us to start experimenting with vegetarian fried chicken. We didn’t know why he’d gave us the task. Japanese Colonel was way more suited for creating this sort of shit.”

 

“But what happened?” Eric said as he saw giant white vats. “He mentioned something about a new chicken place.”

 

“For a few decades now,” the British Colonel explained. “We’ve been competing with a enemy called Nandos.”

 

“Cheeky Nandos?” One of the body guards asked.

 

“Yes!” They shouted. “The cheeky Nandos! That phrase practically ruined us!”

 

“What are you talking about?” Eric asked.

 

“Cheeky Nandos has the ability to give you fast and tasty food within minutes whilst the KFC algorithm requires us at least five minutes.” The British Colonel pointed towards a panel on the wall. “We only buy thighs, drumsticks, and breasts for our chicken. Nandos has the ability to buy whole chickens! They figured out a way to use all of the chicken! And buying a whole chicken is cheaper than buying parts.”

 

“And what about taste?” Billy asked.

 

“Have you tried Nandos?” British Colonel asked. “It’s really good! Do you know why it’s called cheeky Nandos? Because you can go there at any time, order food, get food fast, and it tastes fucking amazing!”

 

“So what are you going to do with the vegetarian fried chicken?” Eric turned to the large vat and observed the items being added in. “You guys stayed you’re only using original spices and herbs.”

 

“Didn’f the American Colonel tell you?” The British Colonel asked. “Do you know what original spices and herbs mean?”

 

“No...” Eric answered.

 

“It means cocaine.” British Colonel grabbed a one gallon ziplock bag filled with cocaine and dumped it into the giant mix. “We’re gonna add some cocaine into the mix so it can taste like chicken without any substances that are way worse.”

 

“What the fuck?” Eric asked. “Why? That doesn’t work!”

 

“Did you know that the original Coca Cola had cocaine in it?” He asked. “How do you think they became so successful?”

 

* * *

 

The new kid slammed both hands into the ground, sprouting a series of roots to burst through the pavement. The sprouted roots thrashed forward, hitting and sending back a row of vampire kids.

 

Call Girl (because Wendy was able to change somehow) ran forward and jumped on the new kid’s back. Using them as a jump boost, Call Girl pulled out her selfie sticks and attacked the vampire kid in front. She knocked him unconscious.

 

Tweek and Craig- or Wonder Tweek and Super Craig- were inseparable. As Craig was in the front punching or being a shield, Tweek remained behind him freezing and shocking the opponents in front of them.

 

Mysterion, whilst having Karen behind him, was able to punch his opponents down to the last drop of health, where Henrietta or Pete spewed Fire from their cigarettes for the assist kill.

 

“We’re getting over run!” Call Girl yelled. “As soon as they get knocked out, they drink the free Clamato juice from inside the restaurant to restore their health!”

 

“What the hell are we gonna do?” Mysterion used a dark mist and pulled the vampire kid towards him. He punched and knocked the kid unconscious.

 

“The new kid said to wait!” Tweek sent out a green orb, healing Super Craig in front of him. “They texted Michael and Mike to come!”

 

“Where the fuck are they!” Henrietta yelled as she drew a pentagram into the air. Pete felt the pentagram empower them as he drew more cigarette smoke.

 

“It’s too late!” The vampire kids shouted. “We brought out the big guns!”

 

From the restaurant doors emerged the black vampire adult. Instead of his normal t-shirt, he wore full body armor. Well, not full body armor, but he cosplayed as Dracula.

 

“I will destroy all ya’ (n-word).” <I don’t know if I’m allowed to write the N-word, despite it being said by a black person. Welp. What can I do now? If you get offended by this, let me know>

 

“Oh shit!” Mysterion cursed. “Be careful! He hits like a fucking truck!”

 

“And for my first fucking attack, I’m gonna slice you mother fuckers!” Dracula- or in this case black Dracula? Dracula spread his cape wide opened and ran in a circle around the heroes. All of them attempted to dodge the red cape, but Tweek got caught by the fabric.

 

“Jesus Christ!” Tweek said, losing more than half of his remaining health. “Why do you have to try so hard!”

 

“Eat this mother fucker!” Black Dracula spread his cape once more, and released a massive wave of bats.

 

Everyone braved their arms forward, guarding against the attack.

 

“What the fuck-“

 

The new kid, along with everyone, watched as a large blast of fire stopped the incoming bats. A large ball of dark mist attacked black Dracula head on, sending them flying backwards.

 

“You fuck wads called?” Michael said, walking in with a cigarette in his lips.

 

“Sorry we took so long,” Mike greeted. “We walked all the way.”

 

“Wait a minute,” a vampire kid shouted. “It’s Mike!”

 

“Mike!” Another vampire kid shouted.

 

“Mike?” Another kid shouted. Pretty soon, the vampire kids were all question his appearance.

 

“Everyone! Stop fighting!” Mike shouted towards the vampires. “What the he’ll are you fighting the goth kids for?”

 

“Because they stole you,” Brandon, one of the higher up vampire kids said. “And you left our group after Michael started hanging out with you,”

 

“For the last time,” Mike stated. “I took a vacation because of family problems.”

 

“And why was Michael with you?” Brandon asked.

 

“Because he...” Mike turned to Michael. “He’s my friend.”

 

Everyone gasped as soon as they heard that.

 

“He’s your mother fuckin’ friend?” Black Dracula asked.

 

“Yes,” Mike said, “he is my friend. Why can’t we be friends?”

 

“Because he’s a stupid goth kid,” Brandon said.

 

“Brandon,” Michael stated. “You go to sleep every night with a Bella body pillow and you can’t tie your own fucking shoe laces. Shut the fuck up.”

 

Brandon blushed as several vampire kids around him started to laugh at him.

 

“Everyone look!” Mike yelled. “Michael is my friend now. Okay? Can we please call a whole truce on this?”

 

“Why should we truce with the Goth kids?” One of the vampire kids asked. “They’ve done nothing but fight back!”

 

“You freaks keep initiating fights!” Henrietta yelled.

 

“You guys threw food at us!” Karen yelled.

 

A vampire kid emerged from the crowd, “You guys kept-“

 

“OKAY STOP!” Mike shouted. “I WILL SHUT DOWN THE VAMPIRE CLUB IN SCHOOL IF WE DO NOT MAKE A TRUCE. UNDERSTAND?”

 

Everyone stared in silence as Mike turned around to Michael.

 

“Truce?” Mike asked.

 

“Truce.” Michael agreed. They shook hands.

 

“Got it?” Mike pointed towards the exit. “Everyone go home. It’s already almost 8pm anyways.”

 

* * *

 

Eric looked out of the airplane window, watching the wings of the plane cut through the clouds.

 

After meeting with the Colonel, they decided to simply head home.

 

“What is going to happen to the South Park KFC?” Billy asked. He sat next to Cartman.

 

“I don’t know,” Eric replied. “Raising Canes is going to blow up in South Park, and KFC might revert back to cocaine if we don’t stop them.”

 

“But we can’t go against the Colonel,” Billy said.

 

“I know. That’s why we have to find out as muchas we can about Raising Canes as soon as possible.”

 

“Is that why we’re going to California?” Billy asked.

 

“There’s more of them there than most states in America,” Eric told him. “We need to find out what makes them stand out.”

 

“Eric,” Billy said to him. “I have a lot riding on to this. Don’t fuck with me, Eric.”

 

“Is an intervention the worst type of party to host someone?” Eric asked. “Does using a plunger mean you’re giving the toilet CPR?”

 

“Excellent.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“No seriously, does using a plunger mean you’re giving the toilet CPR?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who loves overprotective Guardian Angel and the Michael/Mike complex? 
> 
> And the Eric Chicken ark is going to be the arc mentioned throughout the rest of the series. Don’t worry, this will be very interesting. I think this series will end nicely with a *three part ending?* maybe, I haven’t written it yet.
> 
> By the way, does anyone know what the *original recipe* title is referencing? Mention in the comments below (now I sound like a Youtuber) 
> 
> Guess what? Creek next episode. Goodbye|~~~ until next time.
> 
> Thank you guys, gals, and non-binary pals,   
> -Negira


	7. Love Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new fan fiction has been written about Tweek and Craig! And everyone is making memes out of it.
> 
> Butters and Kenny finally talk about their feelings towards one another.
> 
> Shelia is fucking pissed from this meme resurrectiond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING THIS SOONER! I HAVE NO EXCUSES (other than the fact that I went east coast of the states to a talk my professor was giving) AND I DESERVE TO BE SHUNNED.
> 
> Please don't actually shun me, I'm already trash enough.
> 
> But anyways, yes! I'm back with a new chapter(s) and I promise the next one that it'll be soon! Before July ends I can for sure guarantee! 
> 
> And thank you for sticking this far! Yall are the best! Thank you guys, gals, and non-binary pals!
> 
> Negira1239

Tweek and Craig were drained from the extraneous work they had put in the past few weeks.

 

First with the meme bans and with assisting Kyle for his date. Then with assisting Wendy about the Vampire Kids and Goth Kids fight. The two boys barely had enough time to do anything for themselves. They were constantly in the background of everyone’s shit.

 

The day started just as any other day. The four boys, Token, Clyde, Jimmy, and Jason, were standing beside Token’s locker, waiting for Tweek and Craig to arrive. Ever since they were involved with the Vampire/Goth kids crisis, they started to deviate from the group. And now they all met at Token’s locker.

 

“Hey guys,” Tweek greeted. Craig remained silent as he approached his friends.

 

“Hey dude,” Token greeted. “Did you hear the news?”

 

“What news?” Craig asked.

 

“The Asian girls are at it again,” Token said as he pointed towards the small group.

 

The group of Asian girls were composed of Japanese, Korean, and Chinese girls. They all had dyed hair streaks and wore darker, but floral clothing.

 

“Oh geez,” Tweek realized. “Wh-What did they do?”

 

“Hahahahaha!” Eric Cartman laughed as he ran down the hall to the group of boys. “Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha!”

 

“What’s so funny?” Craig threatened.

 

“You fags are now fan fiction material!” Eric laughed. “Someone wrote a whole fan fiction about you douchebags.”

 

“Clyde did that like a while ago,” Token thought.

 

“Yeah, but this shit is better!” Eric jokes. “Tweek dies and becomes a devil.”

 

“Wait what!” Tweek screamed.

 

“Let me see that,” Craig said as he snatched the phone.

 

“Dude fuck off,” Eric protested, pushing the boyfriend away. “It’s on AO3. Read it on there.”

 

“What’s AO3?” Clyde asked, unsure what the acronym meant.

 

“It’s for Archive Of Our Own dumbass.” Eric grabbed his phone back and quickly left the group, reading the fan fiction through his phone.

 

“Was that the fan fiction you were talking about?” Craig asked. “What’s different about this one?”

 

“I dunno,” Token replied. “But it’s started to get extremely popular after you and Tweek best up those Vampire kids.”

 

“We didn’t beat them up,” Tweek reinstates, “We we’re protecting the Goth Kids. Oh Jesus this fan fiction is getting out of hand and-“

 

“Calm down Tweek,” Craig said, “We’ll get through this.”

 

Tweek squealed in agony as the group advanced to class.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Michael,” Mike greeted as he ran by him.

 

“What?” Michael asked.

 

The two boys were on their way to their class. Since they were in the same class- the fifth grade class- they’ve now become accustomed to walk in together.

 

“So who’s Raven?” Mike asked curiously.

 

“No one,” Michael emphasized. “And you’ll never find out.”

 

“Awww,” Mike whined. “Come on! I told you who I liked!”

 

“You fucking liked me,” Michael said back. “And you remember how that ended?”

 

“Oh come on!” Mike resisted, walking in front of Michael. “Why are you so hesitant about me learning your life? You’re the one who’s so secretive in our interactions.”

 

“Interactions,” Michael pointed out. “What a good word to use.”

 

“Shut up,” Mike pouted. “The Point is, why aren’t you sharing stuff about yourself?”

 

“Because I already told you what I liked and don’t like.”

 

“Saying anything that is conformist is what you dislike does not count!” Mike told him, “Why are you keeping more secrets from me?”

 

“I don’t think you can handle what my life has,” Michael stated. “You fucking cried when you heard KFC is releasing vegetarian Fried Chicken.”

 

“We vampires have to stay healthy you know!” Mike shouted. “Plus, we can get diabetes and high cholesterol from drinking blood from a fat person.”

 

Michael rolled his eyes. “I won’t tell you who Raven is you know.”

 

“Pleaseeeeeee!” Mike begged. “I’ll tell you who my new crush is!”

 

“If it’s Raven, I will smack you.” Michael raised his hand. “And if you dare say the new kid I will punch you.”

 

Mike frowned as they both entered the class room.

 

* * *

 

“Good Morning Class,” the teacher greeted. “Today, we’re going to be something a little... different... with our literature assignment.”

 

The kids turned towards each other, chattering what could possibly happen.

 

“Today, we will be analyzing something in the current media culture that I found to be...” the teacher walked over to the center of the board and pulled down the curtain for the projector. “Interesting.”

 

“Is it Donald Trump’s tweets again?” Wendy asked.

 

“No,” the teacher walked over to her desk and used her laptop to project the current webpage. “Today we will be reading the popular and new fan fiction that is sweeping the nation.”

 

“What?!?!” Tweek screamed.

 

“We’ll be discussing about CreekScout420’s usage of dramatic and static characters, as well as it’s multiple story arcs and its philosophical meaning.”

 

“There’s philosophical meaning behind this shit?” Craig yelled. He flipped off the teacher.

 

“Young man, did you just flip me off?” The teacher asked.

 

“No,” Craig replied as he flipped her off again.

 

“Craig! Go to the Principal’s office! Now!”

 

“Gah!”

 

“Tweek! You’re going too!”

 

“Oh sweet Jesus!”

 

* * *

 

PC Principal was now speaking to both Tweek and Craig in his office.

 

“All right guys,” PC Principal started, “I know there’s been a fan fiction flying around.” Tweek was shaking from the anticipation. “Just wanted to check in, see if you have any questions for me.”

 

Craig started first, “Why is our teacher making us analyze our own fan fiction?”

 

“What’s wrong with analyzing a fan fiction?” PC Principal asked, “Nothing wrong with that.”

 

“There is something wrong with that!” Craig protested.

 

“That’s just weird!” Tweek joined in.

 

“That is completely irrelevant, okay?” PC Principal insisted, “What matters, and the reason why I’ve brought you in here, is that you understand affirmative consent.”

 

“But we already went through this?” Tweek asked.

 

“IF there is a romantic/satanic relationship here, you have to make sure your partner is comfortable with any sexual exploration.”

 

“Aah!” Tweek panicked a bit.

 

“Now, in a young relationship, it gets a little trickier, but you still have to follow some guidelines, all right?”

 

Craig angrily objected, “But I’m not dating a devil!”

 

“I don’t care about that, bro!” PC Principal threw his hands up in a fit. “Tweek,” he pointed at he, “if- and I’m only saying if- at some point, you wanted to touch Craig’s penis, you can’t just go grabbing for it, alright? You need to say something like, ‘Craig, is it alright with you if I touch your penis?’ Okay? Let’s try it out.”

 

Tweek angrily rejected, “No! I’m not a devil!”

 

“You want two weeks detention instead?! This shit’s important!”

 

Tweek used her peripheral vision to stare at Craig and asked, “Craig, can I touch your penis?”

 

“Okay, good. Now Craig, you might say, ‘you may touch my penis, I’m comfortable with that.”’

 

The two children stared angrily at their principal.

 

“Or, of course, you may say, ‘No. You may not touch my penis at this time.”’

 

“No you may not.” Craig almost shouted at Tweek.

 

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Now Craig, what would you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek’s asshole under his devil tail?”

 

* * *

 

“Fellow parents!” Shelia shouted into the microphones. “Memes have made their way back into South Park!”

 

The adults started rambling in their seats as they heard about the upsetting news. After the Tweek and Craig fan fiction was gaining popularity, kids had started creating memes once again in respect to the work.

 

“You may not have heard of this,” Shelia said into the microphone, “But kids are now running rapid spreading devil memes about Tweek and Craig!”

 

“Oh no!” Randy shouted, “Not Tweek and Craig!”

 

“What the hell are they saying about my son?” Thomas, Craig’s father, asked.

 

“Settle down everyone,” Shelia said as she brought out a paper board prompted over a stand. “Here are some examples of the propaganda kids are making!”

 

Shelia flipped over the paper revealing an expanding minds meme of Tweek and Craig. The squares read as followed: “Tweek and Craig at age 10; Tweek and Craig at age 15; Tweek and Craig Devil AU; Tweek and Craig Devil AU at age 15.”

 

“What the hell is a devil AU?” Sharron asked.

 

“AU stands for alternative universe,” Mrs. Cartman answered. “It’s like a mix on a popular story or idea.”

 

“Whatever the hell it mean,” Shelia yelled. “Look at this meme! It makes no sense! Who the hell is this blue man?”

 

“That man looks like a pedophile!” A man in the back shouted.

 

“That man looks like a divine figure!” A woman shouted from the back.

 

“Whoever that man is,” Shelia shouted. “We cannot let our childrens’ minds be filled with this crap!”

 

“YEAH!” the parents shouted.

 

“We must fight the source of it!” Shelia asked.

 

“But what is this source?” Sharron asked.

 

“Oh, that’s easy.” Shelia replied. “TIMES HAVE CHANGED-“

 

(No I’m not parody-ing/plagiarizing Blame Canada into Blame Fan Fiction. NO. No.)

 

* * *

 

“Hey Kenny!”

 

Kenny sighed as he closed his locker door. “What’s up Butters?”

 

Ever since Butters had rejected his offer about several months ago, Kenny always felt weird and awkward to hang out with Butters. He wasn’t really avoiding him, he had been busy with the Raising Canes investigation.

 

Ha ha just kidding he was fucking avoiding Butters.

 

“Hey Ken,” Butters said in his odd accent, “why haven’t we hung out in so long?”

 

Kenny thought out the recent events that occurred, and realized that he hardly been involved with anything. In fact, what was he doing? “I have to watch Karen when she’s home.”

 

“Oh,” Kenny noticed how Butters stuttered at that moment. “Why don’t we go hang out and do something? Just the two of us?”

 

Kenny raised his brow. “Are you gonna bring that up?”

 

Butters looked around, scanning the halls for any suspecting passing by students. “Yeah...”

 

“Where do you wanna go?” Kenny asked, slowly closing his locker door.

 

“Why don’t we go to my house?” Butters asked. “We can play some board games and stuff.”

 

“Board games are usually with four people,” Kenny said out loud. “What are you getting at here Butters?”

 

Butters sighed, knowing that Kenny saw through him. “Fine. I just.... I just wanna talk.”

 

“Fine by me,” Kenny said as he followed Butters out of the school.

 

* * *

 

“What are we gonna do Craig?” Tweek asked. “Everyone thinks I’m a devil now!”

 

“No they won’t babe,” Craig said as he hurled a second stone into the pond.

 

After school ended, the two boys decided to walk off to Stark’s Pond. Tweek sat alone at the park bench as he watched Craig toss smooth stones towards Stark’s Pond’s reflective water surface. They were both fed up of the school once again; with the new fan fiction out once again, they were both pinned by their classmates for signatures, random questions, and with random requests.

 

“Have you finished the fan fiction yet?” Craig asked. “You were reading that in class, huh?”

 

“I wanted to see what the rave was all about,” Tweek states. “I didn’t expect it to be so... well written.”

 

“Wait,” Craig turned around. “You... liked it?”

 

Tweek turned his head to hide his blush. “I really liked how they wrote you.”

 

“Wrote me?” Craig asked. “What does that mean?”

 

“The author, whoever this CreekScout420 is, wrote us really well.” Craig approached the park bench Tweek was sitting on and sat beside him. “They wrote us so accurately. It’s like they know how we’d react.”

 

“How aren’t you freaked out by this?” Craig asked.

 

“I dunno,” Tweek admitted. “Sure, it’s scary to have something made that’s about you, but it’s not like this is our first time dealing with this.”

 

“You’re right,” Craig realized. “But this is bigger than the fan art.”

 

“Yeah,” Tweek said. “I’m freaking out more about how accurate this all is than how why they wrote it.”

 

“I get that.” Craig turned his head over to the blonde’s attention. “So what do we do now?”

 

“What do you mean?” Tweek asked. “I thought we can just go through this again like we did the first time.”

 

“We need to find out who CreekScout142 is.”

 

“Wait what!” Tweek shouted.

 

“Tweek!” Craig shushed.

 

“Are you insane?” Tweek yelled. “We’re gonna get killed and-“

 

“Tweek calm down-“

 

“And they’re gonna find our bodies-“

 

“Tweek-“

 

“In the cold beside the Colorado Rockies and-“

 

“Tweek!”

 

Tweek turned to the noirette to his right.

 

“We’re gonna be okay, okay?” Craig brought out his left land and tightly gripped Tweek’s right with it. “We’re just gonna do things differently, okay?”

 

Tweek took a deep breath before considering. “What if... CreekScout420 is someone we know?”

 

“Doesn’t that make it easier for us?” Craig asked. “I’d rather them be a person we know than some random stranger.”

 

“I... guess...” Tweek turned his head to the right and smiled at Craig. “Hey... thanks.”

 

Craig smiled and tilted his head towards the blonde. Their foreheads lightly connected as they both closed their eyes.

 

“Hey Tweek,” Craig whispered. “I love you.”

 

Tweek could feel his own face smile upon the three words.

 

* * *

 

Kenny walked slowly as they approached Butter’s front door. He always had a fear of approaching Butters’ family, as his family was really, mostly crazy people.

 

Butters’ mother, Kenny thought, was a complete psychopath. She had tried to kill Butters several times, as he recalled. Not to mention, she was always such a gossip. He sort of disliked Linda Stotch, but she was the favorite parent in this case.

 

Stephen Stotch, Butters’ father, was the one he really hated. Butters’ father randomly grounded kids due to his childhood trauma; he attempted and committed murder; and he was even too afraid to admit his bisexuality. He kept denying every letter the LGBT center sent him, and even threatened to sue the five kids if they kept sending him that ‘shit’.

 

But he was once again not able to do anything, because as Kenny, he was the one that was incapable to do anything.

 

He couldn’t stop Cartman from ruining his favorite sport: NASCAR. He couldn’t stop himself from getting addicted to cat urine. He couldn’t even protect his sister from vampire kid influence.

 

“Kenny?”

 

Kenny snapped out of his subconscious mind and focused on the blonde, skinny kid in front of him. “Hey Butters.”

 

“You okay Ken?” Butters asked. “You were at it for a while.”

 

Kenny blinked, adjusting his vision once again. “I’m fine,” Kenny lied. “Let’s just go upstairs.”

 

Thankfully, none of Butters’ parents were home. The two boys walked up to the lone bedroom at the end of the hall, locked by a heavily armed security system. Kenny hates how much Butters’ parents don’t trust him; but he knew it wasn’t completely his fault.

 

It was partially his own fault as well.

 

“Well?” Kenny asked as he set foot inside the bedroom. “What did we doing?”

 

“What are you ‘what’ing about?” Butters asked.

Butters’ bedroom was still the same as before. His bed, desk, drawer were all at the same places as before. There were various toys such as legos, toy cars, and several Magic the Gathering Cards scattered around the floor.

 

“What did we do?” Butters asked for clarification. “What do you mean what did we do?”

 

Kenny sighed, realizing how this situation was gonna pan out. “Butters... I get that things were going too fast.”

 

The room became silent as now both the boys were at the same level. Back before, after Kenny laid a small kiss on Butter’s lips in the snow, Butters had pushed Kenny away after three seconds of contact.

 

“Ken,” Butters called. “I’m sorry I pushed yah’. I just thought we were goings a little too fast. I was just-“

 

“No. Butters,” Kenny injected. “I... I’m sorry.”

 

The two boys stood awkwardly at their positions in Butters’ bedroom. None of them were looking at each other. They both stared awkwardly at the floor; looking at how intricate their shoe laces were tied on their shoes.

 

“That’s okay Ken... I... I dunno.” Butters turned around to climb on his bed. Once he was on top, he positioned himself so he was still facing Kenny. “I don’t know how I feel right now.”

 

“How do you feel right now?” Kenny asked, taking the seat behind the desk.

 

“To be honest Ken...” Butters rubbed his hands together, fidgeting his fingers around his knuckles. “I dunno. I feel happy that you did that to me. But sometimes I get really sad by how you treat me.”

 

“How I treat you?” Kenny asked. “Are you referring to the Professor Chaos and Mysterion complex?”

 

“Nah,” Butters declined. “I got used to that. But it’s like... the other stuff.”

 

“How we tied you up a pole cuz you never kissed a girl at that point?” Kenny asked.

 

“Nah,” Butters said. “How you threw a ninja star at my eye... and like how y’all kinda made me dress up like a girl just so we can steal their fortune teller machine.”

 

“Oh...” Kenny looked up to see a tear coming down Butters’ face.

 

“I’m just... confused Kenny...” Butters used his sleeve to wipe his tear. “Why did you guys have to treat me like that?”

 

Kenny immediately stood up from his chair, pushing the chair away from him as he walked towards the bed. Butters lifted his hand as a halt, stopping Kenny from coming any closer.

 

“Why are you...” Butters sniffled, “why do you guys bully me?” He sniffled again. “Why does Eric trick me? Why do you guys make me do embarrassing stuff?”

 

As Kenny took a step closer, Butters’ voice became raspy and sounded like paper.

 

“Why did you lie to me Ken?” Butters’ asked. “Why did you throw the ninja star at me?”

 

“I didn’t know that was you!” Kenny exclaimed.

 

Butters screamed back, “There are so many fucking blonde kids that have blue eyes! Who else could it fucking be!”

 

“Butters!” Kenny shouted, “I’m sorry-“

 

“You’re sorry?” Butters shouted in sarcastic anger, “You were friggin’ sorry when you let Eric tease me every single day of my life?”

 

“Butters I-“

 

“Don’t Butters me this mister!” Butters shouted. “I’m tired of what you, and Eric, and Stan, and Kyle, and-“

 

“LEO!”

 

Butters froze in shock; hearing his actual name being shouted alarmed the little boy. Well, not his full name, but you know what I mean.

 

“Leo...” Kenny sat beside the other blonde boy. “I’m... I’m sorry I’m not doing anything.”

 

Butters rested his head on Kenny’s shoulder, crying onto the orange parka.

 

“Look Leo...” Kenny assured, “I... I’ll try to be better. I promise.”

 

“Kenny...” Butters coughed.

 

“Butters,” Kenny tapped. “I... I’ve let people down recently. I’ve left my sister down. I’ve left my friends down. But most importantly...”

 

Kenny shifted his hands to softly grip Butters’ chin. He shifted himself so there was some space between the boys.

 

“I’ve let you down... and I’m sorry.” Kenny let go of Butters’ face. “I... I should go.”

 

Kenny hopped off Butters’ bed and made his way to the door.

 

“Ken...” Butters whispered. “Don’t go.”

 

“I’m sorry Butters...” Kenny pulled his hood forward, covering his face and his whole head with the orange parka hood. “Good bye.”

 

Kenny closed the door behind him, and walked down the stairway.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Craig and Tweek arrived at school and saw the group of Asian girls sitting at the small stair case. Craig separated his hold with Tweek and pursued to the girls. He opened his backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper.

 

“What the hell is this?” Craig asked, holding a 11.5 x 8 inch paper containing an expanding minds meme of Tweek and Craig. “これわ何ですか?” (What is this?)

 

“Oh,” one of the Asian girls in the group said. “Hey Craig. クレーグさんの日本語は凄いですね?” (Craig’s japanese is great! Isn’t it?)

 

“あなたが言っていることを理解しているいます!” (I understand what you’re saying) Craig shouted back at the girls. “Who made this meme?”

 

“I don’t know,” another girl replied back. “このメムは面白いですね”

 

“Don’t fucking laugh at this!” Craig shouted back. Tweek walked over to Craig, placing his arm around Craig’s hip.

 

“かわいい!!!” One of the girls said as she snapped a picture. “トリークさんはクレーグさんのTーシャツをきると思います.” (Great! I think Tweek is wearing Craig’s T-shirt!”

 

“How the fuck did they know?” Tweek whispered.

 

“凄い!!!” A group of girls cheered.

 

“That’s enough!” Craig shouted. “Can you please stop making memes about me and Tweek?”

 

“We’re sorry,” one of the Asian girls spoke, “But we have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Exactly- wait what?” Craig asked.

 

“We don’t make memes,” the first Japanese girl said to them. “We only make fan art. Memes are cool and stuff, but we’re not creative enough to make something that… dank?”

 

The other girls nodded. Tweek and Craig turned around and walked over to their locker.

 

“Oh man,” Tweek whispered. “What do we do now? The Asian girls aren’t making them!”

 

“Don’t worry Tweek,” Craig said. “This is good.”

 

“Why is this good?” Tweek asked, griping Craig’s hand tighter.

 

“Because Tweek,” Craig loosened his grip, “We can cut the number of suspects by seven.”

 

* * *

 

Sharron made sure to knock on the door before entering Gerald’s office.

 

The past few days, the adults have gathered over at Shelia’s house, where her and Gerald hosted research group sessions. These research sessions consisted of the adults studying memes, and learning of where they’re origins are from.

 

“I don’t understand this meme at all,” Shelia said as she read her iPad. “How the heck is this bird talking?”

 

“Check this one out,” Randy shouted from Gerald’s computer. “Despicable Me made a meme too! And tons of them!”

 

Sharron set down the tray of lemonade onto the office desk before peeking over to Randy’s monitor. “Oh my god was this in the movie?”

 

“I.. I can’t tell,” Randy admitted. “I… I don’t remember what happens anymore. Every time I see this… meme… I just replay that scene but instead of what was on the board originally, I just see that!”

 

“Oh dear god!” Gerald exclaimed. “What the hell do we do?”

 

“These memes seem to be growing,” Thomas said as he scrolled on his tablet. “There’s more of these memes growing on Twitter!”

 

“That does it!” Shelia set her tablet on the table top. “We’re going to need some help finding the source of these memes! From what we’ve gathered, we’re just barely skimming the surface!”

 

“But who do we call Shelia?” Sharron asked. “It’s not like there’s an adult that actually studies memes!”

 

“Umm,” Mr. Mackey joined in on the conversation. He sat at the other side of the room with the other four adults on their laptops. “I.. actually know some body.”

 

Every adult looked at Mr. Mackey as he pulled out his phone.

 

* * *

 

Mysterion ran as fast as he can before jumping off the ledge of the building. He jumped across the alley and landed on the other rooftop, doing a shoulder roll as he landed.

 

Lately, Mysterion had gotten better with parkour. With his small and skinny figure, he was able to effectively run fast and pull off more flexible maneuvers. And with the help of the new kid and their YouTube tutorials, Mysterion was now able to run across town without using the sidewalk.

 

Mysterion landed on the roof of a storage bin with a light thud. He stood up and scanned his surroundings. He could of swore that someone was watching him, but he had hoped that they were now behind thanks to his agility. Mysterion turned to his right and stood at the ledge, overlooking the sight across the street.

 

The Raising Canes across the U-Stor-It was now almost done with construction. The building had been assembled, as well as the parking lot. It had been reported lately that the building was now doing electrical and plumbing maintenance, and after that, the restaurant could be open for business.

 

“Mysterion!”

 

Mysterion turned around to see the Coon climb up the ladder.

 

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” The Coon asked. “Why the fuck are you running away from me?” He huffed.

 

Mysterion walked away from the ledge towards the Coon, keeping his hands down. “I thought I was being tailed. I didn’t know you wanted to meet me.”

 

“Of course,” he huffed, “We… We need to do something about this new Raising Canes.”

 

“Only your fat ass would care about fried chicken,” Mysterion chuckled.

 

“Raising Canes has CHICKEN TENDERS. NOT FRIED CHICKEN!” The Coon shouted.

 

“It doesn’t matter. I know you had a different reason why you came tonight.” Mysterion turned back and saw the restaurant across the street once more. “Chaos sent you.”

 

The Coon stumbled forward, overlooking the restaurant from the top. “Chaos was supposed to engage in this plan that he built months ago. He and General Disarray were supposed to start that plan tonight.”

 

“I guess I stopped Chaos before he made his plans into reality,” Mysterion said as he turned to Coon.

 

“No,” the Coon said, sitting at the ledge. “You broke Chaos. You permanently defeated him.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Mysterion asked.

 

“Chaos’ base is gone,” the Coon pointed towards the direction of Chaos’ storage bin in the distance. “It’s completely empty.”

 

“Wait what!” Mysterion shouted. He sprinted off the storage bin and jumped off the rooftop. Mysterion ran across the metallic wall and rolled onto the bottom concrete floor, minimizing his fall. He sprinted towards the storage bin that was Chaos’.

 

Once he made it, he ran over to the security box and lifted the glass case. He pressed the numbers of 0-7 in order, hearing the different altercations of “Chaos” shouted by Professor Chaos’ voice. When the alarm cleared, Mysterion ran to the middle and lifted the heavy garage door open.

 

And what he found inside was an empty, cold, and clean storage bin. Nothing was left behind; dust had collected and small specs were be found floating in the air. There was also no light source; no gas generator spotted anywhere. Mysterious pulled out his phone and activated the flash light function, waving the electronic device across the darkness. The phone illuminated only small parts of the room, proving the Coon’s point that Professor Chaos had left.

 

Mysterion walked around the empty space. He rubbed his glove on the metallic folds of the walls, and found his finger prints filled with dust.

 

“No!” Mysterion shouted as he pounded his fist into the wall. “No no no!” Each ‘no’ was followed by loud punches against the metallic walls, spreading the clouds of dust everywhere. Mysterion screamed at the top of his lungs as he landed one last punch on the wall. The sound of that punch echoed across the storage bin, vibrating every little fiber on Mysterion’s uniform.

 

“You see?” The Coon said, entering the space. “Nothing.”

 

“Oh my god,” Mysterion said as he stood up. His hands hurt from punching the walls, but they were nothing in comparison to his heart. “I got to fix this.”

 

“Fix this?” The Coon complained. “Dude, this is the best thing ever!”

 

Mysterion turned around gave the Coon a serious, stern look.

 

“What?” The Coon asked. “Without Chaos, everything is super easy.”

 

“Fuck you Coon,” Mysterion ran past the fat kid and sprinted towards another storage bin wall. He hopped off the wall and grabbed an emergency escape ladder bar, scaling the ladders to the top.

 

Mysterion ran across the storage bins as fast as he can. He jumped over gaps, swung over alley ways, and flew over the streets. Luckily, he didn’t need to go across town, but he had to scale a few houses.

 

“God damn it Mysterion!” The Coon cursed as he ran out of the storage bin. He hated how nimble Mysterion became, but he was glad about one thing. A trail of tears was conveniently leading him to his next destination.

 

* * *

 

Tweek and Craig were now both in Tweek’s bedroom. After realizing the Asian girls weren’t Creekhunt420, the two decided to work together to find out who wrote the fan fiction.

 

They had found a large cork board, large enough to hang pictures of every fourth grader in the center. Using context clues, they were able to eliminate a number of students immediately.

 

The Asian girls were removed, and so were the both of them. Tweek has personally removed the other three LGBT Center’s officers, knowing how busy their lifestyles were. Craig had removed most of the girls as well, knowing that most of the girls had volleyball practice.

 

“Who do we have left?” Craig asked.

 

“We have most of our friends,” Tweek said. “We haven’t asked them about their alibis.”

 

“Damn,” Craig said. “Wait, can you pull up the fiction?”

 

Tweek opened the tab and hit the bookmarked tab labeled fan fiction.

 

“Look,” Craig pointed. “This fan fiction uses some vocabulary words that we learned recently.”

 

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Tweek said, “most of our vocabulary words are common Craig.”

 

“Damn you’re right,” Craig sighed. “This is pointless, we’ll never find the writer of this!”

 

“Sure we will!” Tweek said, placing one small kiss on Craig’s cheek. “We just need to read between the lines.”

 

“Between the lines?” Craig asked.

 

“I’ll show you,” Tweek scrolled down the fan fiction and read over a section.

 

Tweak forgotten that Craig was working with him. Craig has recently asked the Tweaks for a job, and Tweek was tasked of training him. After training and certifying him, the two became a known duo and were a team behind the bar.

 

“What does that have to do with our investigation?” Craig asked.

 

“This person knows how much I hate working at the coffee shop,” Tweek pointed out. “I only told like twelve people how much I hate working there.”

 

“That’s right,” Craig said, handing Tweek the marker. Tweek marked down the rest of the names but eight (because New kid, Kyle, Wendy, and Craig were removed).

 

“So eight people, huh?” Craig asked as he saw the remaining people. “Who do you think it is?”

 

“I don’t know,” Tweek gasped. “I... I’m just scared.”

 

“Scared?” Craig asked. “Why?”

 

“Craig...” Tweek read over the names listed once more. “These eight people... we’re really close to them. Once we find out who wrote this, we’re gonna live with the fact that this person wrote demon fan fiction of us.”

 

“You’re right...” Craig reclined onto Tweek’s pillows behind him. “What do we do?”

 

“I don’t know,” Tweek admitted. “We have to do what’s right.”

 

“Right.”

 

* * *

 

Mysterion jumped over the last building available and used a large fence to scale his fall. He was now beside the new kid’s house and on his way to the next house over: Butters’ house.

 

As Mysterious passed by the new kid’s house, he received a text message.

 

> What are you doing out so late?

 

Mysterion texted back.

 

> I need to find Butters.

 

> NK: Butters isn’t at home. He’s at the airport.

 

Mysterious took a double take.

 

> M: Why the fuck is he at the airport?

 

> NK: His parents thought he needed to go back to Hawaii for some ceremony thing.

 

> M: He told you? And not me?

 

> NK: Do you want me to come with you or not?

 

Mysterion looked to his left and saw the new kid standing at their door step.

 

“Can... can you come with me new kid?” Mysterion asked as he walked to the front door. “Please... it’s urgent.”

 

The new kid opened their arms as Mysterion fell forward, landing in their grasp. They closed their arms together, griping the crying hero as the snow lightly fell that night.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Craig?”

 

Craig turned over to his side, inspecting the blonde next to him. Tweek was facing towards the ceiling, the blanket barely reaching past his torso. His fingers were twitching, and his golden mane of hair was spreading against the pillow.

 

“What Tweek?”

 

“What would you do if I did die?” Tweek asked.

 

Craig whined, “Tweek...”

 

“Craig...” Tweek turned to his right to face Craig. “Please... just tell me?”

 

“Why do you want to know now?” Craig asked.

 

“I... I don’t know...” Tweek sighed. “It’s just... that fan fiction was so... accurate.”

 

“Are you really afraid of a fan fiction?” Craig asked.

 

“I’m not afraid of the fan fiction,” Tweek clarified. “I’m afraid of us being separated.”

 

Craig sat up from his bed spot and hugged Tweek with all his might. Tweek hugged back, sighing in relief as Craig started scratching Tweek’s golden mane.

 

“Tweek...” Craig whispered. The two boys remained in this position for a few minutes, Craig awaiting for Tweek to fall asleep.

 

Craig turned on his phone and opened his pandora app. Thanks to the one year of pandora premium membership, he was able to play a custom radio station that played calming music. He slowly cradled Tweek in his grasp, allowing the music to fill the room with the soft sounds of ocean waves and wind chimes.

 

Tweek was now drowsy as Craig set him back at his bed spot.

 

“Craig...” Tweek whispered. His eyes grew heavy and his vision was starting to blur out. “I love you... good night.”

 

Craig smiled as he heard a small snore coming from Tweek. As he raised the blanket to cover Tweek’s chest, he said in a low voice. “If you’d die... I... I don’t know what I’d do.”

 

He adjusted his position and laid down beside his blonde boyfriend. “I guess... I would sacrifice everything to see you again.”

 

And in Craig’s mind, he continued, “I would die to hear your voice one last time.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid and Kenny, after he changed out of his outfit, got off the wagon and stepped onto the curb.

 

“Thanks Timmy,” Kenny said as he got off the wagon.

 

Ever since Timmy cashed in his Handicar business, other companies like Uber and Lyft had pursued Timmy and his services for advice. Thanks to a contract, Timmy can now provide Uber and Lyft rides for more expensive prices.

 

The new kid rated Timmy five stars and urged Kenny to enter the airport.

 

As the two boys entered the airport, they realized one thing: how the hell will they find Butters?

 

“Do you think Butters is already at the gate?” Kenny asked. “Or maybe he’s already on the airplane? Do you know his flight number?”

 

The new kid pointed over to a set of chairs to reveal the blonde kid crying. Butters sat alone with his suitcase at the seating him. He wore a blue Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and asmall lei around his neck.

 

“Butters!” Kenny shouted. He grabbed the new kid’s hand and dragged them towards where Butters was sat.

 

“Kenny?” Butters said, his face filled with tears. “New kid?”

 

“What happened?” Kenny asked. “Aren’t you going to Hawaii again?”

 

“They-“ Butters sniffled. “They wouldn’t let meeee on the plane…”

 

The two kids watch Butters cry into a small napkin. Kenny raised his arm towards the blonde boy, “Butters, don’t cry-“

 

“I just keep messing things up!” Butters cried. “I can’t even get myself on an airplane again!”

 

The new kid got their phone out and texted Kenny.

 

> Again?

 

“I’ll tell you the story later,” Kenny said to the new kid. Facing Butters, Kenny suggested, “Butters… maybe we should go home…”

 

“Home?” Butters reacted by staring at Kenny directly, staring at his eyes. This was the first time in weeks that Butters stared in Kenny’s green eyes. They reminded him of the green palm trees that he saw in Hawaii for his trial. He remembered how happy he was when he was able to come home after awaiting the US government to reinstate the Mahalo Rewards Card. He was so excited that the whole trial was over and that he could return to the mainland. But something struck that memory in Butters. Something in that memory made him realize how important that day was.

 

And that something was Kenny. Kenny was the one to save the native Hawaiians by providing them ingredients for chi-chis, allowing them to stay strong until the US Government surrendered. Kenny was the one to help Butters when the others simply laughed at him. And that was why Butters liked Kenny; because he had been there for him.

 

And here, Butters replayed that thought over and over in his head. He didn’t even notice how tightly Kenny gripped his arm as Kenny shook him back and forth.

 

“Butters?” He kept calling. Butters simply stared forward, staring at the boy in the orange parka in front of him. The clip of Kenny coming to the hospital a few months ago was now playing in his mind, reminding Butters how Kenny also rescued him against Beelzebub.

 

“Butters?” Kenny called once more. Butters remained still, frozen in place. “New kid? I think I broke Butt-“

 

Butters moved forward and kissed Kenny on his lips, closing his eyes in the process. The new kid’s jaw dropped as Butters arms went to work by touching Kenny’s face, pulling him closer. Kenny was surprised at first, but realized what was happening and closed his eyes as well.

 

They couldn’t lie, but the new kid wished they recorded this moment. They watched as Butters and Kenny disconnected lips and connected back with a hug.

 

“I’m sorry Kenny,” Butters cried. “I… I’m just no good anymor’.”

 

“What are you talking about Butters?” Kenny asked. “You’re a good kid.”

 

“It seems weird that you’re calling me a kid, Kenny,” Butters said.

 

“Well, I can’t call you a good boy. Only male doggos are good bois.”

 

* * *

 

It was the next day of school, and Tweek and Craig were getting tired of the memes.

 

It was nice at first. The art the girls were drawing were at least decent drawings. But now with the memes, most of them didn’t make sense until Clyde explained it.

 

“What the fuck is this?” Craig asked Clyde by presenting the ‘newest meme’ of them on his phone.

 

“Oh my god!” Clyde laughed, “That’s a good one! It’s the Loss meme but with you and Tweek!”

 

“What’s Loss?” Craig asked.

 

“I’ll show you a video later explaining it,” Clyde told him.

 

“I don’t g-get this one,” Tweek told Clyde, waving his phone at him. Clyde scanned over the phone and saw the meme that Tweek screens hotted.

 

“Oh- this one is Loss too.” Clyde pointed out, “See, instead of drawing you and Craig, they only drew yellow, green, blue, and black lines.”

 

“What does that mean?” Tweek asked.

 

“Ummm… You know what?” Clyde considered. “I’ll show both of you later.”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Craig said as he opened his locker. Luckily, Clyde and Craig’s lockers are across from each other, so Clyde walked over to his. As Clyde opened his locker, Craig turned around and saw the post it notes taped on the inside of the Clyde’s locker door.

 

The post it several things on there. One was a QR code that was taped onto the corner; written on the bottom however, were the words:

 

U: CreekHunt420.

P: ILoveCreek69

 

“Dude,” Craig said softly. “DUDE!”

 

“What?” Clyde asked.

 

Craig walked over towards Clyde locker and slammed his fist onto the locker door, swinging it wide open and even hitting the adjacent locker. Tweek watched as Craig removed the post it note, passing it over to the blonde boyfriend.

 

“Clyde is CreekHunt420!” Tweek realized as he read the code.

 

“What?” Clyde asked. “I didn’t tell you guys?”

 

“Didn’t tell us-“ Craig raised his fist. “TWEEK! LET’S KICK CLYDE’S ASS!”

 

“I GOT YOU BABE!” Tweek raised his hands and slowly approached the brunette.

 

“Ummm, guys,” Clyde slowly backed away from the gay couple. “I can fix this…”

 

Clyde ran for his life as Craig and Tweek charged after him.

 

* * *

 

“Fellow parents!” Shelia yelled into the microphone. Once again, the adults were inside the community center of South Park in a town meeting against memes. “For the past week, we’ve seen a grown in memes regarding Tweek and Craig, and their endeavors against the essay written against them.”

 

“We didn’t get an essay,” Craig said to himself and Tweek. “We got a novel from Clyde.”

 

“During this week, we tried to learn these memes and tired to learn what the heck these things are talking about,” Shelia explained. “But alas, we couldn’t understand them. Perhaps we’re just too old to understand memes.”

 

“Nah-ha!” Randy pouted.

 

“Yeah-huh,” Sharron whispered.

 

“We even contacted Professor Lamont,” Shelia explained to the audience. “We asked him about the recent rise of memes in this town. Sadly, though, he was unable to make it to our event due to scheduling issues.”

 

“Uggg,” Eric sighed, “This is taking forever.”

 

“That is why I’m officially declaring memes unbanned from South Park, because at this rate memes are uncontrollable and will forever be in humanity.” Shelia got off the podium as all of the children cheered in the audience.

 

“Wait,” Kyle asked his mother as she got off stage. “Since when were memes banned mom?”

 

“Not now sweetie, mom’s very busy right now.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

_Three days later_

 

The Coon sat in front of the billboard beside the U-Stor-It entrance, watching the last of the construction workers leave the site. He brought out his binoculars and used them to peek across the street, observing the four men talking inside the establishment. He watched as a man in a white shirt stamped a sheet of paper on a clipboard, handing the object to the other two men. The four of them quickly got into a group photo, where a fifth person out of range had taken a flash photo. The Coon knew it to be true, watching the group of adults leave the restaurant.

 

Raising Canes was going to open soon.

 

* * *

 

 

[Clyde's fan fiction](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175343/chapters/35191469)

[Bird Meme](https://negira1239sp.tumblr.com/post/175570029373/heres-an-old-meme-enjoy)

[Expanding Minds Meme](https://negira1239sp.tumblr.com/post/175570042998/heres-another-old-meme-enjoy-again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here are some quick links:
> 
> The fan fiction Clyde wrote is actually the one I've been writing in the Delays in the first season of LGBT Season. Here's a link, or press the automatic one in the end of the chapter above: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175343/chapters/35191469 
> 
> The memes that I've mentioned are on my tumblr @ Negira1239sp. The Loss meme, however, I won't do because I want someone to redraw that with actual Tweek and Craig, and also someone draw the lines in the colors too. Please?
> 
> And finally, thank you for reading! I've been going through stress in my life but here's to another great chapter!


	8. Hell fucking yes I want to BOB my texas toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a year since Raising Canes opened up in South Park. Since then, Eric has been working with the underground fried chicken cartel to find the source of Raising Cane's goodness. But he encounters a new kid in the restaurant. Craig has still been using the Buddha Box, despite the fact that the trend has died down. Stan and Kyle cope with the fact that Stan lives at a farm miles and miles away from him. And, Michael and Mike deal with a new epidemic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who came back after a year of not updating this series?
> 
> So... funny thing. This chapter is the first chapter after not posting since July. The very first season was started on January 5th, and it finished in March. Season 2 started in April, and now... this chapter. Thank you to those who read this series when I first started, and thank you to those who read before I published this chapter. Truth be told, I wouldn't of been writing chapters 8-10 if I didn't see a weekly email from AO3 saying xxx left a kudos. 
> 
> This trilogy- yes a trilogy- is completely planned out. The next two chapters are somewhat written, and it's gonna diverge around this philosophy that I've randomly created. I hope y'all enjoy the tras- I MEAN STORY- that I'm trying to convey.
> 
> I know it's been a while, so if you want, rant to me about how bad my editing and writing is down in the comments. Or @me on tumblr at Negira1239sp. Thanks for reading this spam of an author's note.

It had been one year since Raising Canes opened up in South Park. And during that one year, so many things happened within the town.

 

 

School shootings were happening frequently in the town. The church of the town took a temporary break as the priest started to hang out with Butters. Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo got kicked out of South Park and now lives in Springfield. Randy spontaneously bought a weed farm and defeated the vape industry in South Park. Electric scooters invaded the town near Halloween and practically scarred the town of its incentive of trick or treating. Manbearpig came again- this time resurrected as a Sifter of Faith- and left after a negotiation and not after a superhero fight. Eric Cartman created a fake epidemic of anxiety and made everyone get Buddha Boxes. Amazon made South Park into a company town, the citizens of South Park refueling their hard earned money back into Amazon through prime purchases. And through a last minute effort of rallying with weed, Amazon got driven out and they had their annual bike parade.

 

After all of that passed, the LGBT Center remained the same. The new kid and Wendy spent most of their time at the center. They both worked to keep the place open while the crazy shit of South Park pulled everyone else. Craig and Tweek were at the center with Wendy and the New kid, but once Craig had obtained the Buddha Box, the two of them disappeared from the center just like Kyle.

 

The two remaining officers tried their best to open the center as often as they could. And their efforts planned out as more and more people came and visited the center, thanks to a rather unexpected event.

 

“The PC Babies made a new hit single called ‘Asian Appropriation in the New Medi-Wahhh,’” the random white cisgendered male said at the entrance. “And it made me realize that I haven’t been honing in my 1% ethnicity of my Chinese ancestors enough-“

 

The new kid smacked the man immediately, the result of PC Principal teaching them about microagressions.

 

Wendy laughed as she watched the new kid escort the man off the premises. After spending the last couple of months with the new kid, she started to realize that maybe she didn’t know the new kid- as much as she thought she knew.

 

But faith never works that way- especially the day Kyle walked into the center for the first time in months.

 

* * *

 

Eric shoved the combination of Texas Toast, chicken tender, Cane’s sauce, and French fries down his throat with no effort and no hesitation. The ‘Canes taco,’ as Eric called it, is a piece of Texas toast butterflied into a hotdog-like bun. In the middle, is a small spread of Cane’s sauce, followed by a few long fries and a whole chicken tender. He loved this combination of the food since day one, and now he practically came everyday.

 

In fact, he remembered his first day.

 

 

 

 

 

_Eric was in a state of panic._

 

_It was Sunday morning, and truth be told, the whole town was at the other side of where the Church was. Hell, even Father Maxi was at the other side of town too. Everyone was in line at the parking lot waiting in line for the brand new restaurant that’s opening in South Park. Looking at the town, the new restaurant was across the street from the U-Stor-It, and right next door to the giant lot of the local Ross Dress For Less. Eric felt extremely uncomfortable waiting in line for the grand opening._

 

_“But we need to go to the Grand Opening!” Billy Turner’s voice echoed in his head. He can recall from yesterday the meeting he had with the strange third grader. “We need to find out how good they are against the Colonel!”_

 

_“Do I have to wait in line with you?” Eric asked Billy. “No offense, but you kinda smell.”_

 

_“I, kinda smell?” Billy asked. “I, a kid that showers every day, against you, a kid that showers every other day, think I smell?”_

 

_“Don’t be a fag Billy,” Eric said as his mind brought him back to the present._

 

 

 

_“I don’t feel comfortable being here,” Eric said, his arms crisscrossed on his chest._

 

_“Eric,” Billy warned. “I’d rather be in Church than wait in 80 degree weather for chicken fingers.”_

 

_“You’re the fucker that made the both of us come today instead of church,” Eric said as he brought his phone out. “It’s already 10:30 and the doors aren’t opened yet.”_

 

_“Relax, Eric,” Billy assured him. “We’ll be inside before you know it.”_

 

_And at that moment, the manager and several other members stood outside of the establishment._

 

_After a long speech about challenges and goals, the manager held a pair of red scissors in his hands. “It is my honor to open the first ever Raising Canes, here in South Park!”_

 

_Everyone clapped as the manager cut the red ribbon placed in front of the doors. The ribbon was shipped, the two ends fell to the floor as everyone started to rush to the front._

 

 

 

 

_“Oh god,” Tweek said as he scouted the area. “T-there’s so many people!”_

 

_“Calm down babe,” Craig said, holding his hand. “It’ll be fine.”_

 

_The group of kids, Wendy, the new kid, Kyle, Stan, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token, were all at the end of the line, waiting for the Raising Canes to open._

 

_“Have you guys seen Kenny and Butters?” Stan asked. “They sort of disappeared.”_

 

_“Butters and Kenny went to Hawaii,” Kyle explained. “It turns out, Butters has another Hawaiian ritual thing and Kenny tagged along.”_

 

_“Does that mean we’re getting those stupid letters again?” Stan asked._

 

_“Most likely,” Kyle groaned._

 

_“What letters?” Tweek asked._

 

_“Kenny sent these stupid letters when he was in Hawaii,” Stan explained. “The letters were always weirdly worded and explained too much.”_

 

_“Kenny always uses weird phrases like ‘on the morrow’ and ‘Haveyi,’” Kyle continued. “And then you hear a random sentence like ‘I saw a girl with the biggest boobs today.’”_

 

_“Sounds like Kenny,” Wendy said as she face palmed herself._

 

_“Speaking of letters,” Craig turned over to Clyde. “Where the fuck is my apology letter?”_

 

_“I’m not done with it!” Clyde cried. “Stop spamming me!!!” He whined._

 

_“You’re still writing an apology letter?” Token asked. “For the stupid fan fiction you wrote about them?”_

 

_“It has 10,000 hits,” Clyde cried as he received “playful” punches from Craig. “I didn’t realize how popular it would get!”_

 

_“Guys!” Wendy snapped, “We’re almost nearly the front now. Damn, that was fast.”_

 

_“We’re not even in the building yet,” Token said. “But they are pretty fast.”_

 

_And Token was right. They hadn’t been standing in line for fifteen minutes before they entered the facility._

 

_The inside of Raising Canes was very spacious. There were side booths, middle tables, and a circular bar where the registers were lined up. As the line became smaller and smaller, the kids noticed several things._

 

_“There are so many dog posters,” Stan pointed out._

 

_“They’re pretty okay,” Tweek commented._

> _I LOVE THESE DOGGOS!_

 

_“Doggos?” Wendy asked. “What the heck is a doggo?”_

 

_“A doggo is a dog, Wendy,” Clyde explained. “Like a cat is a Cato. And a bird is a birb. Know your derpy animal slang.”_

> _WHAT A CUTE DOGGO!!!_

 

_“Does anybody else want to receive spam from the new kid?” Kyle asked. “I don’t want to read the word doggo anymore.”_

 

_“Text me new kid!” Clyde offered._

> _LOOK A PUPPER!!!!!!_

 

_“Is a pupper a puppy?” Craig asked, looking at Clyde’s phone._

 

_“Yup,” Clyde answered._

 

_Within minutes, the kids were already at the front of the line. They ordered their food, and paid for it. Within a mere three minutes, their food was ready._

 

_“That was fast,” Wendy said as she grabbed her tray. Soon enough, the eight kids acquired their food (minus Tweek because he’s vegetarian), and sat at a rectangular eight person table._

 

_“Should we dig in?” Kyle asked the group awkwardly._

 

_“Cartman was scared of this chicken,” Tweek said, looking at Craig’s chicken tender. “I don’t know why though- ACH!”_

 

_“Well, I guess we should eat the chicken first?” Token suggested. Everyone, but Tweek, grabbed a chicken tender, and bit into it._

 

_“Holy shit,” Craig cursed. “This is fucking good.”_

 

_“Yeah dude,” Stan agreed. “This is amazing.”_

 

_“Dip it in the Cane’s Sauce!” Clyde shouted. “It tastes so much better!”_

 

_Everyone uncapped the little cup of the orangey-pale Cane’s sauce and dipped part of their eaten chicken tender into it._

 

_“Oh my god,” Stan moaned out as he ate the dipped piece of chicken. “This is amazing.”_

 

_“Today is a good day,” Clyde cries as he continued eating._

> _Did y’all dip the fries into the sauce yet?_

 

* * *

 

Michael gave the tall vampire kid a stare before asking, “Hey, are you coming or not?”

 

Mike was sitting at the park bench that overlooked the waters of Stark’s Pond. Over the year, the two dark haired half brothers spent more time with each other. They went to the Pond to have deep philosophical talks. They go out to restaurants and only order coffee and orange juice. Hell, both of their friend groups even admitted that if they weren’t brothers, they would be dating already.

 

“Where are we going?” He asked as he pulled his phone out.

 

“Raising Canes is open until 10pm,” Michael walked forward and draped his arms over the backboard off the bench from behind. “The other goths wanted to go out.”

 

“Aren’t you guys being hypocrites then?” Mike asked. “I thought trying out new things is a conformist sort of thing.”

 

“You do realize that Raising Canes open over a year ago, right? Plus, Raven said it was really good,” Michael explained. “The new kid and Kyle said it was pretty good too.”

 

“Wait wait wait-“ Mike said as he sat up on the bench. “You said Raven- this boy that I never met that supposedly was goth- said this place was really good?”

 

“You make it sound like that’s the worse thing in the world,” Michael exaggerated. “You still down to go?”

 

“Pass,” Mike said softly. “I’m not really that hungry.”

 

“You said that yesterday when I asked you,” Michael said, his voice a bit more aggressive. “And every time I ask if you wanted to go eat at a restaurant, you decline. But when we do go- and it’s always the Village Inn- you don’t even order food.”

 

“I’m just not hungry...” Mike told him. “I already ate lunch.”

 

“Dude. It’s 6:30 pm.”

 

“I... ate a late lunch?” Mike lied.

 

“Dude. I can tell when you’re lying to me,” Michael said, not this time actually taking a seat on the bench. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Oh. It’s nothing,” Mike shingly reclined. “I just don’t wanna go out and spend money.”

 

“You’re definitely hiding something from me,” Michael said out loud. “Aren’t you?”

 

Mike was hesitant to reply. He really did want to go to Raising Canes- but it wasn’t because he wasn’t hungry.

 

“If you showed me who this Raven person is,” Mike’s eyes fluttered. “I’ll go.”

 

“Fine,” Michael grunted. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

“Wait- are you serious?” Mike watched as Michael stood up from where he was sitting. “You knew I was kidding right-“

 

“You kept pestering me about Raven so goddamn much that I just-“ Michael gripped his right fist, his veins showing in his skinny arm. “I’m kinda sick of it. I just- I just want to rip the thing out like a bandaid. You coming or what?”

 

Mike smiled as he followed along his half-brother. As they started to encounter the city streets away from the local dirt paths, Mike felt his stomach rumble in pain.

 

* * *

 

In Billy Turner’s basement, there were fifteen kids inside a sealed containment tent.

 

The on-sight containment tent was set up by Eric Cartman, who was now sitting inside. The ventilation of the tent was set up by some other kids that Cartman barely knew- but he didn’t care. The real reason why they were all in here was right in front of them.

 

“We ran the analysis,” a boy said as he pointed towards a monitor. The monitor was now showing a Raising Cane’s chicken tender zoomed in through a telescope at x4 magnification. “There’s no artificial drugs. No illegal substances. It’s just breaded chicken, sir.”

 

“Breaded chicken my ass!” Eric shouted as he stormed over to the table. “You mean to tell me that there is a legitimate restaurant that could actually compete with KFC?”

 

“What about Churches?” Another kid asked.

 

“Churches tastes like cat shiet!” Eric cursed out loud. He then took a small breath and spoke back in his calmly manner. “We need to find out the secret of why this tastes the way it does. How’s it coming with the Cane’s sauce?”

 

“We found no illegal substances either,” the girl reported. “We even tried to recreate the recipe, but none of us had gotten it yet!”

 

“We need to find out as soon as we can!” Eric yelled out loud, snapping at the boy sitting behind the desk.

 

“Eric.... my boy,” Billy stood up from his desk and walked around the wooden table. “Are you... conflicted?”

 

“Conflicted?” Eric asked.

 

“That something tasted as good as KFC?” Billy asked. “That some company can produce a produce as superior as the Colonel? That doesn’t require the use of drugs to please customers?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eric lied.

 

“Go home Eric...” Billy sadly said as he turned towards his employees sieving the chicken. “Come back here if you know you’re on our side.”

 

* * *

 

The new kid was a little scared to enter the princpal’s office. They had scheduled a meeting beforehand to talk about scheduling a fundraiser and for permission to advertise on school grounds. But then it turned into the new kid waiting outside of the door holding a box of 100 diapers.

 

“You can come in,” PC Principal’s voice came from behind the door. The new kid opened it and got to the seat in front of the desk, leaving the present on the floor.

 

“I understand you’re have some questions regarding a fundraiser and for advertising permissions?” PC Principal’s right hand had its middle and index finger in a V formation stabbing the table.

 

The new kid waited, their blank answer providing enough context to why he came,

 

“...makes sense,” PC Principal shrugged off. “Okay, well first I just need to make sure that you have all the proper forms filled out and-“

 

A loud bang can be heard against the wall. Then some distinctive shouting from Strong Woman followed shortly, along with numerous baby cries.

 

PC Principal faced the new kid, and continued. “Excuse me for a second.” He got up and walked past where the new kid sat.

 

_“What the hell just happened?”_

 

_“The babies are throwing a fit because they heard on the news that Aquaman made 1 billion dollars box office only because Jason Momoa is slightly Asian and it resonates with the Chinese population,”_ Strong Woman can be heard fumbling with something, presumably one of the babies. _“They’re crying because despite the fact that Jason Momoa is Polynesian, it has nothing to do with the Chinese population going to watch the movie.”_

 

_“I’m having a meeting with the new kid right now- can you get them to quiet up for a little bit?”_ PC Principal can be heard moving around. The new kid assumes that the principal is helping the vice principal move her babies. _“I can come help you after that.”_

 

After a minute, PC Principal came back to his office. The new kid was still sitting at the chair in front of the desk, waiting.

 

“I’m sorry that took so long,” PC Principal sat at his chair. “So where were we?”

 

The new kid handed him the numerous papers that they filled out. Most of them were papers Wendy had filled out, but all of them were signed by the two. PC Principal looked at them thoroughly and placed them aside after.

 

“Great. So I’ll go get you two volunteers by this Friday, and you can submit the other form by then,” PC Principal looked at the new kid, who stared blankly at them. “What?”

 

The new kid sat still. Remaining motionless at the authority figure in front of them.

 

“What about the Vice Principal?” PC Principal asked.

 

The new kid sat still. Remaining motionless at the authority figure in front of him.

 

“She’s a strong, independent woman who has five kids,” PC Principal said with no hesitation. “She can do whatever she wants to do.”

 

The new kid’s eye brow raised at the sound that.

 

“Strong Woman is the proud mother of five, beautiful, PC babies that-“ PC Principal slammed both of his hands at his desk. “Are you accusing me of something?”

 

The new kid raised a brow and pointed at the room next to them.

 

“What? You think that I have something to do with the PC babies?” PC Principal asked, his tone becoming more serious and stern. “You think that I- PC Principal- took advantage of my coworker and submitted her to raising a family?”

 

The new kid sat still. Remaining motionless at the authority figure in front of them.

 

“What gives you the right to accuse me like that?” PC Principal was now infuriated with the new kid. He stood prominently behind his desk, his hands now red and flexed with veins and muscle. “I’ll tell you what- how does two weeks of detention sound?”

 

The new kid pointed towards the room beside theirs, and then pointed to PC Principal.

 

“Fuck!” PC Principal punched his desk, leaving a giant hole at the dead center of the table. “Now you know my secret. What do you want now?”

 

The new kid shook their head no.

 

“Huh?” PC Principal was confused. “What do you mean?”

 

The new kid stared blankly at the principal. Remaining motionless at the authority figure in front of them.

 

“You mean to tell me you know all along, this whole time?” PC Principal asked. “And you never once got disgusted by that?”

 

The new kid shook their head no.

 

“And you never told anybody about us?”

 

The new kid shook no, and pointed towards the box of diapers they brought in for him.

 

“Well goddamn,” PC Principal sighed, “I’m really glad that I can share something like this with another person. Now let’s continue with these forms.”

 

And within the next ten minutes, the new kid was able to clear out the next Friday for the fundraiser. They were to hold an assembly this week’s Friday, explaining what will go down, and they have clearance to advertise around the school.

 

The new kid held the Manila folder tightly in their hands as they made their way towards the LGBT center. Wanting to return to the center as fast as they can, the new kid simply walked around the block.

 

And that’s when the attack happened. A teenager- from the looks of it- initiated the battle sequence, forcing the new kid to fight them. The teenager seemed to resemble more of a knight. The helmet’s face guard was on, but the new kid could see the face structures around the face to identify the attacker as male- with somewhat long, dark hair as well.

 

Holding his arm out, directing his palm at the new kid, the teenager launched the first attack. The hand glowed green before the energy distributed into a physical barrier. The teenager shouted, “E!” And sent the green light panel towards the new kid’s direction.

 

The new kid jumped out of the way as the green barrier pushed its way across the street. It hit a street light’s pole and knocked the entire metal structure down. The lightbulb on the top of the pole sparked as it hit the curb.

 

With the summer camp over six months prior, the new kid had unlocked the final girl abilities and had revised their skill set. Now, the moves the new kid had were the Hammer Bomb, Root Burst, and the Dire Shroud; their ultimate ability is the Netherborn’s Ultimate form.

 

The new kid moved closer to the sidewalk before sending a burrow of violent roots towards the attacker. The roots barely managed to pierce their dark cape as they managed to jump out of the way. Another green panel zoomed towards the new kid as they shouted another, “E!”

 

The new kid used the dire shroud on themselves, a light protective shield appearing over them as the green barrier smashed directly into their space. The barrier shattered like glass upon impact, the shards exploding into different directions. The attacker’s took this opportunity to create a smoke screen.

 

Smoke slowly covered the street as the fight continued. The new kid continued sending roots, using their thick membranes and speed to clear out the smoke. The attacker continued dodging the attacks. They sent several green panels at the new kid and the ground.

 

Once the smoke cleared, the attacker sent another green panel towards the new kid. Aiming their hand at the new kid, the green energy materialized into a glass square in front of them.

 

The new kid smirked as they slammed both hands on the ground, summoning a barrage of roots towards the attacker.

 

The attacker jumped over the roots and aimed their hand at the new kid. They were about to release, but noticed something in the sky. A hammer was descending down from the clouds; a small explosive device attached to the head of the hammer. They shot the panel upward instead, blasting the green barrier towards the hammer. The impact of the glass barrier was so powerful against the hammer, the glass shattered in the sky. The attacker braved themselves as the hammer still fell and hit them at their right shoulder.

 

The new kid slammed their hands again and used their roots to attack the perpetrator. The roots were able to deal a large amount of damage on the attacker. So much so, the attacker stumbled and fell down.

 

Before the new kid can walk over, the sound of a honk made the new kid jump to the side. The gray, silver pickup truck swerved in a circle on the street, stopping at the other side of the street. The attacker jumps into the trunk of the pick up truck, sparring no lost second as the truck drove away. The new kid grunted as they stood up and walked over to the sidewalk.

 

_What the hell is going on?_

 

* * *

 

“Craig?”

 

“Hehehe.”

 

“Craig?” Tweek extended the ‘G’ as he called for his attention.

 

“Hehehe.”

 

“Goddamn it Craig!” Tweek slapped his right hand on Craig’s thigh. The black haired boy screamed in pain, but was muffled by the Buddha Box. Craig lifted the box out of his head, his angry eyes staring at the blonde.

 

“What the hell Tweek!” Craig shouted as he rubbed his leg through his pants. “That fucking hurts!”

 

“I was calling for you for the past five minutes!” Tweek screamed back. “We were supposed to go to the LGBT Center together an hour ago and I was waiting for you to come get me! Now we’re hella late for the meeting!”

 

“What are you talking about the meeting is on Monday at 5,” Craig replied. The two were in Craig’s room, the door wide opened due to Tweek barging in. “It’s like 2:30 right now.”

 

“The fuck are you talking about it is 6 pm you dipshit!” Tweek lifted his phone, emphasizing his point with the phone’s clock. “And we’re an hour late for a meeting!”

 

“Holy shit Tweek!” Craig immediately jumped from his bed, landing at the floor on his two feet. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

 

“You fucking put ‘Do not Disturb’ on you fucker!” Tweek shouted back, watching Craig fumble some shoes on. “Buddha Box has ‘Do not Disturb’ on default you have to turn that setting off!”

 

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Craig grabbed his blue backpack, and found it empty of his stuff.

 

“Don’t even bother Craig,” Tweek said. “I called Wendy earlier and she said we’ll have it tomorrow.”

 

“You’re lying!” Craig accused Tweek. “You sure?”

 

“The new kid got sidetracked by something,” Tweek said. “They said tomorrow.”

 

“Oh thank god,” Craig dumped the backpack on the floor. “Wait- you tell me this now? In the middle of me panicking?”

 

“Craig,” Tweek signed. “The problem isn’t about me not telling you. It’s the Buddha Box.”

 

“Oh god not this shit again,” Craig slumped into his chair, his shirt riding up behind him as the back of the chair caught onto the fabric.

 

“Craig! This Buddha box is ruining your life!” Tweek lifted up the box from the bed, looking inside the contraption. “You missed fourteen days of school from this thing ever since you got it! And you missed so many events with our friends!”

 

“How the hell am I supposed to go to deal with my anxiety then?” Craig asked back.

 

“You don’t have fucking anxiety! I have fucking anxiety!” Tweek placed the box on the bedside. “I can’t believe you! Ever since this box was first on your head, you’ve changed!”

 

“Tweek, I-“

 

“It’s not fair to everyone that you just shut yourself out of the world!” Tweet shouted. “People need and depend on you but now that you have this box on your head you’re just avoiding everyone! Are you avoiding me?”

 

“No, I’m-“

 

“And that’s not all!” Tweek’s blue eyes began to water. “Craig,.. You completely missed our anniversary.”

 

The realization hit Craig harder than Manbearpig killing him last year.

 

“Craig.” Tweek stared at his eyes. His deadpanned blue eyes met with black eyes staring back. “You’ve- you’ve changed over the past few weeks. Lately... I started wondering if I was dating a boy who says ‘fuck you’ to life, or a boy who just hides in a box all day.”

 

Craig watched quietly as Tweek turned towards the door. The blonde left the silent bedroom, the look on Tweek’s eyes mirrored a silent lake.

 

_No motion. No life._

 

 

_Nothing._

 

 

* * *

 

Stan and Kyle laughed as they played on the switch. Playing Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, they downloaded the brand new DLC character- the Piranha Plant- and started playing online together. With team battles and friendly fire off, the two went to work with finishing off online players.

 

But once the skies turned dark, Stan stood up at the end of their round.

 

“Damn, it’s already dark, huh?” Stan stretched his arms straight up, the slight sounds of back cracking filled the room. “I have to go soon.”

 

“Why don’t you stay the night?” Kyle asked. “I’m sure my mom would be okay with it.”

 

“I can’t,” Stan replies. “It’s a school night. Plus, my dad became anal about staying out too long.”

 

“Dude, this sucks,” Kyle poured as he placed the controller on the ground. “It takes you a whole hour to get home. And the LGBT Center has been picking up a lot of work lately. This fucking sucks.”

 

“I’m just as mad as you are Kyle,” Stan said. “When my dad bought the farm, I was completely mad too.”

 

“But...” Kyle started to wipe the incoming tears in his eyes with his right sleeve. “I just want to hang out with you more. You’re my best friend! I can’t just not be there for you! I know I’m in the LGBT Center a lot and you know how much I like the new kid and-”

 

“I know Kyle,” Stan wrapped his arms around the red head sitting on the floor. “I know...”

 

The two boys continued their firm hug with each other for another few minutes until Kyle’s mother called the boys over. Talking with Sharon at the front door, the two mothers talked about small inconveniences about the new incomings of the town. They would of talked longer if Sharon didn’t have to pick Shelly up. The two boys gave one more hug to each other before Stan and Sharon left.

 

Stan stared out the car window, overseeing their old house. The house was recently bought by another family that had just moved into the town. Almost no one made an effort to talk to them- to everyone, they had just mysteriously moved in. The boy sighed as the car started moving. The once friendly street and neighborhood slowly faded away, the presence of trees and marijuana plants slowly coming into scenery.

 

Kyle sat alone in his bedroom. Holding the blue joy con that Stan held, the boy’s eyes started to water once again.

 

_If distance was only a number, then why is it harder to get over that than love?_

 

* * *

 

The next day, Eric found himself outside of Raising Canes once again. The design of the building mirrored every other Raising Canes in the US- the same sports, southern vibe was still present inside the building.

 

Today, Eric came to the establishment alone. Billy had told him that he was busy with his father today, something about quality time with his only parent. Eric shrugged off that bullshit, because what does quality time mean when a parent is involved?

 

Eric ordered his usual order: two caniac combos with an extra sauce, 2 extra Texas toasts, and an extra set of fries. He made sure to use the rewards card he had gotten the first day and made sure that he was getting credited a visit. Another few visits could give him some free food, so why not?

 

As Eric brought his tray filled with food to an empty table for two by the window, he made sure to fill his drink with the sweet tea and to get four ketchups. He brought the tray down to the table, and pulled out his iPad and placed it on the other side.

 

“That’s sure looks nice,” a voice said in front of him. “Watching Netflix and eating canes sure is a godsend.”

 

“Who the fuck are you?” Eric alluded to the kid standing in front of him. The kid was definitely from out of town from his accent. He, a cisgender male Cartman assumed, had black, short hair covered by the Raising Canes cap and black eyes. His skin was quite tanned for a Caucasian, but his skinny frame says it all. The kid wore a pair of jeans and an employee shirt to his size. The shirt was tucked in, and a brown leather belt could be seen to show how tight it wraps around his waist.

 

“My name is Todd,” the kid introduces himself, “And I’m the son of the owner here.”

 

Eric’s eyebrow perked up. “Really?”

 

“Yup,” the kid popped the last ‘p.’ “I barely just moved here, actually.”

 

“Why is that?” Eric said as he moved his iPad out of the way of vision. Todd took this as initiative and sat at the other seat of the table.

 

“I used to live closer South- Louisiana,” Todd’s eyes never once left Eric’s face, the smaller boy giving him his full attention. “But my mother died from cancer. That’s why I moved here with my dad- he’s the store owner and manager.”

 

“That sucks,” Eric said, not really caring as he made his Raising Canes taco.

 

“That’s a pretty smart idea,” Todd said, watching him make the Raising Canes taco. “But spreading the sauce on the bun first makes the fries and chicken not crispy if you leave it for long.”

 

“Huh?” Eric asked, now curious.

 

“Damn, you got the normal toast,” Todd said, examining his food. “You can ask for BOB’d Texas toast - buttered on both sides. That makes it a little crispier for a bite.”

 

“What the fu-“

 

“And,” Todd interrupted, “You can also ask for extra crispy chicken and fries. They might actually not be crispier- due to the amount of time it takes to get it from the drier to you- but it’s a lot fresher than you think.”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Eric put down the taco he invented, and just sighed. “I’ve been doing Canes wrong this whole time.”

 

“Not everyone knows the secrets,” Todd chuckled. “You can also ask for a buttered roll instead of the Texas Toast. And we do actually have honey mustard sauce too. Freshly made everyday.”

 

“Honey mustard-“ Eric said in surprise. “Where the fuck have you been in my life?”

 

Todd’s cheeks slightly blushed. “Well- thank you I guess?”

 

“Ugg,” Eric stared at his order. “I guess I have to eat all of this to not waste it.”

 

“I can hook you up with a Bob’d Texas Toast if you wanna try it,” Todd said, holding what appears to be a small plastic paper. “I ripped this out of your cup earlier. It’s a free Texas toast that you won.”

 

“Hell fucking yes I want to BOB my Texas Toast.”

 

* * *

 

The LGBT officers arrived at Raising Canes a few hours after Eric left. Having concluded their meeting in regards to the fundraiser, the kids decided to stop by the infamous chicken restaurant.

 

After ordering the generic box combos, the five kids sat together at a large, six person table. It was a little strange, however, that the couple sat with a seat inbetween each other. The awkwardness can be detected everywhere as both Tweek and Craig have been avoiding each other. They have at least some level of decency to work as professionals through the meeting- however, Tweek was very angry that Craig brought the Buddha box.

 

“I’m going to the restroom,” Tweek suddenly said as he got up and left.

 

Craig sighed as he started to eat some fries. “And there he goes again.”

 

“I would ask what happened,” Wendy said as she picked up the fork for her cole slaw, “but based on context clues, we don’t need an explanation.”

 

“Do you guys think this is my fault?” Craig asked, “or do you think this is Tweek over reacting again?”

 

None of the three other officers gave an answer as they started eating their chicken.

 

“Fine,” Craig said, fed up. “Fuck all of you.” The boy got his Buddha box and mounted it on his head.

 

The three sat in silence for a few seconds, before Kyle started another conversation. “Hey Wendy,” the red head asked, “Why did you two break up again?”

 

Wendy sighed, “It- it just didn’t work out. Stan lives an hour away at a weed farm, so it’s super hard to schedule anything. Plus, the center literally takes my time when half of the officers are gone.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kyle slumped in his chair. “I just wanted to spend more time with him.”

 

“Oh don’t be,” Wendy smiled. “You have a better chance than I ever did tbh.”

 

The new kid nodded in agreement.

 

“Wait, what are you-“ Kyle was about to continue, but saw Stan standing outside with his family. “Oh hey it’s Stan!”

 

And then there were two.

 

“Have you found anything about your attacker?” Wendy asked.

 

The new kid nodded no. After being attacked, the new kid ran over to the LGBT Center before calling the police. Ever since their Freedom Pals interaction at the police station, they never trusted the South Park police after that. That’s why they always tried to pair up before calling them.

 

“Did anything ring out of the blue?” Wendy asked, trying to fill the empty void of the conversation.

 

_The attacker’s attacks resembled Issac from Final Fantasy._

 

Wendy looked at her phone in confusion. “What’s final fantasy?”

 

_Remember the palm dude from smash? The assist trophy that pushes a giant palm?_

 

“So the attacker’s attacks resembled pushing a giant green hand?” Wendy asked.

 

_They pushed a flat green glass plate and shouted ‘E!’ A lot._

 

“That sounds like that one meme,” Wendy brought up. “Remember Lord Farquad with Markiplier’s face?”

 

The new kid suddenly shook into realization. The attacker’s long and bushy hair did resemble the meme. Their fatter face resembled Mark’s face. And not to mention, the ‘E.’

 

_Holy shit. I’m being attacked by memes._

 

“Physically,” Wendy pointed out, “You mean-“

 

“Craig!”

 

The two other kids at the table stopped to see an angry Tweek staring at the Buddha Box. Tweek’s hair was fluttered in all different directions, his fists clammed up and his eyes puffy from irritation.

 

 

 

“Hey Stan!” Kyle greeted. The Marsh’s were in line to order.

 

“Hey Kyle,” Stan greeted back. “Is your family here?”

 

“No,” he replied back. “I’m here with the LGBT Center. Why what’s up?”

 

“You didn’t come home after your meeting so I was sitting at your dining room table alone with your mom,” Stan said in a monotone voice.

 

“Oh...” Kyle had completely forgot that they planned to play some video games after the meeting. “I’m sorry Stan, I-“

 

“Dad,” Stan didn’t look towards his father, his eyes stuck on the floor below. “Can you get me a box combo? I’m gonna go talk to Kyle outside.”

 

“Oh,” Randy shrugged. “Okay.”

 

Kyle followed the quiet Stan out the doors of the restaurant. They both took a seat at a table outside at one of the circular tables. The night sky was settling in. Clouds were starting to float over the town; covering the starry night with white. Winds were starting to flow in, but no one seemed phased by them.

 

“Stan, why are you mad at me?” Kyle asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

Stan remained silent for a few seconds to think. “It’s…”

 

“Is it because we don’t spend as much time together as we used to?” Kyle blatantly asked.

 

“Kyle…” Stan scrunched himself, his hands in his pockets and his legs crossed. “I miss hanging out with you. And Kenny. And everyone. I miss being us four- with fatass. I miss… I just miss the old days.”

 

“Stan, we did the bike parade, and-“

 

“Kyle,” Stan’s serious stare seem to strike Kyle’s soul. “When I got shot, and I was in a cast. You said you would hang out with me and not go to Clyde’s party. And then you did.”

 

“Stan, your parents said that you couldn’t go to the party anyways. Plus, everyone was going.”

 

“And then you and Eric went and exploded a vape store without me.”

 

“What does that have to do with-“

 

“My dad was there!” Stan shrieked. “You know how bored I am at my room in the farm? You can only do so much until you have nothing left to do.”

 

“But Stan,” Kyle brought out, “You still had Ike’s vape pen. We forgot about that.”

 

“And remember Mr. Hankey?” Stan reminded him. “You just left me to help him- and then the whole town banned him.”

 

“Stan,” Kyle interrupted, “You can’t just pin-“

 

“Don’t bother Kyle,” Stan’s voice was slightly muffled by the collar of his jacket. “I can tell how much you want to help everyone. Every time something happens in this town, you just have to get involved with it.”

 

“I just want to know what’s going on!” Kyle loudly exclaimed. “Remember Chinpokomon? I was literally the last one to find out about everything! You know how hard it was to change myself to keep up with new information faster?”

 

“And you know what repercussions come out of that?” Stan shouted louder, and even slammed his palms on the table. “Kyle, I admit that some things were my fault. But you know how much I hate sitting back and watching you become your mother?”

 

“Why does everyone say that?” Kyle asked. “And I am not becoming my mom!”

 

“Everyday you’re becoming your mom and it hurts me because I miss you!” Stan cried, “And every time I hang out with you I just see your mom and it hurts!”

 

“Stan...” Kyle said in a surprised state.

 

There was only silence between them, the wind flowing faintly throughout the night.

 

 

 

“Craig! What the fuck!” Tweek grabbed the Buddha Box by its sides and shook it violently, screaming loudly as the boy’s head inside was shouting back. The action was enough for Craig to fall from his seat to the ground.

 

“Tweek what the fuck!” Craig shouted back.

 

“Craig Tucker what did I say about that box?” Tweek angrily shouted back.

 

“Stop doing this shit!” Craig shouted, now standing back up. Everyone inside Raising Canes was now looking at them- even the employees. “Why are you always on my side about the Buddha Box?”

 

“Because that box has been nothing but dangerous to you!” Tweek screamed back. “You’re friends and family worry about you Craig!”

 

“It’s not my fault I have anxiety to the point I need the Buddha Box!” Craig cried back. “It’s hard to cope with the outside world sometimes!”

 

“I know it’s hard!” Tweek screamed loudly, eyes starting to water. “Because that was me too.”

 

Craig dropped silent as he stared at the blonde boy in front of him. Tweek’s blue eyes were almost blood shot. His pale white skin now turning an irritated red.

 

“I used to be so afraid of everything,” Tweek admitted. “But then I met you, and you kept me safe from everything.”

 

Memories from the previous years flashed in Craig’s mind. He could recall moments from important battles when he stood in front of everyone and flipped everyone off, creating a perfect shield and casting perfect protection. But as more recent memories showed, he realized he would only shield Tweek with his middle finger.

 

“And now I’m here thinking, how can I be safe if the only person I love is stuck in a box?” Tweek darted his eyes from Craig as he turned away. Turning towards the door, ignoring all of the customers that we’re looking at their conversation, Tweek said one last time. “I would say don’t get your head stuck in your ass, but it seems like you got it stuck else where.”

 

Tweek left Raising Canes and sprinted home. With the new kid and Wendy following behind him, Craig was left alone inside the restaurant.

 

 

 

“I think we shouldn’t be friends anymore.”

 

Kyle looked to his best friend, tears filling up his eyes. “Stan... why Stan?”

 

“You hang out with everyone more than me anyways,” Stan sighed. “Plus, I can’t see your face anymore without thinking of your mom.”

 

Kyle’s heart almost broke in two as Stan got up from the table.

 

“Good bye Kyle,” Stan’s face filled with tears and sadness. “See you in school... I guess.”

 

 

 

_Stan did not show up to school the next day._

 

* * *

 

“2 Box combos. 2 sweet teas.” Michael handed the credit card over to the cashier, who swiped it with no questions.

 

Mike watched as the goth kid get the two meal sets and bring it over to their table. He even went to the condiment section and grabbed their two teas and a set of napkins.

 

“Here you go,” Michael sat at the opposite side of the table, immediately sipping his sweet tea. He coughed a little, explaining to Mike, “Sorry. My body is so used to drinking coffee that drinking other liquids feels foreign to me.”

 

Mike chuckled at the joke and grabbed his drink and laughed, “mood.” The vampire kid took a small sip, and immediately started coughing. Michael admitted he was a little afraid as Mike turned a shade paler.

 

“Sorry,” Mike coughed. “Usually drink orange juice and strawberry daiquiris. Not sweet tea.”

 

“Maybe we should of stuck with water...” Michael said as he picked up a piece of chicken.

 

“Next time,” Mike nervously laughed, picking up his own chicken piece.

 

The two boys dinked their chickens and Michael takes the first bite. Mike follows shortly after opening the Cane’s sauce, and the two complete their meal within thirty minutes.

 

“I’m gonna go pee,” Mike announced, excusing himself. “I’ll be right back.”

 

Michael waked him off and watched as the kid went to the restroom.

 

 

 

And he followed him.

 

Michael tiptoed slowly as he entered the bathroom. With only two toilets and one urinal, it was obvious to see that Mike had chosen the biggest, handicap stall. The door was locked, but Michael can see from below and from the small pockets the black shoes and jeans on the floor.

 

But why was Mike’s knees on the ground-

 

“BLLLLLUGGGGGGGGG!”

 

The sound of vile and vomit could be heard splashing against the water in the toilet bowl. Michael quietly entered the neighboring stall door and jumped onto the toilet seat. Standing strategically on the toilet seat to where his legs are spread, he stood tall enough to look over the wall.

 

Mike had his bang pinned against the back of his head as he continued to vomit more. His fake vampire fangs were in his hand as more vile cane from his body. In his other hand, he had two fingers covered in saliva. Michael watched grotesquely as Mike stuck the two fingers in his throat, watching the poor skinny kid conjure more vomit into the toilet.

 

 

 

Michael rushed to the table and gulped the entire sweet tea in one go. Grabbing the now empty cup, he filled up the cup with pure water and gulped that too.

 

Questions were filling his head as he paced around, waiting for the water to fill up the cup a second time. _How long was he bulimic? Why didn’t he tell me? How long is he planning to hide this from me?_

 

And then Mike left the bathroom, now visible in his sight.

 

_How long do I lie to him that I know?_

 

“Hey Michael,” he greeted as he got back to the table. “I put my fangs back on- they kinda act as my retainer now.”

 

“Let’s go,” Michael abruptly stood up.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Let’s go.” Michael gave a stern look at Mike before he left the front door. The vampire kid rushed to throw the remains of his meal away before leaving. Mike had never seen this side of Michael before- he was never the mad one in the relationship, so this was all new to him.

 

Mike had to sprint after Michael after they left Raising Canes. The boy had no idea why the older was so... out of it. “Hey Michael! Slow down!”

 

 

Michael couldn’t slow down. So many thoughts and ideas were rushing to his head. So many possible answers and questions filled the mind to the brim. As the two boys made it to the end of the Ross Dress for Less parking lot, Mike finally caught up to the goth boy.

 

 

“Chill out dude!” Mike wheezed. “We’re- we’re out of there.”

 

“Mike.”

 

“Seriously Michael,” Mike was so out of breath he almost fell to the ground if it wasn’t for the bus bench. “What’s going on dude?”

 

Michael turned around quietly, looking at the pale, skinny boy sitting at the bus bench. His body slowly sat down at the other end, but his eyes stared only at the street in front of him.

 

“Michael,” Mike breathes, “What’s going on?”

 

“Mike,” Michael turned his head to reveal tears coming form his eyes. The water droplets drip over the baggy eyes and land directly on the wooden bench. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Tell you what?” Mike asked, now a little confused at the situation.

 

Michael took a deep breath before unleashing the beast that is the question.

 

 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were bulimic?”

 

 

 

For the first time in this world, Mike couldn’t bring up and answer. Instead of a verbal response, the boy’s body shuttered. Before he knew it, he was running.

 

“Mike!” Michael screamed after the running boy. The boy quickly vanished. Only the foot prints in the snow showed. “Mike!”

 

The goth boy followed the tracks around town. But luck was not on his side as the clouds began to roll in.

 

* * *

 

Something didn’t feel right about today. There was an ominous breeze in the snowy air. The skies were cloudy, the atmosphere seemed gray. Eric was hesitant to get out of bed today. It was days like these that made Eric believe today something eventful would happen.

 

School seemed to appear normal as usual. The teacher was nagging the whole day. The food was still shitty. Nothing seemed unusual about today.

 

Eric grabbed his backpack and closed the door to his locker. Today was a free day for him. He was gonna head home and play on Kingdom Hearts 3. Nothing else was gonna happen today.

 

“Hey Eric,” a kid said behind him.

 

Eric turned around and saw Billy behind him.

 

“I heard a little rumor,” Billy said in his sinister voice. “That you’ve stopped eating at KFC.”

 

“That’s not true Billy,” Eric started walking towards the exit of the school. “I love KFC more than Raising Canes.”

 

“That’s funny,” Billy stepped forward in front of him, holding a sheet of paper. “Then I guess this credit card bill with no KFC purchases within the last month under Eric Cartman is fake.”

 

Eric made a mad sprint towards the exit. Clutching his backpack, the boy ran out of the school as fast as he could.

 

“Get him!” Billy Shiites, pointing towards Eric Cartman.

 

Eric got his phone out and opened the e-scooter app. Picking the scooter just ahead, he initiated the purchase and jumped onto the vehicle. Within seconds; he was riding as fast as he could.

 

And not too long after, he was getting chased by four other kids (along with Billy) on e-scooters. Driving the scooters around the entire town and main streets, Eric tried to avoid them. Dodging thrown rocks, stick swings, and projectile trash, Eric maneuvered his way over to his house.

 

But he was too late. There were three kids stationed at his front door. Even his home wasn’t safe.

 

 

 

And then he remembered the one safe place he can go to. Pushing the e-scooter to the limit, Eric rode his way over to Raising Canes.

 

 

 

Todd was sweeping the main area of the restaurant when he heard the whirl of electric scooters. He had just gotten back from school, and he was about to help his father sweep the restaurant when he heard the scooters outside. He ran towards the nearest window towards the parking lot, and watched.

 

Eric Cartman has just ditched his scooter and was now running towards the entrance of the restaurant. Running up the step and towards the front entrance, Todd watched the fat kid run through the front door.

 

“I need to hide!” Eric shouted. “Can I hide in the back?”

 

“No!” Todd shouted. “Just hide at the back booth. I’ll cover you!”

 

Eric ran past the skinny and frail boy and dived towards the back velvet seats. Moments later, a squad of about nine kids entered the store. None of them looked dangerous, but that doesn’t mean they could be.

 

“What brings y’all here?” Todd asked, holding his broom as if he was gonna sweep.

 

“Have you seen Eric?” Billy asked.

 

“Who’s Eric?” Todd asked.

 

“The fat kid who tacos his food,” another kid answered.

 

“Oh! You mean the guy who likes KFC more,” Todd remembered. “I saw him ditch his scooter outside, but I didn’t see him run into here.”

 

“Thanks kid,” Billy said, leading the eight other kids outside.

 

Once the nine kids were gone, Eric had gone out of hiding. Eric was covered in sweat. From the physical exercise, he was almost pale and completely out of breath.

 

“I’ll go get you some water,” Todd sighed.

 

“Th-thank you.” Eric sat down on the nearest velvet seats and immediately knocked out.

 

* * *

 

Mike realized that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

He had gotten _lost._

 

After Michael asked about him being bulimic, he just ran off. His body just compulsively agitated itself to sprint. The boy just kept running and running. Even after running through the woods, Mike just kept running and running.

 

By the time he made it to the outskirts of South Park, his body gave up. Snow had just started falling, and night had just settled in. Mike plunged face first below the leaves of a beautiful oak, its tall leaves offering him protection against the falling snow.

 

His body wouldn’t move anymore. His throat was dry and solid; his limbs feeling numb from the cold. Or was that the malnutrition?

 

Mike whispered one last prayer before falling unconscious.

 

— — — — — — — — — —

 

“Piranha Plant!” The speaker of the switch boomed. Stan picked the character and waited for the loading screen. And then he picked the spirits for the round. And finally, he pressed play.

 

And the boss he would be playing against was a Sonic with the Rayman spirit. It was a stamina battle, meaning Stan would have to dock the opponent’s HP to zero.

 

Stan sighed as he played on his switch. He had finally come around to playing the Adventure mode of the game. He had unlocked all the characters already, but now he just had to play the adventure mode.

 

In his mind, a familiar redhead reminded him that they unlocked all the characters.

 

_No!_ Stan mentally slapped himself. _Stop thinking about him! You can finally play the damn adventure mode._

 

The Sonic was defeated easily due to the Piranha Plant spiking the opponent down the stage. The battle ended, and Stan had gotten all the in-game rewards.

 

And that’s when he realized that he had just finished the adventure mode.

 

That battle was the very last battle. Already unlocking all the cutscenes and getting the best ending, Stan had realized that he had just sped run through the game. Now, he was completing the nitty-gritty tasks of unlocking all the characters and getting all the best spirits.

 

But now with that coming to an end, Stan had just 100% completed Smash Ultimate.

 

_No big deal. I can watch a CPU Tournament._

 

Creating a 16 player tournament, he made all of them CPU’s and just watched them play. And at this point, Stan just turned the switch off and looked outside his window.

 

It had just snowed an inch, and the entire weed field was being tilled by Randy. He can see his father across the field on his tractor. With Towelie behind him, the two were tilling the land for the next generation.

 

“I’m bored,” Stan said sadly at his window. The road to school was too thick for anyone to drive on, so he called the school to let them know he wouldn’t be attending that day. Now, he was stuck, home alone.

 

_I wish I didn’t live so far away._

 

* * *

 

Craig tightly gripped on the edges of the Buddha box. The boy stood alone in front of the LGBT center alone, the odd feeling of the missing blonde kid that usually stood beside him now manifesting into his mind. Craig shrugged off the feelings and used his right hand to push the door open.

 

“Hey Craig,” Wendy greeted him in the lobby. She was tapping away on her keyboard, the laptop screen showing an excel file.

 

“Hey...” Craig stepped into the lobby, and noticed the deep sigh Wendy gave once her eyes landed on the Buddha Box. “What’s going on today?”

 

“Here’s your list of things to do,” Wendy handed him a paper. On the list were numerous tasks, but on the top of the list was circled in red sharpie.

 

“What do you mean don’t get distracted?” Craig asked angrily.

 

Wendy batted her eyes at the tall boy next to her. “You know what I mean. Because of you, we gave Tweek a break from the center.”

 

“A break?” Craig asked furiously. “Why does he get a break?”

 

“Because he doesn’t have the luxury of putting a box on his head to escape all of his problems.” Wendy lifted another paper and mouse clicked to the first box. “I don’t want to waste more time explaining why we’re siding with Tweek, okay.”

 

“Ugh,” Craig grunted as he walked into the first office. Leaving Wendy in the lobby, Craig was greeted by an empty office, with everything he needed to do left at his disposal.

 

 

 

It had taken Craig several hours to complete the lists of task. The clock had stuck six thirty, the night sky now settling in. Craig packed the last thing into his backpack before bringing it to his back. He met the new kid, Kyle, and Wendy in the lobby before an unexpected guest entered the doors.

 

“Michael?” Kyle greeted at the door. “What brings you he-“

 

“Have you guys seen Mike?” Michael asked. His worried expression and his red face was prominent on his face.

 

“No, not at all,” Wendy answered his question. “I was in the lobby the whole time, no one came except some other kids.”

 

“Shit!” Michael cried, angrily clenching his fists.

 

“Michael, what’s wrong?” Wendy gave him a soft pet on the back. “You can tell us.”

 

“Mike just abandoned me,” Michael told the group. “He didn’t show up to school today.”

 

“Maybe he was sick or something?” Kyle asked.

 

“He didn’t come home last night,” he told the group.

 

The new kid gasped, and simply stared at Michael with eyes of determination.

 

“I’ve been searching for hours,” Michael told them. “I couldn’t find anything.”

 

“Maybe...” Craig silently spoke up. “Maybe he just wants to be alone?”

 

The LGBT officers stared at Craig with angry eyes- even the new kid.

 

“What the hell Craig don’t say that!” Wendy shouted, almost tempted to slap Craig across the face. “Michael, he didn’t mean it, he-“

 

“No,” Michael sighed. “I would understand why he wants to be alone.”

 

“Michael, no.” Kyle denied. “Don’t think of stuff like that.”

 

“It’s because,” Michael eased the tension of his mind and the atmosphere. He took a deep breath and freed his hands from the insides of his pockets. “I discovered a dark secret of Mike... and I confronted him about it.”

 

The officers watched as Michael feel to his knees. The loud thud on the ground echoed across the lobby into the small hallway. The goth kid had tears in his eyes, sparking the red eyes to reappear once again.

 

“I... I’m so fucking stupid,” Michael cried, his head tilted to the ground. “I didn’t even notice this, and I don’t know how long he was pulling off this shit! But now because I interfered, a person I care about is now nowhere to be seen or heard!”

 

The new kid wrapped their arms around Michael, allowing the latter to grip their body tightly.

 

For some reason, Craig just wanted to fall down and cry too. Watching Michael confess his fuck up made him realize that maybe Tweek feels the same way.

 

“Hey Michael...” Craig took a knee and gently squeezed Michael’s right shoulder. The goth kid looked up from his spot and faced the tall fourth grader.

 

“What can we do to help?”

 

* * *

 

Inside the basement, a figure stood in a dark cloak standing in front of a table. The table itself was wide, as there was a precise ratio build of the town of South Park on it. Made using cardboard, hot glue, and toys, the town seemed precisely accurate to its real counterpart.

 

“Everything is going to plan,” the dark figure said into the device. “How was your mission, assassin?”

 

Entering the basement, the assassin sighed as they announced the results. “The new kid was too skilled to avoid death. I had them for several times, but they managed to pierce my weapons case. I had to escape.”

 

“It’s okay,” the dark figure picked up a figurine resembling the new kid, and placed it at the precise part where the assassin attacked them. “The new kid got their warning.”

 

The dark figure’s eyes turned towards the group of figurines in front of the Raising Canes section. “Tweak and Craig broke up. The Marsh kid and the Jew are not friends anymore. The best part-“

 

The dark figure moved the figures to their independent spots, but left one figurine at the Raising Canes. “The fat ass is on our side now.”

 

“Your honor,” the assassin addressed. “What should we do next?”

 

“We’re gonna need to die down for a few days,” the dark figure stood up. “And then we’ll strike. For now, learn a new skill.”

 

“Thank you your honor,” the assassin turned around.

 

“And another thing,” the dark figure turned around and took off their hood.

 

 

 

“Stop calling me your honor. My name is Todd.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So anyone come up with any ideas about what's to come?
> 
> Hehehe, this will be fun.

**Author's Note:**

> As it currently stands, the first episode is actually short. It is almost 5,000 words long because 1) this is more plot based, meaning there are less descriptions about things. 2) I really couldn't spam filler across this chapter to become 7,000 words. and 3) I just wanted to get this season started already. Also, AO3 is being a butt and I can't tell if these current notes are for this chapter or for this series. So I'll be editing and fixing anything that looks misaligned.
> 
> I wanted to point out that this series takes place a few weeks after Season 1, and that it will actually be more of a series narrative rather than last season's. And I have looked through all the comments and statistics, and I'm trying my best to make each episode more like the CrusTea episode from last season. And really it's hard to format episodes or to create episodes really that match all the craziness in that. Also, this season does actually focus a bit on meme culture because it's such a big phenomenon in today's culture.
> 
> By the way if you guys want, send me memes on Tumblr. I fucking love memes- south park especially but really I'm down for anything. 
> 
> And to those that actually read all of these authors notes, I just wanted to thank everyone that actually reads this. Really, I posted the first chapter of season one for fun, and then it got a lot more attention than I anticipated. And now, I'm at season two and I'm ready to continue writing. Thank you! 
> 
> Thank you guys, gals, and non-binary pals. Yall are amazing.  
> -Negira


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